murdery anger

email from APool (day 28): “Today has been a day when as soon as I woke up I knew I should just go right back to bed! I’m tired and very, very cranky with a huge side of murdery anger. It’s a great combo! PMS IS AWESOME!!!

I have feelings that are right at the front of my brain. I can’t stuff them anywhere because I can’t hide from them with booze. I’m writing this from a bathroom stall in Costco! Perfect place to come to with murdery pms. I need a garden hose and strawberries and then I’m racing home to be alone.

Had to write an email. Been meaning to do it since I woke up so bathroom stall it is haha. ❤️APool”

[update: she’s on day 48 today] 


this is exit painting #376 
it goes nicely with everything you own
it matches the other thing you have hanging on your wall.
yes, you’re right, i do think you should have it.


life is the train, not the station

email from Katana (day 11):  “I listened to all the podcasts I have on repeat today.  I’m not even sure I was listening to what you were saying.  I just associate your voice with the fact I want to be sober and go from there.
I managed to clean out my entire desk today.  I’ve decided I don’t need one.  All it does is collect shit and then it pisses me off that it is always dirty.  I’m trying to stay away from things that piss me off.  To bad the toddlers don’t get that.
Anyway I’m sober.  Because of naps, chocolate, and repeating podcasts.  Thanks Belle.”


email from Smile 9 (day 89): “I listened to your interview with the yoga chap – I have to say I was quite surprised  at the interview and it’s left me thinking about the ‘feeling’ it left me with – thought I would share some of it. I felt he didn’t listen to you and had his own agenda. He sounded commercial and ‘slick’ – made me realise why your message and style for me is so successful, because you are exactly not like that – he was annoying and lightweight and didn’t sound genuinely interested in you or your message – it left me feeling quite empty – and appreciate you more! Of course it could have been a different live experience for you and I may be mistaken but it was quite a strange listen. I was on a train and I was thinking life is the train and not the station. The bottom line for me with this sober lark is making a commitment – any sort of commitment – but a big commitment – ties in with accountability – not just with the sober journey but life and making changes…”



“I’ll be there”

email from C (not yet a penpal):  “Last night I didn’t wake up in the middle of the night. I actually slept through until morning (it’s day 55). I simply can’t remember when I had a night’s sleep where I didn’t wake during the night. Can you believe how happy that makes me? ha!! My bargaining time was also around the 3 a.m. mark. I would pray to God, please God I don’t want to drink anymore, Help me to feel better, please don’t let me die. Really, there were times when I felt I had abused my body so badly that my heart might simply give up. The anxiety of it all was desperate. A desperate plea to help me get sober. My journey, I’m sorry to say, is a near on 30 year trek and yes I’m exhausted.
However, something is different this time. It may well be due to the sad news that my husband has been diagnosed with aggressive prostate cancer. I could easily attribute my soberness to such sober news and in part I’m sure it is. However, I’m reaching a birthday milestone at the end of the year too and I wanted to do something different, something life affirming. However, my husband’s diagnosis put a hold on any adventures I had in mind, quite rightly paling them into insignificance. But, once again, it was something you said about when you stop drinking everything you do is a new experience (can’t remember your exact quote, maybe that was exact!!). It inspired me to realise that this is exactly what I’m supposed to be doing this year. This is my life affirming adventure. I know I probably shouldn’t be getting ahead of myself, and I feel a bit of a jolt and a notable cringe as I even allow myself to think it is possible for me to be free of drink, let alone say it, but there it is, I’ve just said it. And so I think the difference is you, Belle. You know, I’ve never signed up or had any support whatsoever in previous sobriety times and there’s so many bits of advice or ways of looking at things that have helped me get to this stage. I know it’s early days, but I’ve never been sober for this long with this resolve before! The payback that I’m experiencing these last 55 days of sobriety is the sheer beauty of it all. The freedom of knowing that I can say “I’ll be there” or “I’ll do that” with no fear of hangovers getting in the way, resulting in false excuses (I mean lies) because I decided to get obliterated and so now I can no longer function properly and all I want to do is sleep. I have literally been chained to the booze shackles, imprisoned by my own free will … So with all that said, I want to thank you for sending your emails, long may they continue, they give me such strength. I’m sure you know how much you are helping so many people, but I just wanted to say thank you for how much you are helping me.”


