you are a gigantic anus

i have a brand new client who is truly a gigantic anus, and a seriously irritating human.

I’m not in AA but i know enough to know that irritation, frustration and resentments are triggers for wanting big quantities of vino.

most weeks, most days, Mr. Anus broadcasts his shit elsewhere. About once a month, or so, he unleashes on me.

Like last night.

last night, he got in my face (by email) about something i’d done wrong. i explained as clearly and kindly as i could, that i was doing what we’d agreed, but that if he wants me to now start doing something else, he can write out the NEW steps and i’ll do those …

you know this kind of guy, right? you send him something short and sweet, and he fires off a long email back, that starts with a bristling: “let me make this very very clear …”

blood boiling. i realize i’m being triggered.

we come across lots of anuses in life, and i have (thankfully) removed myself from the reach of most of them. I even avoid family members with a ten foot pole if they’re anuses.  i just don’t DO anus anymore, and haven’t for years (maybe 7 years or so).

Except for this client. He’s really the only anus i have left.

last night, i respond politely to emails. i allow myself to feel truly irritated.

then I say out loud, in my empty office, hoping my husband can hear me… “I want to go out for dinner, I don’t feel like cooking.”  He says fine.  Then I say, still alone in my office, again quite loudly and firmly: “I’m not going to drink.”

I said it out loud so that I can hear it, and so that hubby can hear it.  So that in the restaurant, there’ll be no question of offering/declining.

I can’t extract all the anuses that exist in the world. Some of them will be neighbours, or parents, or clients, or sisters. I can distance myself as much as possible, put on my teflon face, get the fuck out of dodge, and I can firmly state out loud “I’m certainly not drinking because of YOU. You are a gigantic anus.”

there. i feel better already 🙂

thus begins Day 20.


I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • I like that, I’m not drinking because YOU’RE an anus. Exactly. I’m not cutting valuable sober time off my life so I can put up with the shit you push onto me. That’s the way it has to be with such people.

  • That is THE best opening line to a blog I have ever read. Fact. I just laughed so loud I nearly woke my daughter up. More of the same, please.

  • There’s a saying I love: “Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one and some are just shitty.”

    Cheers to you for being the bigger person.

  • Belle. This has helped me realize a big trigger in my life, an anus I must try to avoid more and more.
    Take care
    Day 5!

  • Now there’s a blog title that catches your attention! *L*

    “I’m certainly not drinking because of YOU. You are a gigantic anus.” I’m going to have to use that. Often.

  • I love it! Here we talk about arseholes – and I have few we have to deal with, but like you less and less so. But I much prefer the gigantic anus(es) description – which I will now start using. Soooooooo much more satisfying. The worst thing in the world would to drink because the GA’s made us! Fuck no. Well done Belle – for not drinking and for giving introducing GA’s to my vocab.

    • i think that ‘gigantic anus’ is so satisfying to say. and it’s like swearing, but much more polite … and anatomically correct …

  • That’s the road to success-you recognized the trigger, voiced it and beat it. Right on, Belle. You’re doing so well-letting your own needs drive your behavior is a new activity that may take awhile to get used to but you are well on the way to having it down pat. Stay the course, the better you know you , the easier this path is to walk.

  • In early sobriety I was in a job that triggered me daily. I can totally relate. We are just so raw in the early days and even a broken shoelace can send us over the edge. You handled it well.

  • Jeepers, count the anus’s in that post. Ok. What is the plural of anus? Is it anus’s? Or anus’? Anyhoo…good on you for recognizing the triggers and calming yourself as much as possible and then going out for dinner! Love it! Hope you had a nice meal that you tasted every bit of and then drove home all lovely and sober and happy xxxx

    • maybe the plural of anus is anuses … thankfully, we live in the city and can walk to our fav restaurant. it was all lovely and sober. I had lamb and potatoes. there was light in the sky until after 10 pm. came home to read in bed for over an hour …

    • i didn’t think of it how you phrased it, Imogen, thanks for the additional perspective. My drinking or not drinking does not change him, nor does it change my interactions with him … so best not to drink then : )