it can’t be that important

if you work in a place with a boozy culture, it can’t be that important to ‘fit in’ that you’ll do something that isn’t what’s best for you.



It can’t be so important to fit in. It just can’t. So you have three choices: you either attend the events and don’t drink, or you don’t attend, or you work somewhere else. And a boozy cruise? I say no to that, hands-down, and here’s why.

This audio is taken from podcast SP204 which was just sent to podcast subscribers yesterday (the full version of the audio is 20 minutes long).

If you are not a podcast subscriber, and you sign up today, the full version of this audio will come to you automatically.


(ps, my blog allows for anonymous comments – so you don’t have to fill in a name or an email address to post your comment below).

Over the next 48 hrs, I’ll select a blog comment and that person will receive a present funded by the Sober Good Works donations.

thanks for the judgment [fiction]

quote from the new fiction writing project. this is fiction. this isn’t me, and it isn’t an email from a subscriber 🙂 it’s the internal dialogue of the main character as they imagine what speaking with their boss will be like …

What, quit drinking? Are you high? Drinking is the only thing that’s holding me together right now. To suggest that it’s perhaps the cause of any of this is illogical. You don’t know me. My life is a mess, OK, that’s why I drink. You’d drink too if you knew what I have to deal with. Thanks for the judgement. (No judgement.) Really, you don’t think it’s just a tad judgey to accuse someone of being an alcoholic out of nowhere? (Didn’t say that. Asked if you’d thought to perhaps take a break from the booze to see if it improved anything.)

Like if skip my one glass of wine tonight, my job will magically improve? Yeah, right, that’s logical. And if I don’t drink next Monday, my credit card will be paid off? This whole conversation is stupid. I wanted … oh forget it. I thought you were going to give me a YouTube video about stress in the workplace or something like that. Shit. Really. What I do when I’m not at work, that’s none of your business.


question: did you ever have a conversation like this? with someone else or just in your head?

Tuesday Celebration Roundup

Happy Day 50 to Rory!

Happy Day 50 to Chalee!

Happy Day 50 to Wanderlust!

Happy Day 50 to NMD!

Happy Day 50 to Annikki!

Happy Day 50 to Maggie Mo!

Happy Day 50 to lmichel!

Happy Day 100 to SDBKatz!

Happy Day 100 to Auntimame!

Happy Day 100 to Renne in Rochester!

Happy Day 100 to Rehc!

Happy Day 100 to Sobergirl72!

Happy Day 180 to Ninabear!

Happy Day 180 to Aimee!

Happy Day 180 to Kaycee!

Happy Day 180 to La Sobria!

Happy Day 180 to Blou!

Happy Day 180 to Jazzhands70!

Happy Day 180 to Retiring Party Girl!

Happy Day 180 to Stefanie!

Happy Day 200 to Mummabear!

Happy Day 200 to LOL!

Happy Day 200 to GK!

Happy Day 200 to Franci!

Happy Day 200 to Loz!

Happy Day 200 to IC Momentum!

Happy Day 200 to Buttercup244!

Happy Day 200 to SoberinVA!

Happy Day 300 to Rachel E!

Happy Day 300 to FlightPlan!

Happy Day 300 to Inspired!

Happy Day 300 to Calypso!

Happy Day 300 to Bunnie!

Happy Day 300 to Liz!

Happy Day 365 to Unduped!

Happy Day 365 to TSilver!

Happy Day 365 to Froggy Google!

Happy Day 365 to Frupa63!

Happy Day 365 to VMD Free!

Happy Day 400 to RaspberriKiss!

Happy Day 400 to Hollykate!

Happy Day 400 to JT Weir!

Happy Day 400 to Edi!

Happy Day 600 to Case Study Michelle!

Happy Day 600 to Phoenix!

Happy Day 800 to MJP!

Happy Day 800 to Graceful!

Happy Day 1000 to Gabbygirl37!

Happy Day 1000 to TheMadnessStopsNow!

Happy Day 1000 to Elly!

Happy Day 1000 to Kenney!

Happy Day 1100 to Kenney!

Happy Day 1100 to Paulita!

Happy Day 1200 to IrishGirl!

Happy Day 1200 to KateF!

Happy Day 1300 to Challenges!

Happy Day 1800 to Katherine!

Audio: BBC Interview “Is Drinking Required?”

