pink clouds can bite me

well after Mrs D’s comment about Pink Clouds, I also googled it.  In my brief and ridiculously condensed version, pink clouds are when you’re having happy times in sobriety .. so happy, in fact, that you might fall off the cloud on the other side and then drink.

sounds fantastic!

well, i’ve been thinking about it, and here’s what i have to say about pink clouds.

bring them on. all good days are good days.  i’ll take some glistening highs, thanks, because they beat the shit out of hung over lows.  i’m going to inhale my pink clouds and really blow pink smoke.  Crashing on the other side? i really am thankful for the warning.  i’ll be on the watch.  think i’ll be on careful watch for ANOTHER pink cloud that i can leap on to just as this one is on its way out…

in other news …

went to my first sober concert last night. every single person in the small venue had a beer in their hand. every one.  it’s like they’ve all been brainwashed into believing that the only way to enjoy a live musical event is if you’re mostly hammered (see what i’ve learned from hanging out with you-all?).

it was the first concert i’ve ever attended where i wasn’t waiting for it to be over. honestly, most shows, about 45 minutes in, and i’m ready to go home.  agitated. checking my watch, are we done yet? not last night.  i was dancing and listening and people watching and band watching. I was silently retuning this one’s guitar and i was wondering if that one ever stopped moving.

when it was over, we came outside and there was a little bit of light left in the sky (love living as north as we do now). i told hubby that i really loved living in this foreign-to-me country, and that we hardly ever go out anymore on weeknights and should do it more often.

i wonder why we haven’t been going out more.  probably because after the first glass of wine at dinner time, all motivation is lost.  all energy to do anything.

can’t believe i’ve been living in this amazing city and haven’t really been taking advantage of it.  (Can’t believe i’ve been living in this amazing LIFE and haven’t been taking advantage of it …)

bring on the pink clouds.  they can bite me 🙂


I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • Hello Belle, I’m new to your blog but have been reading from your first post and will catch up to where you are now– so happy for you that you’re still going, congratulations. I found your blog because I was lurking on Cleo’s blog and sadly she isn’t writing anymore. I clicked on one of her links and found your site, thankfully. Its so nice to read what someone else is going through.

    This post about your husband touched me because I went through a divorce about 5 years ago and now in retrospect I think I knew what all our fights were about. (it always perplexed me because life was good, what were we fighting about?) That is such a sad thought. Like you I get very argumentative when I’m tipsy and I’m probably a complete bitch when I’m drunk (but only to my husband/boyfriend/partner for some reason, lucky them).

    I’ve been thinking of quitting for a long time now. I have been ‘practicing’ also. I went 2 weeks, then had a beer on a Saturday and was so mad I blew it. But then went another week before drinking again just this past Friday. 4 glasses of wine and 1 beer. Woke up with a headache, had tons to do, massive regret. Those 3 weeks without drink were so wonderful. I woke up feeling so refreshed and positive. I didn’t spend much money. I didn’t fight with my boyfriend. There was peace. Oh and I lost 5 pounds! Bonus. With all the rewards I wonder why its so hard to just give it up. I’m so very sick of it all. I want to do other things with my life now.

    Thanks so much for sharing your story and your struggles.

    • Thanks for this, Anonymous, i really appreciate you reaching out and sharing a bit of your story. I definitely ‘practiced’ quitting several times – a week or so at a time, one time i got to 9 days – but then once i made up my mind to stop, i started this blog and got it done. i couldn’t have done it without online support, that’s for sure!

  • I’ve had my arms and legs wrapped tightly around my pink cloud for 10 months now, it ain’t getting away from me and it ain’t going to buck me off. Of course, when you’ve been as far down in the trenches for as long as I was, the most common ordinary days seem like a pink cloud. I’ve got a friend I wish I could convince to hitch a ride on one for awhile. Love your blog, me and Mrs. D like bloggers that say shit as much as we do. 😉

    • nice to meet you! i hardly ever get to swear in real life anymore (sigh) … my husband is a *darn/heck* kind of guy (no, really), and i work with a lot of religious folks who i try very hard not to offend. my true nature, though, is that i have a bit of a truck driver’s mouth. and i figure that anonymously online is where i can let it all hang out …

  • So happy for you Belle. Just stay in your fluffy pink heaven as long as you can. I am there a lot of the time too, and it is lovely, and you wonder why others haven’t tried it and why you had not tried it earlier and why not drinking has got such negative spin.
    I can relate to your concert – bit different but T and I now go to a lovely beach cafe for lunch on weekends quite often now. Could not do so before because of drink driving and also it would mean writing off the entire afternoon, passed out from the wine. Now we go for a couple of hours and enjoy it and drive home and still have the afternoon. So not drinking has increased opportunities for lovely social ocassions. Bit different to the hermit type life my prejudiuce had imagined before.
    That stuff lied real bad to us. Cleo xx

  • I was probably on a pink cloud for the better part of 5 months, and honestly it never occurred to me to drink b/c I was feeling so good. I never got why a pink cloud was bad either. Enjoy your happy moments, like the concert, whenever you get them. They’re a hint of more to come.

  • I remember my first really intense pink-cloud-high-whatever-you-want-to-call-it so clearly I felt AMAZING and so happy to have led myself to such a revelation about what my boozing really was. Actually..that sentence doesn’t really cover it, I don’t know how to summarise all my feelings about becoming sober, especially in those early days. There have been glimmers since of such highs .. but none like that first and I can still remember it, I can still remember it and it carries me through till today. Ride the wave baby xxx (ps I so loved my first sober concert I had such a great time, really enjoying the music and not rushing to the bar for another drink)

    • i’m on the lookout for YOUR kind of pink cloud, mrs d. my kind, for now, is more like a day 18 high of *why haven’t i done this before*. also, for now, i seem to have successfully removed the trigger that says *must drink at all occasions*. i’m sure that gloating isn’t a good idea, but i am feeling pretty proud of myself : ) for today. this a good day.