​Alcohol is addictive, liquid poo (AUDIO)

Drinking is like pouring liquid shit into your life. It flows over everything. It affects every aspect of your life.

And to make things worse? This liquid poo (alcohol) is addictive. If you have some liquid poo, it makes you want MORE of it.

If that doesn’t sound like a nightmare, then I don’t know what does.

This is the subject of a brand new podcast (episode 252) going out today to podcast subscribers.

​Here's a clip where you can listen to a bit of the audio.

extract from Sober Podcast 252. Addictive Liquid Poo

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this is for you (re: anthony bourdain)

the truth is
i've been feeling off all week. this thing with anthony bourdain has occupied my thoughts quite a bit. what a fucking tragedy this is.
and i've been waiting, as i often do, to know what i think before i speak.

i know this.

we have a head that lies to us and feeds us misinformation.
we often aren't aware of that, and think that the voice is 'true' or 'real'.
we add alcohol to that and then voice is very loud, dark and insistent.

His gilfriend's friend, Rose McGowan, wrote:
Bourdain reached out for help before his death, “yet he did not take the doctor’s advice.”

this is the part that flattened me, i think.

that for whatever reason, he couldn't hear the thing:

you have a voice in your head that lies to you. it tells you to drink. it tells you it won't get better.

you could remove the alcohol and see what happens to that voice.
and if you can't remove the alcohol easily, or on your own (i couldn't) then reach out for help and open the top of your head and let the advice in, even when it sounds ridiculous to your wolfie voice.
remember that your wolfie voice is lying to you.

any voice you hear that ISN'T saying "take good care of you" is wolfie.

i feel like i could say this every day, forever, and it wouldn't be enough. and it'll be just the right thing at the right time for someone else.

It'll be both. not enough.
and enough.

this is for you.

hugs

Let’s see how this goes

from me: do you quit drinking 'forever' or is it an experiment? what are the advantages of framing it as an experiment? I asked, you answered:

J: "If you can say ‘I choose not to drink’ it’s easier than saying ‘I can’t drink’ which can then start feelings of deprivation and the Wolfie voice. Framing it as an experiment should make it more achievable mentally than forever, your explanation of running as an example made sense, if you said that you were going to run x amount every day for the rest of your life ... what would happen? :)"

Flo (Day 47): "Hi Belle. I think framing it as an experiment an making it a choice. 'I'm choosing to go 100 days sober' is a whole lot less confronting than 'I'm going to give up alcohol forever', which frankly seems kind of unreal. I think if I say i'm giving up forever, i feel a fear in my solar plexus area and sick or maybe that's the hole i think needs filling up with something (alcohol). Saying that i'm choosing to do this for 100 days feels like i'm easing myself into this whole concept of finding out how my life will be sober, and will it be better? Let's just see how this goes and make a decision later. So less confronting."

~
Question: what do you think about quitting drinking as a choice ... you know, a choice that supports you to be your best you (this is a trick question)​.


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umr004.gratitude > i know that the idea of gratitude is talked about a lot. but what does it mean, in a practical sense. like HOW can you have an attitude of gratitude? i think i stumbled on an idea that works for me when I was doing a catering job this past weekend. 

Show Notes:

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Music: “Ibiza Dream,” thanks to Chris Haugen

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Feedback from the ​meditation audio series: 

enroute: “​Thank you for that Belle, this meditation worked for me, and I have listened to a lot of teachers, a lot of silence, a lot of endless thoughts in my head, a lot of perspectives on meditation. For me, I know that whatever practice suits you, it lights the path to consciousness which lights the path to sobriety, creativity and more and more...​” ​Subscribe here.

Duck Ponderings 010 – Small Goals

What happens when we try to fix everything at once? I talk about how I use this in other parts of life (sober + writing + running very slowly). And about how I’m bad with endings, and so this won’t be the last episode. I probably have one or two more to go…

 

 

 

Music: “Acoustic Blues,” thanks to Jason Shaw, https://bit.ly/2pZvbyu

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anonymous confession booth: sex

step right up. for one day only, i’m creating an anonymous sober confession booth about SEX. Yes, i’ve got something running through my head and i thought, OK, let’s blog about it. and really, it’s amazingly hard to talk about sex even when we’re quasi-anonymous online. And so then i thought, OK, let’s make it 100% anonymous, me included.

So here’s the deal.