the business of ‘FUW’

email from Topo Chico (day 28): “Arrived at new work location today. Jet lagged and exhausted, but not hungover. Yay. After paying for dinner last night, the waiter asked me if he could invite me to enjoy a digestif. I almost said yes, not knowing what he meant, but stopped short when he explained further:  alcohol. I said no thanks telling him that I was on business. That’s a solid excuse for respectable folks. (Yeah, I’m on business, the business of Fuck You Wolfie.)”


The Lucas Rockwood Show (i’m a guest on his yogabody podcast! not talking about yoga, clearly).

​I was recently on the Lucas Rockwood podcast, talking about quitting drinking and about the booze elevator that only goes down.

I'm also going to send out a copy of the full interview to ​podcast subscribers so that you'll have it in your library ​(episode 298) .

And you can listen to the entire audio here.

​Sober Podcast 298. ​Lucas Rockwood Show

feedback from some of Lucas's listeners:

R: "I listened to your interview on Lucas Rockwood's podcast and a lot of what you said really resonated with me. I remember in my college days taking a women's studies class and we discussed at length the amount of time women - young and old - spend on thinking about things like beauty - how to look better, how to lose weight, etc. And about how much mind space that takes up in our day to day lives and all the things that could occupy that space instead. And so when I heard you speaking about that same situation with drinking, it really got me thinking about how much time I really do think about drinking. It's totally insane! So, I thought I'd just give this a try, test it out, see how I feel. I've done sober months for the past several years (once a year) successfully but when I drink again, I tend to drink too much then suffer from lots of self-loathing for not being able to "drink responsibly." ... Anyway, I wanted to thank you for creating this space for people and to thank you for the kind personal message!"

N: "I heard your words on the Lucas Rockwood show and was 100% inspired ... I’ve been thinking of ‘cutting back’ and have been mentally preparing myself for the journey. Then I saw the email from Lucas about this podcast, thinking of quitting drinking. And you know, everything you said I could relate to. So before it was even done I was on your page! I listened to it yesterday (my time) and haven’t had a drop ... I look forward to your encouragement and honesty. You are a true inspiration, as you don’t sound like one of those fake people (!) who belittle others, which inevitably makes you want to drink! Thank you for sharing your story and experience with the world. I am on my way to a better life all together. Thank you thank you thank you!!!!!!!!"

L: "Hi Belle, I purchased your audio book yesterday and listened to the whole thing straight [6 hrs!]. It was just what I needed. Finally made sense that I actually was paying a price for my over drinking. I’m Day 2 and ready to feel healthy again. I heard you on the Yoga Body podcast and was so impressed with your story. Then a week later I really over drank and knew it was time to visit your website and get help. I never realized before how much I was discounting my habit because it wasn’t the "low bottom” story. But when you talk about the elevator of alcohol is always heading down it just clicked. Thank you, Thank you for sharing!"

Download the entire podcast episode here

Sign up for the ​podcast membership
(1-2 new full-length audios each ​week, you can cancel whenever you like ... but you won't. more sober tools = good)

​if alcohol is an elevator that only goes down, you can get off and stay off. original sober art thanks to mr.belle. this is Exit #360.

Wednesday Celebration Roundup

If we are sober penpals, then we email all the time and I keep track of your dates. Then i can celebrate you online (here) when you hit the big milestones. like these ones (haven’t done this for a while, so the list is longer than it might ordinarily be!):

Happy Day 50 to Cardinal!

Happy Day 50 to SoberAggie!

Happy Day 50 to APool!

Happy Day 50 to Mary Louise!

Happy Day 50 to MamaBear15!

Happy Day 50 to Jacci2!

Happy Day 50 to Fragile Firebird!

Happy Day 50 to Glanville!

Happy Day 50 to Sober Sparkles!

Happy Day 50 to CKelly!

