Audio: Incongruent

This is an audio clip from Sober Podcast #215 sent to sober podcast members.

I did a personalized audio for a subscriber about fear, defensiveness, rationalizations.

And it’s also about the incongruent idea of drinking — how having alcohol in your life wouldn’t match up with what you say, and who you say you are.

To get you started, you can listen to this clip from the audio, and then you can add your comments below. My blog allows anonymous comments.

If you’d like to listen to the whole thing, you can use the link to download at the bottom of the post.

 

Question:
In what way is drinking incongruent with who you say you are?

 

 

Download the entire podcast episode #215

Sign up for the monthly podcast membership
(1-2 new audios per week, you can cancel whenever you like … but you won’t. more sober tools = good)


(ps, my blog allows for anonymous comments – so you don’t have to fill in a name or an email address to post your comment below).

Over the next 24 hrs, I’ll select a blog comment and that person will receive a present funded by the Sober Good Works donations.

Audio: Compliance

This is an audio clip from Sober Podcast #213 sent to sober podcast members.

There are tools available for us, to help us to be sober, it’s just that we don’t like them, and we don’t want to use them.

I’d have to say that a good indicator of the probability of success that you will be long-term sober, is an openness to try things that are against what your brain thinks is a good idea.

To get you started, you can listen to this clip from the audio, and then you can add your comments below. My blog allows anonymous comments.

If you’d like to listen to the whole thing, you can use the link to download at the bottom of the post.

 

HOMEWORK:
If I were to suggest to you that you email me 3-4 times a day, what would wolfie say to you to explain why you CAN’T do it?

 

 

Download the entire podcast episode #213

Sign up for the monthly podcast membership
(1-2 new audios per week, you can cancel whenever you like … but you won’t. more sober tools = good)


(ps, my blog allows for anonymous comments – so you don’t have to fill in a name or an email address to post your comment below).

Over the next 24 hrs, I’ll select a blog comment and that person will receive a present funded by the Sober Good Works donations.

tuesday update: the future of the One Minute Messages

Here’s the link to today’s Tuesday Update message. This is omm260, and it’s a recap of the distribution of these one minute messages, how to send them out the best way.

To hear this tuesday message, play below. nothing to download. just press play.

 

 

links mentioned in the audio:

  • Gumroad: Sign up for these one minute messages on Gumroad to get access to ALL 200+ episodes & the occasional video from paris. there’s a video about a poop truck:  https://gum.co/belle-omm/itunes
  • iTunes (apple podcast) > link
  • Get the daily email messages > link
  • Longer podcast subscription > link

 

And here’s the photo of my lunch, funded by the tiny gift fund.

Audio: Snake or Starfish

This is an audio clip from Sober Podcast #212 sent to sober podcast members.

Are you a snake or a starfish? A snake presents only part of their story. You might talk about your husband, but not about over-drinking. You maybe tell your doctor about menopause and not the two bottles of wine.

Whereas really, you’re a starfish. There are multiple things happening. and if you don’t present all of them, then the person listening can’t always help you as well as they could.

To get you started, you can listen to this clip from the beginning of the audio, and then you can add your comments below. My blog allows anonymous comments.

If you’d like to listen to the whole thing, you can use the link to download at the bottom of the post.

 

HOMEWORK:
Fill in the blanks: I told ______ about _____ but i never mentioned _______ or _________.

 

 

Download the entire podcast episode #212

Sign up for the monthly podcast membership
(1-2 new audios per week, you can cancel whenever you like … but you won’t. more sober tools = good)


(ps, my blog allows for anonymous comments – so you don’t have to fill in a name or an email address to post your comment below).

Over the next 24 hrs, I’ll select a blog comment and that person will receive a present funded by the Sober Good Works donations.

Audio: Behind the Scenes with the BBC

Below i’ve uploaded a clip from Sober Podcast #216 that will go out to sober podcast members.

This is a special behind-the-scenes audio recorded February 2017. I was contacted by Hannah Smith, freelance journalist with the BBC and she wanted some background information before I did some live, on-air interviews for the BBC in May.

She also asks me about being the poster-child for sobriety, and my answer may surprise you.

To get you started, you can listen to this clip from the beginning of the audio, and then you can add your comments below. My blog allows anonymous comments.

If you’d like to listen to the whole thing, you can use the link to download at the bottom of the post.