  1. Post a comment below.
  2. For this to work you MUST leave your name and your email and your website address BLANK in the comments form (if you forget, i’ll go in and delete that info manually). all comments are to be anonymous. one of the comments will be from me, you just won’t know which one.
  3. I have no way of personally knowing who posts what.
  4. In your comment, write two or three sentences (max.) about something about sex that you think is ONLY your problem and that probably no one else has the same problem as you do. For example, i’ll make one up: “I can’t initiate sex when sober but i used to be able to when drinking” … OR … “i worry that i’m the only person who has x problem now that i’m sober.”
  5. Then post ONE anonymous ‘reply’ to one of the other comments already posted, and say something comforting, consoling, forgiving, kind. In fact, it would simply help if you said “i have this problem, too.”

i have a feeling that this will unfold in a lovely way. because you’re all lovely people. and we all have sex shit that we can’t talk about.

PS. if your name/email automatically shows up when you start to enter a comment, you can manually delete them OR you can ‘log out’ of your blogging profile.

 

Audio: Research and statistics

​This is an audio clip from Sober Podcast #247 sent to sober podcast members.

​Now that we know that the alcohol industry has been funding some of the booze-related research, it just makes me wonder about studies and research in general.

and how most of us (me included) aren't able to determine whether a news article that claims to be based on a study, is actually ​fact, if it's been skewed, who paid for it, and what is the underlying agenda of the news media writer, or the original researcher.

in this audio, i start off ranting about booze research, and then I think that before i get myself into too much trouble, i will share some of my own biases, thought process, and numbers. how many people had i been penpals with before it was a paid thing? how many people did i interact with, see patterns, offer cheerleading to, before i started talking about what i saw? listen to this and find out.

see if there's something in here that rings true to you. other than the visual of me standing on my balcony with cold feet, wearing my pyjama bottoms and sweater, holding a clip-on microphone to my mouth. I also tell you about the little girl with the yellow raincoat that I see from the window.

​I have posted below the ENTIRE 22 minute audio for this podcast, and I will leave this link available for ​24 hrs only. ​Have a listen now. all i ask in return is that you post an anonymous message in the comments. If you’d like to be able to hear this again, ​you can use the link to sign up at the bottom of the post.

​Comments from subscribers:

Inspired (day 606): "​I feel the same way about research, critical thinking, agenda behind it and bias. Years ago, wolfie loved hearing research that wine was heart healthy and resveratrol in red wine was good for me. BRING IT ON, he said, we will just moderate drink. This topic reminds me of an interview with Katie Couric, a news anchor, I read a few days ago in the airplane magazine on a flight. She speaks about the difference in reporting on information versus affirmation. Are we only looking to affirm our beliefs in order to empower or strengthen them, or can we allow information in when we may not agree with it completely? Critical thinking and continuing to ask the questions around agendas and bias is important ..."

Jacci2 (day 82; medical professional): "​... as a general rule, I ALWAYS take research cited by any journalist with a huge lump of salt. If I really want to know something, I'll go look up the research article myself and read it to discern whether or not it was a good study, whether or not it is generalizable to the public (they often are not, the journalist just extrapolates the data to apply to everyone even though the study group is limited and very specific), and who funded it. This drives me crazy. Journalists are not scientists and they make their own assumptions from the research and feed it to a gullible public. RANT ALERT! I had to do this recently for my boyfriend. His mom was all concerned about some article in a magazine about one of the meds he was taking for heartburn, saying it was going to give him kidney failure. I pulled up the original article, and it turns out the findings were only relevant if you are over the age of 65, are obese, have diabetes, and are already showing signs of kidney failure ​..."

If you sign up for the monthly podcast subscription, this audio will be the FIRST one you get, if you sign up today (Tuesday). ​Then you can listen again. Save the MP3 file. Listen on repeat.

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Interview with Kristi Coulter (2016)

There was a time when Kristi Coulter and I were sober penpals, and we both said "oh you used to be a writer? me too. before drinking. did you also study writing at school and then not really use it? me too."

I'm sure you've done something like this. You were a person before, and then booze soaked into the fabric of your life and you lost some of the old person, some of the fresh-ideas person, some of the adventurous person.

Then you remove the booze, and the real you starts to shine again. (Really, it is exactly like drowning the little orchid with bottles of wine—it doesn't bloom—and then you stop pouring alcohol on it and it brightens up again.)

OK, so time has passed and now KC is here (book writing and widely-shared-viral-article writing) and i'm here (one book done, sober fiction book underway). 

KC is sober penpal #128 and she's on day 1786 today (Saturday). 

And way back, before she was well and truly famous, I interviewed her on my podcast. I've pulled that audio out of the archives and am sharing it as my weekend audio.

Here is a three-minute sample starting at about the 11 minute mark. This was recorded in July 2016 and it's so cool that we mention the Medium article that would then go on to become the viral piece...


If you would like to hear the entire one-hour interview, you can click the red link below. The price is ZERO and then you get the entire MP3 file of our podcast.