Happy Day 50 to Fridgkit!

Happy Day 50 to Ducky1!

Happy Day 50 to Demelza!

Happy Day 50 to Hayley!

Happy Day 50 to Rise and Shine!

Happy Day 50 to La Sobria!

Happy Day 50 to SunshineStace!

Happy Day 50 to Little Miss M!

Happy Day 50 to Colin!

Happy Day 50 to PoorMonday!

Happy Day 50 to SoberSusie!

Happy Day 50 to NanaD!

Happy Day 50 to Alana!

Happy Day 50 to Hat Trick!

Happy Day 50 to Sweet Pea!

Happy Day 50 to Idle I!

Happy Day 100 to Alligin!

Happy Day 100 to Lu-Lu!

Happy Day 100 to Cowgirl18!

Happy Day 100 to JuneAnne!

Happy Day 100 to MissesT!

Happy Day 100 to GeorgieGirl!

Happy Day 100 to SusieQQQ!

Happy Day 100 to Luckiest Jo!

Happy Day 100 to Gabby!

Happy Day 100 to i.t.!

Happy Day 100 to AJ!

Happy Day 100 to Lottie!

Happy Day 100 to Becks!

Happy Day 100 to PeggySue!

Happy Day 100 to newme50!

Happy Day 100 to Rosylee!

Happy Day 100 to Allison!

Happy Day 100 to LVL!

Happy Day 100 to Ralph!

Happy Day 100 to Goofie Roofie!

Happy Day 100 to Trirun!

Happy Day 100 to working towards my best!

Happy Day 100 to Tina Jeanne!

Happy Day 180 to Lightningbug45

Happy Day 180 to BelayOn!

Happy Day 180 to Fly Over Girl!

Happy Day 180 to Franci!

Happy Day 180 to MoneyForTreats!

Happy Day 180 to Barbs!

Happy Day 200 to SoberNeverTheLess!

Happy Day 200 to Lee The Pea!

Happy Day 200 to Lena!

Happy Day 200 to Aleesjourney!

Happy Day 200 to Linsey!

Happy Day 200 to Veeee!

Happy Day 200 to Ohnarn!

Happy Day 200 to ShelT!

Happy Day 200 to karin!

Happy Day 200 to Jennifer 2.0!

Happy Day 200 to Da!

Happy Day 200 to Lageeg!

Happy Day 200 to Pinkclouds!

Happy Day 200 to KeysKathy!

Happy Day 300 to Jane Marie!

Happy Day 300 to Carly!

Happy Day 300 to Coffeegirl!

Happy Day 300 to AMA!

Happy Day 300 to SoberSeasideSally!

Happy Day 300 to StayingAlive!

Happy Day 300 to C-J!

Happy Day 365 to Nyawa!

Happy Day 365 to Simon’s Mom!

Happy Day 365 to MaryElizabeth!

Happy Day 400 to Lovinrunnin!

Happy Day 400 to SerenityNow!

Happy Day 400 to Lhaschnoodle!

Happy Day 400 to Unpuzzlingpatti!

Happy Day 400 to Wildflower!

Happy Day 400 to Kris!

Happy Day 400 to Emsyface!

Happy Day 400 to Sobriety Shingles!

Happy Day 400 to Jenwithoutwine!

Happy Day 400 to Evita87!

Happy Day 400 to Greenyj1!

Happy Day 400 to Jaded!

Happy Day 400 to MindfulMe!

Happy Day 400 to Ishmael!

Happy Day 500 to SG!

Happy Day 500 to Katrinka!

Happy Day 500 to Hidcote!

Happy Day 500 to Trigirl!

Happy Day 500 to Rehc!

Happy Day 500 to Sadie2015!

Happy Day 500 to JI!

Happy Day 500 to vstuart!

Happy Day 500 to RainyPNW!

Happy Day 500 to Stanley!

Happy Day 500 to Leener!

Happy Day 500 to Smokey!

Happy Day 500 to Sobe the Lion!

Happy Day 500 to Lordi!

Happy Day 500 to Ket!