 

HOMEWORK:
Do you think that sobriety has an ‘image problem’? Tell me your thoughts.

 

 

Download the entire podcast episode #216

Sign up for the monthly podcast membership
(1-2 new audios per week, you can cancel whenever you like … but you won’t. more sober tools = good)


(ps, my blog allows for anonymous comments – so you don’t have to fill in a name or an email address to post your comment below).

Over the next 24 hrs, I’ll select a blog comment and that person will receive a present funded by the Sober Good Works donations.

regular. normal. predictable. 

omm256.monday.regular.normal.predictable

I have a new Monday update message ready for you. This is omm256. This message summarizes what’s coming up this week including the photography project.

To hear this Monday message, play below. nothing to download. just press play.

 

 

 

 

links mentioned in the audio:

and in case you hate listening to audios, here’s the transcript:

This is a slightly longer One Minute Message because it’s Monday and I want to give you a little overview of what this week might look like.

I have been away for the weekend and so I am coming back to a full Inbox of which I have done about 2/3rds today. So, if you’re waiting on an email from me, you may have already heard from me today, you may hear from me tomorrow. We did have crappy weather, thank you for asking. It rained all one day and then the second day it was grey but didn’t pour rain so we could do a lot of walking and not that you care, but thank you for your well wishes.

We did also spend a fair amount of time, as I’m sure you did, following what was happening with the hurricane in Florida. I’ve been getting email updates from my pen pals yesterday and today, letting me know that they’re safe. And so, if you fall into that category, you can also send me an email and let me know that you are well and that your parents got moved and that your dog got moved and that all of the other variables that needed to happen did happen.

If you’re also like me, you probably reached a point where you couldn’t watch the coverage anymore because it was making you feel wound up or that there was a sense of something catastrophic that then, thankfully, eased up in terms of the predictions and then there was this gigantic sigh of relief I’m sure for everybody, not just for me following this.

But, we’ll use this as a preface then to say that this week you will be extra specially kind to yourself because these sorts of things going on in the world, whether you live in Florida or not, there are things that are stressful and have every potential capacity to wind you up. You will watch how much TV you watch. You will read rather than watch videos because they’ll wind you up more. You will turn off the television. You will turn away from things that make you feel wacky. And you will drop your shoulders and breathe a bit and relax a bit and remember to be kinder to yourself, no matter where you are in the world, no matter what’s happening around you. (You could listen to this message any day and it would be the same thing. I might say it every Monday. Should I say it? Every Monday, I’ll turn on the microphone and I’ll say, ‘Please be nice to you today. OK. Goodbye.’)

Coming up this week, there will be 2 new One Minutes Messages in addition to this one, so a total of 3 out of 5 days. There will be at least one new email every day, sometimes two. The new class that I am starting for people who are 200+ days sober about worth has started its registration today. The class begins next Monday. Topics include: different ways that we determine worth, messages that we get from family, how do we construct our own ideas of worth and going forward how do we protect our ideas, how do we make these ideas concrete in our own heads. So, if you’re interested in that, you go to: http://www.soberlinks.me/worth and you can have a look at that for anybody who is 200 days or more.

Otherwise, this week is a relatively regular week I think. You’ll notice that everything that I do seems relatively predictable. Maybe that’s a good thing. I mean launching a new class is not really predictable, but One Minute Messages, you’ll hear my voice as many times as you want to this week. I’ll be sending out 2 podcasts as well to podcast members. So if you want to hear longer things, you want to hear my voice more often, you can do that.

You can read the blog. That’s always free. You can read it online. Oh, and I put up a link to a new photography project, which is a free, fun thing that we do where everybody sends in a photo on a certain theme and then we just post them. It’s not a contest. A contest would imply that there’s a winner. It’s a project. It’s an opportunity to look at our world differently with new eyes. I think I posted it on Friday of last week. You have a 10 day deadline to submit your photo. Anybody can submit a photo. You don’t have to be photographer. You don’t have to be especially talented. It’s more just a … it’s more just a project. It’s not, like I said, it’s not a competition and if you procrastinate too long and you think, ‘oh, I  need to wait for the perfect timing’, it won’t happen. So just look at the assignment and go do it and then you’re done. And you’ll see that it’s funner than you think it is. Especially if you don’t fret too much about it.