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#150: Kristi Coulter (FREE)

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inside your head [one minute message #300]

inside your head

omm300.inside.your.head

when people give you advice, it’s often not helpful. mostly, that’s because the person offering the opinion doesn’t know the WHOLE story. if you walk around asking everyone what to do, if you solicit the opinions from 60 people on whether you should quit drinking, you’ll hear a variety of things. none of them have to do with the truth, which is that you know it’s the right thing to do. you don’t need anyone to agree. 

happy sober friday. if you’ve been trying to get people to agree with you, that you need to quit drinking, you can stop that poll-taking now. I agree with you 🙂 I have a list of ideas that I can send you, with 20 things you can do, read, and listen to, to get your sobriety going (and to keep it going). send me an email and ask for the 20 things list. i sent some out yesterday, but if you didn’t get one yet, you can ask now… le hugs from me. xo

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    try new things

    I don't know how to say this so that you can hear me.

    It's not just about starting again on day 1.

    It's not just about saying "today is my new day 1."

    It's about changing something.

    Because if what you've been doing up to now isn't working, then you need to do something different.

    It's not just 'try harder'. It's 'try different'.

    If we are penpals, and you email me and say "today's my new day 1," I'm going to thunk you and say...

    What are you changing?

    Because you don't want to hang around day 1 anymore. And you want things to be different. And you're emailing a sober coach, so you want her opinion, because if you didn't, you'd just not tell me! 

    So when you tell me "I'm on day 1," it would be incredibly bad form—and not fair—if I support you having a new day 1  without changing anything. That wouldn't be fair to you. It'd probably be irresponsible on my part, too. 

    ​Because this booze thing can get worse and worse.

    We don't want that to be you and we don't want that to happen to you. 

    It's not just having a new day 1 ... having a new day 1 is fabulous, don't get me wrong.

    You need a new day 1 AND you need to add some new things because what you've been doing up to now hasn't been enough. 

    And you want to move away from here, so you're going to do some new things now. 

    ~

    If you would like some ideas on what you can add, so that you stop repeating the day 1 cycle, send me an email ​and i'll send you some links to things. hugs from me



    I have transcribed this text from the (FREE) one minute audio message #168: New Things. ​ 

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    “I choose not to do that”

    I will say that probably the Number 1 determining feature of the probability of success in being sober, is an openness to try things that go against what your brain is suggesting is a good idea. 

    Because you’ve got a brain that thinks that drinking is a good idea, so frankly anything I suggest—like if I say to you, when we’re sober penpals: “I think you should email 3-4 times a day.”

    I don't need to do that

    Wolfie comes right in there with, “I don’t need to do that. I’m too busy to do that. I’m too busy to send a one-word email that says ‘sober’.” (Nice.)

    You: I’m going to be offline so I can’t email for 6 weeks, 3 weeks, 4 days.

    I have an answer for that.

    Still send a message every 4 hours, and they sit in your outbox and then as soon as you have a wifi connection, I’ll get them all at once.

    Number of times someone has actually done that, and I’ve gotten a whole bunch of check-ins all at once? Zero.

    It’s an option. But we don’t want to do it.

    Why don’t we want to do it? ...

    ... because we want to keep drinking.

    Well, we don’t WANT to keep drinking, but we have a voice that thinks that drinking is a good idea, so it’s going to fight against things that could actually help. Which is this whole thing about compliance.

    Example:

    You: I broke my ankle, and I want to walk without crutches.

    Well, that’s sort of impacts its ability to heal. Might make it that you need surgery down the road. Instead you might need to take time off right now …

    You: I don’t want that.

    No shit, nobody wants it [laughs]. Who wants to email me 4 times a day?

    but don’t tell me you can’t. 

    Don’t tell me you can’t. Because it’s one word. And you set a timer on your phone that goes off at 9 am, 1 pm, 5 pm, 9 pm—and you send a one-word email every time the alarm goes off.

    Don’t say that you can’t.

    say that you won’t.

    But don’t say that you can’t. Not fair.

    And don’t say that you can’t get a sober treat every two days when you’re sober. You’re going to say something wolfie-like, such as I don’t really deserve it; I shouldn’t get a treat for something that everybody else can do without treats; or I don’t have money …

    Don’t tell me that you don’t want to get treats. Tell me that wolfie is telling you not to get treats. Because you might as well call it what it is.

    Wolfie will say: No treats, not worthy.

    Wolfie will say: Too hard, no one will understand.

    I’m saying—I’m yelling—Please, please, please …

    You: Yea, I don’t want to do that. I choose not to do that.


    I have transcribed this text from archived Sober Podcast #213: Compliance. If you'd like to hear this extract as an audio, go here.


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    #213: Compliance

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