Happy Day 600 to Nan!

Happy Day 600 to Flyaway!

Happy Day 600 to Dry Ace!

Happy Day 600 to Leila!

Happy Day 600 to Maggie Mo!

Happy Day 600 to lmichel!

Happy Day 600 to LinZeeLou!

Happy Day 600 to BalanceBeam!

Happy Day 600 to BirdSetFree!

Happy Day 600 to Mia!

Happy Day 600 to Apprentice Elise!

Happy Day 700 to Karebear!

Happy Day 700 to RRH!

Happy Day 700 to Myriam!

Happy Day 700 to Goldie!

Happy Day 700 to Newg!

Happy Day 700 to Leigh Ann!

Happy Day 700 to RossFSU!

Happy Day 700 to 35&changing!

Happy Day 700 to MrsWooly!

Happy Day 700 to Naturenancy!

Happy Day 700 to Kaycee!

Happy Day 700 to Blou!

Happy Day 700 to RetiringPartyGirl!

Happy Day 700 to Peewit!

Happy Day 700 to Lavender!

Happy Day 700 to Gina!

Happy Day 700 to Helen!

Happy Day 700 to Gomez!

Happy Day 700 to Mummabear!

Happy Day 800 to Lime Tree!

Happy Day 800 to Sophiestar!

Happy Day 800 to Jazzie!

Happy Day 800 to Gem64!

Happy Day 800 to Bruna!

Happy Day 800 to Princess Buttercup!

Happy Day 800 to SueW!

Happy Day 800 to Roadtosoberville!

Happy Day 800 to Lacie!

Happy Day 800 to KiKi71!

Happy Day 800 to Honey Bear!

Happy Day 800 to Resiliensea!

Happy Day 800 to ture.d.true!

Happy Day 800 to becca1978!

Happy Day 800 to Blondie!

Happy Day 800 to Jamie-Tampa!

Happy Day 800 to Capt. Unwined!

Happy Day 800 to Tiger2017!

Happy Day 800 to Honoring Grace!

Happy Day 800 to Bozzy Betty!

Happy Day 800 to A_Sober_Cannibal!

Happy Day 800 to Shannon A!

Happy Day 800 to Sisty!

Happy Day 800 to Sohocat!

Happy Day 800 to Grace 514!

Happy Day 800 to Indy!

Happy Day 800 to Pwhims!

Happy Day 900 to Jena14!

Happy Day 900 to Gene!

Happy Day 900 to Lola4126!

Happy Day 900 to RubyHarper!

Happy Day 900 to Poppy!

Happy Day 900 to Ruby!

Happy Day 900 to Holly!

Happy Day 900 to Reg!

Happy Day 900 to Bemmygirl!

Happy Day 900 to BattleMatt!

Happy Day 900 to *Maverick!

Happy Day 900 to April!

Happy Day 900 to Froggy Google!

Happy Day 900 to unduped!

Happy Day 900 to Tsilver!

Happy Day 900 to vmd free!

Happy Day 900 to Lippy!

Happy Day 900 to Teirrazul!

Happy Day 900 to Nomobsing!

Happy Day 900 to JT Weir!

Happy Day 900 to Edi!

Happy Day 1000 to Dry Ginger!

Happy Day 1000 to Miss Kell!

Happy Day 1000 to Reenie!

Happy Day 1000 to Imara!

Happy Day 1000 to Conn!

Happy Day 1000 to KatieMay!

Happy Day 1000 to Clearlee!

Happy Day 1000 to Patten!

Happy Day 1000 to KT Web!

Happy Day 1100 to Auds!

Happy Day 1100 to KaffyB!

Happy Day 1100 to Debbie!

Happy Day 1100 to KLC!

Happy Day 1100 to Country Pat!

Happy Day 1100 to Lanza!

Happy Day 1100 to Chell!

Happy Day 1100 to Joziegurrl!

Happy Day 1100 to Franny!

Happy Day 1100 to Husband #1!

Happy Day 1100 to TJ!

Happy Day 1100 to SoberinMtl!

Happy Day 1100 to ScrubJay!