OK, well that’s it. Anything else you’d like? Any suggestions for what you might like this week? I think the first 3 suggestions I get, I will seriously consider. Send me an email. Talk to you soon. OK, good byyyyeeeee!  Happy Monday

Sober Photography (or Art) Project: Assignment #28

Time for a new sober photography project! to participate, you can be a photographer, or a painter or a artist of some kind … Time to dust off the camera, and get ready to photograph, draw or paint something lovely…

If you’re new to the blog, you can learn more about the idea of having a sober hobby here. See the results from previous projects here.

This is open for anybody, you don’t have to be a fancy ass photographer. No inner critic allowed. Are you ready?

Assignment #28 … Sober Breakfast

Take a picture of your breakfast. It can be fancy or not. I can be take-out or homemade.  

  • DEADLINE: Wednesday, September 20th @ 12 noon Eastern. Yes, a short deadline. The longer the deadline, the more likely we are to procrastinate, oui?
  • The format is open: for photos, you can use your camera phone or a nice camera. For drawings, paintings, just take a picture (or scan) and email to me.
  • The project must be original, and produced AFTER the assignment is received (like, no going through past pictures taken, it has to be new).
  • If you suck at photo adjustments or cropping, send it anyway with a note that you’d like me to adjust.
  • Send as LARGE a file size as you can manage (up to 12MB per image).  Don’t reduce for size.  the bigger the better.
  • Um, you have to be sober …
  • One entry per person per assignment (think of the size of my inbox!)

NOTE: Find something and take a picture. It’ll turn out better than you think it will. This is a fun project, you remember fun right? I learned all about fun by doing this with Christina.

THIS IS NOT A CONTEST. This is a fun thing. Just take a photo. Just have fun.

Here’s an example of breakfast to get you started.

 

Audio: Sprinkler

This is a clip from Sober Podcast Episode #211 that i sent to sober podcast members.

~~

“Feeling very grateful I listened to this podcast this evening. I’m permanently soaking wet cos of all the bloody sprinklers I walk into. I think I shall wear my raincoat always around my children :-)” ~ Hidcote
~~

In this podcast i talk about how to avoid dealing with someone (or some situation) that is making you feel nutty, and I frame it in terms of thinking about a sprinkler. To avoid getting wet, you do both of these things: you walk around the sprinkler, AND you put on a raincoat. We tend to get stuck staring at the shitty boss, the irritating husband, the bratty child (the sprinkler) – and we wonder “why are they doing this TO ME.”

That’s what boozers do. We look around, find existing problems, and drink AT them. “Fuck you, I’ll show, I’ll drink at you.” Especially in the first 200 days.

so here’s an audio on how to identify (and avoid) the sprinklers in your life.

You can listen to a 2-minute clip from this podcast and add your comments below. My blog allows anonymous comments. You should leave one. Do it today 🙂

If you’d like to listen to the whole thing you can use the link to download at the bottom of the post.

 

HOMEWORK:
Sometime in the last 48 hrs, something like this happened to you. did you walk into the sprinkler, walk around it, or put on a raincoat?

 

 

Download the entire podcast episode #211

Sign up for the monthly podcast membership
(1-2 new audios per week, you can cancel whenever you like … but you won’t. more sober tools = good)


(ps, my blog allows for anonymous comments – so you don’t have to fill in a name or an email address to post your comment below).

Over the next 24 hrs, I’ll select a blog comment and that person will receive a present funded by the Sober Good Works donations.

monday update: from your point of view

Here’s the link to today’s Monday Update message. This is omm253. This message summarizes what’s coming up this week, and i wanted to share an idea with you about Point of View: “what does it MEAN when they say this or that…”

To hear this Monday message, play below. nothing to download. just press play.

 

 

links mentioned in the audio (in order):

and in case you hate listening to audios, here’s the transcript:

 

(I took the liberty of adding a ‘u’ to Labour Day Weekend.  Is that Canadian?  Did I get it right?  Do I get a cookie? J)

Good Morning. I had an idea to do these Monday morning updates, sort of to set the pace and tone for the week, but also to let you know what happened last week and what’s happening this week. Last week on Friday, I opened a new session of the Sober Jumpstart Class with 25 new spots and I think as of today, Monday morning, there are 9 left (or 8). So if you are interested in doing that, you might want to leap on it now.

