god and computers

This is the beginning of day 13 in my Dry July.  And while yesterday was a shitty day, i made it through.  in fact, the computer problem is slowly resolving itself, and the family illness seems to have improved overnight.

I subscribe to Notes from the Universe and on wednesday, when faced with the worst aspects of my dead computer, I got this message:

“If you knew I answered whenever you spoke to me, Belle, would you be still enough to hear me? Prepare to be amazed, [signed] The Universe.  PS/And if you knew I was listening, Belle, to everything you thought or said, might we talk again like old times?”

I have to tell you this made me smile. I began to prepare myself for a miraculous computer recovery. Low-and-behold, when the new part arrived yesterday, i plugged it in (after leaving the machine off for 4 days), and … yes, it worked.  it’s limping along a bit lop-sidedly, but it’s open enough for me to get access to my most important client files.

Now I don’t want to freak anybody out here, and i love and respect everyone.  Really I do.  but I don’t believe in god. I love and adore people who do believe, and one of my best friends for the past 20 years is an evangelical christian who often covers me in ‘angels’ when i go on car trips. To her, I say, bring on your angels, i can take all the help i can get.  but me, personally?  well, I believe in me, and the power that I have to make changes in my life.

that said, i kinda believe in the universe.  does that even make any sense? i believe in some kind of shared ‘good vibes’.  i believe that i create my own reality. me. me. but i also know that if i ask my husband to ask for better weather, then better weather arrives (for some reason it doesn’t work if I ask myself).

i believe in synchronicity, i believe in making your own luck, and i believe that sometimes – occasionally – the universe lifts you up.  I got such love and support from the online community yesterday, that i think you’re part of my collective universe. that and a delivery of a computer part from Amazon, combined with a text from my sister that family is doing better… All is well this morning.

Thanks for being part of my universe 🙂


I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • Hi Belle,

    This is Day 3 for me of 100. I have to say, I’m feeling pretty awesome. I’ve been running 5-7 every day, spending time with family, and getting a lot of work done! I realized that drinking is truly just an escape (the fuzzy place you mention). I believe this is because I’m afraid of success in some way. Not of being happy, but of how others will react to my success. Maybe they wont think I deserve it, or they will hate me for it. I’m afraid others will be jealous and resentful and that that my life will be more difficult, socially. But life is difficult anyway; and there will always be unhappy people to deal with. I dont want to be one of them.’

    I also agree with what you said about religion and the universe. I truly believe that you get with you “put out there”, and that you just have to know what you want for yourself, and ask the universe for it.

    I recently started a new relationship, and my new guy, KB is very supportive of the changes that I’m making. He seems like the new beginning that I have been asking the universe for.

    We shall see. As for Day 3, things are looking up.


  • Just want to say : 1) I just started reading your blog last night. I’m getting updated on your posts now. 2) I don’t believe in God either (and I was raised Christian going to church 3/a week)! 3) I’m about a half month ahead of you! (sorry to brag. not really :)). My year anniversary is 6/15. 4) I had a “high” bottom too. I wasn’t an everyday drinker, just had spurts of dumb drunkenness. Tried to moderate/quit many times and finally have! 5) Everything isn’t all sunshine and roses, but the future is brighter and I have a lot more confidence in me finding my TRUTH. Thanks for the blog! 6) I need to continue my reading!

  • I get the Universe e-mails too, they help so much with my anxiety and depression. I’m a non-believer too. Freaks unite. 😉

  • Lovely sentiments, Belle (yay, so much better than calling you Tired lol). I’m a bit envious of people with faith and I think they’re lucky to have it. In the meantime, I’m with you on good vibes.
    I just try to be the best person I can be, and I don’t need a god to tell me to do that.
    So pleased things are looking better for you today.

    • yeah, i realized i couldn’t really be called “Tired” all my life! cuz eventually i’ll stop being tired of this, won’t I? … some future me won’t be tired of thinking about drinking … the future me will NOT think about drinking at all! So i figured i’d be brave and put up the name now.

  • I really like the way you describe this because it’s much closer to what I’ve settled on in the last year of sobriety. I sometimes call it god (at AA meetings) but it’s not a person or any one thing. To me, it’s more like the power of doing the right thing and being a “good” person and tapping in to the world around me. So yeah, good vibes. Great post.

  • I am sooooo with you. Do I believe in – good vibes, love, kindness? YES, absolutley. God? NO. So glad Day 13 is looking better for you.