Happy Day 1100 to Binlkes!

Happy Day 1100 to Elis!

Happy Day 1100 to Lydster!

Happy Day 1100 to TrixeeK!

Happy Day 1100 to Fern!

Happy Day 1100 to Coco!

Happy Day 1100 to ShellMN!

Happy Day 1100 to Suzie Jay!

Happy Day 1100 to Sarah Bee!

Happy Day 1100 to NS Runner!

Happy Day 1200 to ChellyBelly!

Happy Day 1200 to KAB!

Happy Day 1200 to Hughie!

Happy Day 1200 to JP!

Happy Day 1200 to Thirsty Iris!

Happy Day 1200 to Gypsygirl!

Happy Day 1200 to Tree!

Happy Day 1200 to Lucia!

Happy Day 1200 to Juliejean123!

Happy Day 1200 to Ami!

Happy Day 1200 to Sooz!

Happy Day 1200 to EMJ001!

Happy Day 1200 to Lavenderzone!

Happy Day 1200 to Linley!

Happy Day 1300 to Cal!

Happy Day 1300 to Gordon!

Happy Day 1300 to Unwinedgal!

Happy Day 1300 to Meraki!

Happy Day 1300 to Heya Monster!

Happy Day 1300 to Shorttermnoterm!

Happy Day 1300 to AnnieB!

Happy Day 1300 to Whitbell25!

Happy Day 1300 to Ginette!

Happy Day 1300 to Lilac!

Happy Day 1300 to ElizabethDC!

Happy Day 1300 to Silver Birch!

Happy Day 1300 to Mil!

Happy Day 1300 to Seekingpeack!

Happy Day 1300 to Yoda!

Happy Day 1300 to VTgirl!

Happy Day 1400 to Grateful Girl!

Happy Day 1400 to Jenuhful!

Happy Day 1400 to Cheaton!

Happy Day 1400 to TK!

Happy Day 1400 to Julie-Joy’s Sister!

Happy Day 1400 to Faye858!

Happy Day 1400 to me-fixing-me!

Happy Day 1400 to mythreesons!

Happy Day 1400 to Honner!

Happy Day 1400 to Gingerade!

Happy Day 1400 to Sophiesomething!

Happy Day 1400 to Jock!

Happy Day 1400 to Sea Turtle!

Happy Day 1500 to LJ63!

Happy Day 1500 to Sean!

Happy Day 1500 to Indian Lake!

Happy Day 1500 to Mel P!

Happy Day 1500 to Solstice Guy!

Happy Day 1500 to Summer Walking!

Happy Day 1500 to Turcotte!

Happy Day 1500 to Jennetic!

Happy Day 1500 to southern magnolia 1013!

Happy Day 1500 to Maureen!

Happy Day 1500 to Library Girl!

Happy Day 1500 to Joannie!

Happy Day 1500 to Chace!

Happy Day 1500 to Junebug!

Happy Day 1500 to Frenchie!

Happy Day 1600 to Canadian Girl!

Happy Day 1600 to Festie!

Happy Day 1600 to Graceb!

Happy Day 1600 to paris!

Happy Day 1600 to Shout444!

Happy Day 1600 to Midwestveggie!

Happy Day 1600 to Rah!

Happy Day 1600 to RoseMarie!

Happy Day 1600 to Janna!

Happy Day 1600 to Jacqui!

Happy Day 1600 to Kelz!

Happy Day 1600 to Petnuia!

Happy Day 1600 to Dancing Rabbit!

Happy Day 1600 to microlady!

Happy Day 1600 to AlexP!

Happy Day 1600 to Chefstarr!

Happy Day 1600 to Monique!

Happy Day 1600 to iphonebonie!

Happy Day 1600 to Chachi!

Happy Day 1600 to Nomorepinot!

Happy Day 1600 to Fleur!

Happy Day 1600 to Chatsworth!

Happy Day 1600 to Cricket!

Happy Day 1600 to Shar!

Happy Day 1600 to Kenney!

Happy Day 1700 to Lara!

Happy Day 1700 to Sharlotte!