The other thing I announced last week was a new class/workshop for anybody who is more than 200 days sober. We’re calling it Sober Seniors, but really it’s more like Sober Champion or Sober Veteran or Sober something. I want you to know also that, this week — and this doesn’t happen all the time, but it definitely happened this week, especially with the message that I sent this Monday, where I said: here’s the thing for people who are new and here’s the thing for people who are 200+ days. Guess what happens? — And the reason I’m sharing this with you is so that you can see the parallel with your life. Guess what happens when you share that you’re going to do this and this? The people who are on Day 1 say “there was too much about the 200 day people.” And the people who are on 200 days say “there’s not enough for me these days, there should be more for senior people.”

Both of those opinions are true. I’m sharing this with you not because you should feel sorry for me, because I don’t feel sorry for me. Because I already know something that I want you to know which is: both of those opinions are true from the point of view of the person speaking. So there’s really no argument, there’s no: ‘No, no you’re wrong’. There’s no: ‘Let me explain’. We try to explain things to people that are TRUE from their point of view.

So you might be one of the people who emailed me and said, “Gee I wish there was more stuff for beginners”. And I’m like, everything’s for beginners. And then you might be someone who says, “I wish there was more stuff for people who are further along”. And I say, all of the early stuff is also applicable to you, just change some of the words. I set myself up that I will be a lighthouse and I will say and do the same thing all the time and that will either appeal to you or it won’t. I’m sharing this with you, not because I think it’s a really interesting story, but because I think it’s a model of something that is happening to you right now in your own life, which is where you feel like (please, I don’t feel like this) — where you feel like, “no matter what I do, somebody’s going to complain.” I don’t feel like that because I actually know what the perspective is. I know that I do the next right thing as far as I can see and that will either resonate with people or it won’t. But from my point of view, this is the right thing to do going forward, which is to have things for both ends of the sober continuum.

In your life, there are some things that you decide to do where some people are supportive and some people aren’t. Some people get it and some people don’t. Perhaps I’m modelling this for you. (You’ll remember that modelling has 2 L’s the same way that travelling last week had 2 L’s. This is Canadian spelling, I’m slowly going to inform you, word by word.) I’m modelling the fact that it doesn’t bother me. In fact, it makes me feel happy because it means that if you’re on Day 1 it’s like: ‘there’s too much about the old people’. And I’m like, OK you know, they’re really getting value out of the stuff I provide especially when it’s tailored right to them. And then if somebody says the same thing: ‘why isn’t there anything more for those…it seems like all you do is for beginning people, don’t you have anything for me’. And I’m thinking, OK what they’re saying is, I don’t want to go away, I want to stay here, can you entice me to stay. Can you provide some content that could be useful for me.

Can you hear the message that is behind the thing that the person is saying? Because our gut reflex is to be defensive to the words. You can’t be defensive to somebody’s words unless you know what the emotion driving it is. What’s behind it? Why are they saying those words? To respond to the words is to misunderstand completely what’s happening. Because there’s always a thing behind the words. Why would they say that? What would they have to be feeling to say that? So, let me tell you about this week. And if you think it’s a good idea or a bad idea, I’m OK with both of them. That’s what I mean when I say I’m okay with you not agreeing with me. I’m okay with it because I know that from your point of view, everything, of course, makes 100% total sense to you from your point of view. Of course it does. As it does from mine.

Here’s my week coming up: I have been working this past weekend which I don’t normally do. I’m not usually online on the weekends, but I have been. Because if you signed up for the Sober Jumpstart Class on Friday, it would be rude if you’re first interaction with me was then an out of the office for a long weekend, 3 days because it’s Labour Day Weekend. So I decided I would work through the weened and that I would take this coming weekend off. So I share that with you in advance so that you know that Friday, Saturday, Sunday I’ll be off line this coming weekend as opposed to having taken Labour Day weekend off. We’re going to the beach, and you will cross your fingers that we get like, I don’t know, one sunny day out of those 3 days because it seems to have turned to be September weather here abruptly. I’m not thrilled with it. Like I have to wear socks again which I’m against. I’m against socks all the time. I’m one of those ‘wear your tags inside out, don’t like stuff to scratch me’…I don’t like socks either.