On May 4th, i was interviewed by BBC Three Counties Radio, on the JVS Show (with Jonathan Vernon-Smith).

I had no idea who the presenter was, had no time to do research, and was pretty surprised at how this went.

when i listen back to this now, i feel tense! like i can’t tell how ‘she’ is going to respond. there is a lot of good-natured laughing (thank god) but it was by far, this is the most stressful audio i’ve ever done.

your thoughts welcome 🙂


Dancing Rabbit: “This audio made me squirm. He was such a boozer and so sure of his rightness. You did great. Gracious and sane (is that the best compliment I can come up with?).”

Sober Sparkles: “Well, isn’t he just a shining example of exactly WHY we don’t bother getting into these types conversations with people. When I start getting push back from people like that, I tend to ignore them (but if they do decide to take me on they get shock, just like he did. You are much better versed on the subject and can counter all their objections and it makes them sound really dumb).  And I’m sure he is only joking about dinner, he knows you would be a fun dinner guest. He seemed to like you 🙂 I got what you mean about “tense”. I didn’t mind him so much, but it is that “attitude” that bothers me, they are so blind and I wish I could make them see.”

Case Study Michelle: “Wow, the end part where you explained what it’s like to be the sober person at a dinner party and how the drinkers repeat themselves and are annoying. His reaction sounded like you could have blown him over with a feather. His reaction could be the dictionary definition of a ‘light bulb moment’.”



Usually i only put up an extract of the podcast and then tell you to go buy the whole thing and/or to sign up for the monthly podcast subscription.

But today I’d like you to listen to this audio in its entirety.

i am posting the whole audio and I’ll leave it here for 48 hrs so that you can hear the entire thing even if you’re not a podcast subscriber. So please listen now. right now. My only request is that you leave a comment. Feedback is crucial 🙂


Sign up for the monthly podcast subscription
(1-2 new audios per week, you can cancel whenever you like … but you won’t. more sober tools = good)


the boozing you is a liar

if you drink, it creates a whole, different version of you, and it’s not the real you.



If you drink, you change the trajectory of your life in a large way. So when we stop drinking, it’s like there’s two people – the old us (the boozer) and the new us (the sober us). Which one is the real one?

This audio is taken from podcast SP203 (the full version of the audio is 30 minutes long).


Download the audio podcast episode 203

Sign up for the monthly podcast subscription
(1-2 new audios per week, you can cancel whenever you like … but you won’t. more sober tools = good)

(ps, my blog allows for anonymous comments – so you don’t have to fill in a name or an email address to post your comment below).


Your favourite summer drinks

you are already familiar with my lemonade with rosemary recipe.

here’s another idea from Resiliensea (day 257):  “The ‘fancy drinks’ I concoct follow a simple recipe: ice, tonic water and whatever appropriate ingredients I can find in the fridge/ garden. Things that work: Cantaloupe / Basil / Limeade / Cucumber / Raspberries / Lemon juice / Seltzer water / Orange juice. I don’t measure anything because if a craving hits, I need something fast that does not require thought.  Then I have to slow down and actually taste the drink to decide if it’s good or sucky.  Usually it calls for a second serving. Then I’m full, and much of the craving goes away.”

Doesn’t tonic + cucumber juice sound good? I have to admit that i drink a fair amount of tonic + apple vinegar (just one tablespoon added to a big glass of tonic).


Audio: I’ll Have to Apologize

When I sent out Sober Podcast Episode #194 to sober podcast subscribers,  i asked listeners to tell me the ONE phrase that stood out for them.

Before I even tell you what the podcast is about, here’s some of the responses I got.


Dancing Rabbit: “I assume neglect, she assumes politeness”

~ ~

Max1165: “I didn’t pour alcohol on a sadness and make it worse…and then make today a misery.” I poured alcohol on sadness and made it worse for about 4 years. Then couldn’t seem to find a way out of the misery, long after the original sadness was over. Now I see things with new eyes as well.  All I had to do was remove the alcohol.”

~ ~

Sandal: “I didn’t add a problem to a problem.”

~ ~

G: My sentence is: “alcohol gloomifies everything” – which it does. I also liked when you said ‘je voudrais un cafe avec beacoup du creme’. For some reason that made me smile and think you were on the right path.”