Happy Day 1700 to Sanfransober!

Happy Day 1700 to CassieB!

Happy Day 1700 to Roisin!

Happy Day 1700 to Shelby!

Happy Day 1700 to Weenie!

Happy Day 1700 to 1111!

Happy Day 1700 to Manda!

Happy Day 1700 to Sober Lemon!

Happy Day 1700 to PP!

Happy Day 1700 to Foxie!

Happy Day 1700 to Battersea Park!

Happy Day 1700 to Welles!

Happy Day 1700 to Gra!

Happy Day 1700 to SusieQ!

Happy Day 1700 to IrishDee!

Happy Day 1700 to GW!

Happy Day 1700 to JustHadToHaveIt!

Happy Day 1700 to Apprentice Annie!

Happy Day 1700 to Parisienne Knitter!

Happy Day 1700 to Run Dontwine!

Happy Day 1800 to Otherjosh!

Happy Day 1800 to RunnerMom!

Happy Day 1800 to Julie-Joy’s Dad!

Happy Day 1800 to Jessi!

Happy Day 1800 to Heike!

Happy Day 1800 to Isabel!

Happy Day 1800 to DayBird!

Happy Day 1800 to Connie!

Happy Day 1800 to Hank!

Happy Day 1800 to Emery!

Happy Day 1800 to Going2pieces!

Happy Day 1800 to Apprentice SoberP!

Happy Day 1800 to Deen!

Happy Day 1800 to Moore!

Happy Day 1800 to abwalsh!

Happy Day 1800 to Crispy!

Happy Day 1800 to Rose!

Happy Day 1800 to Santa Cruz!

Happy Day 1800 to Telling TheWords!

Happy Day 1800 to Sherri!

Happy Day 1800 to Lurking with Intent!

Happy Day 1800 to Lizzy!

Happy Day 1800 to OneDayAtATime!

Happy Day 1800 to KateF!

Happy Day 1800 to Wanting to be a Sober Mom!

Happy Day 1800 to Tammi!

Happy Day 1900 to Shell Bell!

Happy Day 1900 to RM!

Happy Day 1900 to Nuchter Maya!

Happy Day 1900 to TheFun4!

Happy Day 1900 to Terence!

Happy Day 1900 to Clear Eyed Girl!

Happy Day 1900 to Hazeleyes!

Happy Day 1900 to Tim!

Happy Day 1900 to Primrose!

Happy Day 1900 to Sadie!

Happy Day 1900 to SignGurl!

Happy Day 1900 to Jilly Bean!

Happy Day 1900 to Mylene!

Happy Day 1900 to Jeroen!

Happy Day 1900 to Lucy!

Happy Day 2000 to Pam!

Happy Day 2000 to Sharon!

Happy Day 2000 to LD!

Happy Day 2000 to Laurie!

Happy Day 2000 to Durf11!

Happy Day 2000 to Kristi Coulter!

Happy Day 2000 to Sarita!

Happy Day 2000 to Ingrid!

Happy Day 2100 to Original Beth!

Happy Day 2100 to Leah!

Happy Day 2100 to JM!

Happy Day 2418 to me!

Welcome Lurkers (Part 1)

I recently received a series of emails from lurkers (silent readers, non-reacher-outers), and in a new podcast, I reply to a few of them with longer, detailed responses. 

The complete audio recording is over an hour long, and split into two parts, and was recently sent to podcast subscribers.

​In this extract from Part 1, I talk about the feeling of being determined on day 1 (or 10), and how that feeling of being determined isn’t enough to be long-term sober. You need some other things that I talk about in this audio. 

​Here's a clip where you can listen to a 3-minute extract from the podcast. ​To download the entire​ 25-minute audio from part 1, you can use the download link below.

extract from Sober Podcast 285. ​Welcome Lurkers Part 1

You can ​leave a comment below, anonymous is fine ... or send me an email.​

​Download ​SP285. Welcome Lurkers Part 1​

Sign up for the ​podcast membership
(1-2 new full-length audios each ​week, you can cancel whenever you like ... but you won't. more sober tools = good)

​Step 1. Exit.
​Step 2. Stay (stay here, stay focussed, stay true to you).
​Step 3. Potential. Look around you. See the possibilities.