Also coming up this week, there will be, in addition to this, 2 other One Minute Messages for a total of 3. I will, not everyday, but in some of the days where I don’t put up a new one, I will put up an archived one. Like you might have noticed on the weekend there was one for Julie from the cruse director at The Love Boat. She made a guest appearance/reappearance.

I sent out a new podcast to podcast subscribers about compliance on the weekend, that was on Saturday, and a new one will go out Tuesday or Wednesday, but I am definitely doing 2 new podcasts a week now for people who have the membership for…to get the new podcasts every week as they’re released. It is cheaper to do the membership than it is to buy them individually. But of course you may still choose to pick and choose. You can do that. I did get an email though from somebody who said: “I used to pick and choose the audios until I realized there was something in every audio and that I couldn’t base it on the title,” so I’ll just (it sounds so self-serving) I’ll just share that with you in case that’s helpful.

I will also share with you a little story from my weekend which will be illustrative and will sound like sobriety. Are you ready? I did a month without television, for the month of August. It’s something that I do each year. I don’t suggest this. I’m not recommending this. I’m not saying this is good for early sobriety. I’m simply telling you something that I did. Like quitting drinking, the period of time was short, and so it meant that I watched for the end of it the whole time. Which is why I actually think it’s easier to quit drinking for longer than it is to quit for shorter and there is a One Minute Message about this called Long Haul. I’ll put a link to that in the show notes. But I quit for a month which meant that probably only 3 times or 4 times in the month did I really think, “Fuck I really wish I could just like, zone out and watch a show.” It’s not that I don’t have other ways to zone out, I do. I was just doing an exclusion with the television thing. And then, when it got to the end of the month, of course I got to make a decision about whether or not I continued. I thought, “well I only said I was doing it for a month so.” I still haven’t watched television, yet. So now it’s what day (I don’t even know what the day is) the 4th? But what I did do was I played a video game which was part of the thing that I gave up. I gave up TV and video games for a month.

What I did do on Saturday – this is going to sound familiar – is I said to myself, I’ll just play one game. I’ll just play 2 games. (I’ll just have one drink.) I’ll just do a little bit. I’ve had some time off, I’m sure now I won’t get sucked right back into it.

I loaded the game on my phone, snuggled into bed and thought, “oh this is the thing I’ve been looking for all month. This is the thing I’ve been waiting for. I’ve been yearning for something. So I snuggled into bed on Saturday and I got my phone and I turned on the game and 4½ hours went by. It went from light to dark. I didn’t eat. It’s not even that I really felt like playing the game. It’s that once I started to play the game, I didn’t feel like stopping. It’s not that I was particularly excited to be playing the game. It’s that once I began, I was disinclined to stop. So at the end of that experiment, I uninstalled it from my phone.

I’m sharing it with you as a way of accountability to say the following: the thing that is setting off that part of my brain doesn’t go away by me not doing it for a month. The only way to get that to stop… like I said it came up 3 times in the month where I really thought – yeah, yeah, yeah I want this … if I quit for longer, that 3 times would become 2 and then it would become 1 and then it would stop. I know this is the same for quitting drinking. I share this as a story because if you are near Day 1, you can see directly how this applies to being sober. But if you’re on Day 200, you can see directly how this applies to quitting smoking. You think about it a lot at the beginning and then less and less and then it stops. If we quit for a day, then we’re just waiting to drink again. It’s easier to quit for longer. I suggest quitting for longer only if what you’ve been trying has been working and you’d like to try a new strategy and so, it’s sometimes easier to say 100 days than a week. It’s easier to say a year than 100 days. Because then your brain goes, “OK, well I’m just not going to think about it then, I’m not going to negotiate.” The answer is no. The answer is just no, I’m not going to keep revisiting it going, how about now, what about now, can I do it now. No.”

OK, well this is long for a Monday update, so stuff coming up:

  • 2 x podcasts a week
  • 3 x One Minute Messages this week
  • Daily emails, sometimes twice a day. Definitely one a day, sometimes two
  • I’m doing coaching calls this week, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday
  • I’ll be away Friday, Saturday, Sunday offline. Not travelling with my laptop. I’ll have my phone for emergencies but I’m offline. And I will be at the beach. Theoretically, not sitting under an umbrella. Well, if it’s umbrella, it better be a sun umbrella.

That’s all I have to say. Happy Monday. Talk to you soon. OK Good Byyyyyeeee.