~ ~

BG: “I did not pour booze on my head to make the situation worse.” So often that’s what I did. Too often to count. Thank you for your honesty and humour. I could listen to you all day 😊 There was something very cool about being in the cafe with you. Listening to you order in French. I felt like I was at the table with you. Also dispelling the myth that sobriety makes everything perfect. Like as if the same shit was not going to bother you. The point you make so well is drinking when bothered will only make it worse plus you never get any good solutions or acceptance under the booze cloud.

~ ~

OK, what is the podcast about?
It is about apologizing. Or rather, it is about ME realizing that it’s not all about me.

You can listen to a clip from this podcast and add your comments below. My blog allows anonymous comments. You should leave one. Do it today 🙂

If you’d like to listen to the whole thing you can use the link to download at the bottom of the post.


Have you had a situation recently where you have WAY over-reacted and realized that you probably didn’t understand the other person’s behaviour properly?



Download the entire podcast episode #194

Sign up for the monthly podcast subscription
(1-2 new audios per week, you can cancel whenever you like … but you won’t. more sober tools = good)

(ps, my blog allows for anonymous comments – so you don’t have to fill in a name or an email address to post your comment below).

Over the next 24 hrs, I’ll select a blog comment and that person will receive a present funded by the Sober Good Works donations.

Tuesday Celebration Roundup

Happy Day 50 to Liquid Tracy

Happy Day 50 to LinZeeLou!

Happy Day 50 to Rambling Rose!

Happy Day 50 to MsM!

Happy Day 50 to Kimpossible!

Happy Day 50 to Doriomom!

Happy Day 50 to Balancebeam!

Happy Day 100 to -L.!

Happy Day 100 to LittleRed!

Happy Day 100 to Tea!

Happy Day 100 to Happy Day 100 to Pahobe!

Happy Day 100 to Sandal!

Happy Day 100 to Spring Rabbit!

Happy Day 100 to Scrappy!

Happy Day 100 to Sobergirl72!

Happy Day 100 to Bonkers!

Happy Day 100 to Karebear!

Happy Day 180 to IngridandMac!

Happy Day 180 to Gomez!

Happy Day 180 to Peewit!

Happy Day 180 to Steph!

Happy Day 180 to Lavender!

Happy Day 180 to Sheree!

Happy Day 180 to Gina!

Happy Day 180 to Helen!

Happy Day 180 to LunaBlu!

Happy Day 180 to Sings!

Happy Day 180 to Ararebird!

Happy Day 180 to Mummabear!

Happy Day 180 to Wanda T!

Happy Day 180 to LOL!

Happy Day 180 to GK!

Happy Day 180 to Franci!

Happy Day 180 to IC Momemtum!

Happy Day 180 to Loz!

Happy Day 180 to Buttercup244!

Happy Day 200 to Jaylee!

Happy Day 200 to MrsRoberts!

Happy Day 200 to Lizzytish!

Happy Day 200 to Peaceable J!

Happy Day 200 to Mindful Monica!

Happy Day 200 to SarahJune31!

Happy Day 300 to Girl Named Sam!

Happy Day 300 to Meadowmuffins!

Happy Day 300 to Jeans!

Happy Day 300 to Carly!

Happy Day 300 to AmandaJ!

Happy Day 300 to Jena14!

Happy Day 300 to Lori!

Happy Day 365 to TT!

Happy Day 365 to Tierrazul!

Happy Day 365 to Nomorebsing!

Happy Day 365 to Sabrina!

Happy Day 400 to Leftcoastgirl!

Happy Day 400 to Rivets!

Happy Day 400 to BethBeth!

Happy Day 500 to CaseyM!

Happy Day 500 to Surfrider11!

Happy Day 500 to Runnergirl!

Happy Day 600 to ChellyBelly!

Happy Day 600 to KAB!

Happy Day 600 to StonewallPDS!

Happy Day 600 to Hughie!

Happy Day 600 to JP!

Happy Day 700 to Linley!

Happy Day 700 to Nicholascharles!

Happy Day 700 to Cal!

Happy Day 800 to Graceful!

Happy Day 800 to Grateful Girl!

Happy Day 900 to Kitkatpaddywack!

Happy Day 900 to 1035!

Happy Day 900 to Jayda!

Happy Day 900 to Frankie!

Happy Day 900 to LJ63!

Happy Day 900 to Sean!

Happy Day 1000 to Rexytime!