​This is painting #322 here.

the idea of one or two glasses is bullshit

email from P: “I have been around for a while now with the usual ups and downs. Although more recently the wolf has taken a new path. It really is like little red riding hood being fooled by a wolf in disguise. I have been convinced that if I have a drink late in the evening then I don’t have time to drink much. I take great pleasure in telling people I only have a glass or maybe two in the evening. But I don’t really. I now see the slippery slope and that i have been fooled yet again by that little old lady who smiles and says ‘just one dear’.

Why oh why did I not see the long snout and sharp teeth and ugly sneer? I have always thought little red riding hood must have been a blind idiot not to see what was going on right in front of her. But now I have more empathy.

Just like others, I have ignored advice … I just dropped all my tools and opened not one of your emails, apart from today!

I don’t feel at rock bottom like I have, I am not as far down the elevator as I have been but I can see which way I am heading.

I have suddenly noticed the wolf disguise and realised that it’s a really shit one. I am thinking about drinking, and i now know that the idea of one or two glasses is bullshit. Thanks for just having an email address that allows me to even tell this shit xx.”


Gift from me today:
listen to this short interview with Emma Barnett on BBC Radio ‘5 Live’


for the One Minute Message Cards.

there will be no late joining: 
Once I start to mail these, I am not ​​able to add new people later. I’d be too confusing. Everyone gets the same thing every month. Which means we all start together. Now. Like today.

Yoda (day 1149): “There is something about acquiring something tangible that can be accessed without any electronic intervention, or any need to go to the other room or explain why you’re putting your headphones on, just some small nearly invisible talisman that keeps you tied to your own hope perhaps? My bracelet arrived the day after I came back from crazy beach vacation. Usually I get the mail, today Mr. Yoda did. He yelled up the stairs ‘hey, who is Belle Robertson from France?’ Since he knows little to nothing about you and I happened to be awake enough to think quickly I yelled back ‘the lady I get my bracelets from.’ He said ‘well, she loves you.’ Guess he read your note on the back.”

>> cards here <<

Every month for 6 months you’ll get an envelope in the mail, and in that envelope will be two cards AND one photo. Small messages (one-minute messages actually), transcribed, printed, and laminated. Just for you. And I’ll adjust the timing each month, so you won’t know exactly when it’s coming …​ go here and get one of the last sets.

madly off in all directions

So in Canada we have an expression, it’s called being madly off in all directions. And actually it probably has a British origin, but the premise is like this: Madly off in all directions means that your brain will ask you to do 100 things at once, and will LIE to you, and tell you they all have EQUAL importance. Madly off in all directions means you run this way, and that way, and this way, and that way, and you never really get anywhere. It looks like you’re doing stuff, but really, you’re just sort of running around like a chicken with its head cut off (which is another good expression). The madly off in all directions thing, though, can wind you up and make drinking seem like a good idea, if you buy into it. So this is when I talk about you NOT stating to make applesauce at 10:30 pm … If you have a brain that suggests that you begin a bunch of things and then drop them, and then begin some more things and then drop them, and then look like you’re busy, but not really—you can remember that wolfie likes to wind you up so that drinking might seem like a good idea, and that your job is to disengage from that. And to strive for underwhelm rather than overwhelm. [listen to this as an audio]


email from happygal (day 25): “For many months, I have wanted to move our treadmill from the garage (where it rarely gets used by me- because we live in FL and it’s typically hot as monkey nuts, plus it’s a GARAGE and, like, spiders and mosquitoes). So, this past week, in an uncharacteristically Happygal way, I PUSHED. I made my case and I pushed for what I wanted.
     The treadmill now has a home in our office near a large window! I used it today 🙂 In ADDITION, the framing store called that my Exit painting is ready. I asked my husband to pick it up while he ran errands. He said he would and then asked me what the painting was and I explained that this paining was done by an incredible artist in Paris and is personally meaningful to me because it represents letting go of things that are bad for me and being personally strong in my convictions (note that I didn’t mention alcohol yet, as I’m still in early sobriety). Husband asked where I want to hang it and I said, “Not sure, I’m thinking maybe a wall in my closet … Husband then said, “Why don’t we hang it in the office, since you will be in there more and we’ve moved things around – that way we can all see it, everyday?” Wonderful idea, husband, wonderful idea 🙂 hugs xo”

hating myself through every minute of it

from my inbox:

C (day 818): “Hi Belle. I felt compelled to send you a note. I lost a sister, 50 yrs old, to cancer this morning, she fought a two-year battle. She was my baby sister, 10 years younger than I. It was a very very difficult last few weeks. What makes it so much more heartbreaking is that 4 yrs. ago, I lost another sister to cancer, she was five years younger than I. I know you get thousands of emails from people with their stories, mine is no more special, there are worse stories out there and I know it’s not a competition. I hope you will indulge me for a minute.
When my sister died in 2014, I was not sober. I never gave myself the “alcoholic” label, that couldn’t be me as I didn’t put alcohol on my cereal for breakfast for god’s sake. For sure, I was a high bottom, maybe even medium bottom. Two bottles of wine a night, 5-7 nights a week … I was able to do what I needed to do, but hating myself through every minute of it. I was able to get to every appointment with her, usually at 7 a.m., most mornings hungover and not well. I survived it and got through it, but never felt well and fully engaged. I never thought there could have been anything more devastating. Wrong. Fast forward to today. My other sister passed today on my day 818. What a difference being able to be fully involved, be fully present. She had daily treatments that required transportation back and forth from the hospital for two months. I took her to every one. Fortunately, I am far enough out from Day 1 that I have no desire to drink, it didn’t even enter my mind …
It is so much more rewarding to be a willing, functioning participant. I was humbled to be part of her journey. Wasn’t quite like that with sis #1.
My whole point is that I muddled through the first death, this second one, fully present with a toolbox of tools. I know you hear this often and I know you will say that I’m the one who did the work and quit drinking, but let me tell you this. I attribute my success to all that you provide. You have, in fact, saved my life … nothing worked before, why would it now. But somehow in all this time, finding your book in a library donation section of my local library of all things, reading those first few pages and saying, holy shit, she gets it, keeping up with your OMM’s, your emails, Mr. B’s art, your jewelry, all of it, I’ve managed to do this. Look at my gumroad account, I’m a fan. Never in all my life could I think this could happen. It’s nothing short of a miracle.
The other reason I tell you all this is to let you know my experience with the sober toolbox has taught me there are so many resources out there that I’ve already decided that I will need to seek some sort of grief counseling to get through this second loss. First time around, drinking like a fish, didn’t need any help, I was a genius of course. This time, I am cognizant of the fact WELL AHEAD OF TIME that this second devastation is more than I will be able to handle, and will need to find some new tools from a grief toolbox. But guess what. I am sober. I. Am. Sober …
Thank you Belle from the bottom of my heart. I will continue to follow you, I still need the support. But I have done this, with your virtual help and for that, I am grateful. Keep up the great work and thank Mr. B. for his wonderful art. Hey, if he ever does quarter panels again, I’m wanting to add ‘Stay’ to my collection.  (I bought 191b and 191d). With warmest regards, C.”

Season 2 of the
One Minute Message Cards (& Photos) are ready …

​Deadline: Sunday, January 27​, 2019

Every month for 6 months you’ll get an envelope in the mail, and in that envelope will be two cards.

Small messages (one-minute messages actually), transcribed, printed, and laminated. Just for you.

They will start here, in my office. I’ll feed the envelops, one by one, through the printer, and then the stamps go on — the colourful french stamps​ — ask me to tell you about how I found these 18 year old stamps sometime!

And you?

You’ll get one envelope in the mail, every month, for 6 months.

You can do the math, it’s 6 x 2 cards = 12 cards.

And I’ll adjust the timing each month, so you won’t know exactly when it’s coming …

>> Learn More Here <<