in my last post I started to contemplate what happens at the end of my Dry July. Day #25 today. thanks to everyone for ideas and well wishes and kindness. it’s pretty cool that no one said “wow this girl is heading on a downward slide into hell if she keeps going on this path” … even though i’m sure some of you were privately thinking just that.
on my run today, i realized that if i’m thinking about this still this much after a month, then best to continue onwards, sober. Like cleo with cigarettes, i cannot say the same for drinking. I can’t take it or leave it. Wine is not like corn on the cob. I love corn on the cob, and sometimes i’ll even go to special stores to find it here. but i don’t keep track of the BEST cob, nor do i remember the date of my last cob… Even in thinking out my idea of “maybe I’ll drink twice in August” … my internal wheels started to spin and I got tense. literally. i got wound up just thinking about it. what if I use up the alcohol on a bad night? what if I don’t get the effect that I want and I waste it. what if I drink and then I wish I hadn’t bothered? i’m sure that two drinks will be disappointing no matter what the context.
again, on my run today (thank god for running!), I realized that i could give up MEAT for a month and not wonder when i could have more, or how much i would enjoy it. i could probably even give up sugar for an entire month – including the sugar hidden in stupid things like mayonnaise. Yes, i’d feel pissed off if I had to give up sugar for a month, but i highly highly seriously doubt that i’d give it as much brain space as i have given to wine in the last 25 days. would i be reading other people’s sugar blogs? really? probably, highly not.
(in fact, when i started Dry July, i gave up meat, alcohol and sugar for the first 7 days, then reintroduced sugar and meat. it was completely fine. in fact, planning vegetarian meals took a bit of work but it distracted me nicely from thinking about booze. Note to self. when feeling antsy, set a different non-alcohol-related goal that will have a positive outcome, that can distract me from boozing.)
i’m sure i’ll cycle around to the idea of moderation, oh, i don’t know, like a few more hundred times. but for now i’m staying on the wagon. I like it here, even if I feel both pink-cloudy AND tortured ON THE SAME DAY.
For now, i’m going to extend Dry July to be 90 days. and then probably longer again.