Happy Day 1000 to Cocomac!

Happy Day 1000 to NewChris!

Happy Day 1000 to Jas!

Happy Day 1000 to Ish!

Happy Day 1000 to Meagan!

Happy Day 1000 to Lara!

Happy Day 1200 to Janett!

Happy Day 1200 to Tlecompte!

Happy Day 1200 to Hcasstevens!

Happy Day 1200 to Otherjosh!

Happy Day 1200 to Runnermom!

Happy Day 1200 to JLynn!

Happy Day 1226 to Julie Joy’s Dad!

Happy Day 1300 to Margy!

Happy Day 1300 to Wanting to be a Sober Mom!

Happy Day 1300 to Tammi!

Happy Day 1300 to Shell Bell!

Happy Day 1300 to Tuomas!

Happy Day 1300 to Nuchter Maya!

Happy Day 1300 to Janet!

Happy Day 1300 to Beach_Gurl!

Happy Day 1400 to DianeLouise!

Happy Day 1500 to KristinRecovering!

Happy Day 1500 to Original Beth!

Happy Day 1500 to Leah!

Happy 5 years to me 🙂

Audio: “The 5% that is me”

On the weekend, I recorded an epic 3-hour live radio show to celebrate my soberversary. Yes, i literally talked for 3 hrs, and recorded 6 separate podcasts. if you missed the live broadcast, don’t despair. Audios will be sent out to sober podcast subscribers over the coming weeks.

What I’m posting below is some of that brand new content!

(and i’ve been thinking about this part of the audio since i recorded it on saturday.)




to receive this full podcast
and the rest of the new content,
sign up for the monthly podcast subscription
(1-2 new audios per week, you can cancel whenever you like … but you won’t. more sober tools = good)

(ps, my blog allows for anonymous comments – so you don’t have to fill in a name or an email address to post your comment below).

Over the next 24 hrs, I’ll select a blog comment and that person will receive a present funded by the Sober Good Works donations. 

Question: What’s one phrase or idea that seems new or like an a-ha moment from this audio clip?

not everything that is helpful is useful

this is an extract from an email sent to the Everything List (which is the place where i share ‘everything’ including behind the scenes reporting on writing, pictures of my lunch, how writing is like sobriety, and samples of the new fiction project).

from me: i’ve written myself into a corner with the fiction. i’ve closed  the open loops and don’t know what happens next. (this happens.)

but that has led me to “what’s the point in writing fiction anyway,” – and i don’t mean the thing i’m writing, i mean fiction in general. what’s the point of fiction? …

i’m temporarily stuck. i feel like non-fiction is more direct. “how do i deal with a husband who drinks now that i’m sober” versus “here’s a story about a woman with a husband.” maybe the lessons are still there, but maybe the vehicle of delivery is all that changes.

but if the lessons are the same, then why fiction?

i’m sure i’ll be able to write myself back to an answer to this, but today, right here and right now, i’ve lost the plot (hahahahaha). [and if writing is like being sober, then even when you lose the plot, you keep going, because – even as i say it here – i’m sure i’ll be able to find the way if i keep going.]

Quote from this week’s fiction writing:

OK, you’re up. The room – you can’t even look at the room. The hallway – you can’t even look at the hallway, the bookshelf contents on the floor, now walked through repeatedly, how long has it been. Into the kitchen, can’t really look in here, either, something in the pan on the stove, it could have been risotto (really?). You pick up and hold the takeout container close to your face, smell it, afraid, but seems fresh enough, so it probably was dinner last night after all.

It’s weird day when I wake up and it feels like I’m on an archaeological exploration in my own home. What did I do? What did I eat?

You check your phone for sent messages. Scroll …


Mich2point0 sent me this: “That’s just wolfie’S cousin- self doubt creeping in.  She’s a c-nt… kick her ass to the curb Xxoo.”

me: haha. maybe it is!  it’s just that after doing a big live call yesterday, THAT seems more ‘useful’ than fiction…

Mich2: “Lmfao!!!!! Not everything that is helpful is useful. Sometimes. I get fucking tired of self help and all that jazz. Sometimes. I want to disappear into a good book or listen to something fun or funny. Relatable.  You don’t determine what’s useful. That’s a high powers job. You. Just do what you’ve been called to do…”

*your comments make the world go round. add in your thoughts.*