Thanks again to everyone for comments and support and love over the past few days. it really is a gift you’re offering. you may not realize how little gestures can mean sooo much. taking the time to read, to post, to write, to share, to be honest, to back-pat, to laugh, to groan, and to sigh with relief. Thanks and thanks again.
I have a few new thoughts on the idea of moderation. And they’re perhaps kind of radical thoughts. But that’s just the kind of chick i am.
Lots of you were very kind to offer that maybe i would be a “lucky” moderator, maybe i’m not so far gone that i can learn to moderate. Others expressed their touching and personal experiences with FAILING at moderation, and that’s how they knew that being sober was the only choice for them.
Now while i realize that this decision is personal to me, and it’s up to me, and i have to be comfortable with the decisions that i make … I have to say that i’ve decided to go with the collective intelligence and NOT test out the theory of moderation myself. While it’s possible that it’s easier to adopt abstinence if i’ve exhausted all other avenues, like if i’ve tried moderation and failed… i think i’m going to skip all that.
I know what the logical thing to do is.
I know from reading everyone else’s very kind comments and life stories that moderation rarely works, maybe less than 10% of the time.
I know that even thinking about having 2 drinks in August got my brain going with “when, where, how much, what if…”
I know better.
Should I try moderation to rule it out? Probably. Am I going to? No. At least not now.
In the short time i’ve been blogging I’ve learned enough from you. I don’t have to reinvent the wheel. I can take guidance from those who have been there before me. I do not have to “see for myself.” I know, i know, i know already. The truth is that I drink more than I want to. Point finale. Anything else is besides-the-point. I drink more than I want to, and i’m not going to fuck with it any more. All those swimming thoughts of: “only beer, only weekends, only celebrations, never more than 2, only on vacations” – i want to be done with that.
So yes, maybe this means i’ll always wonder if i could have successfully moderated, and maybe it means that at 90 days I’ll think that I can … I’ll cross that bridge when I get there. for now i’m going to rely on collective genius. Your collective genius. Whether you’ve got 2 days or 2 years. I don’t have to reinvent the wheel. I just have to do what i know will work. Not drinking works for me.
Big hugs from me in the cyberworld.