Wednesday Celebration Roundup

Happy Day 50 to Stanley!

Happy Day 50 to Wafflehousemomma!

Happy Day 50 to Leener!

Happy Day 50 to Smokey!

Happy Day 50 to MelMel!

Happy Day 50 to Scrappy!

Happy Day 50 to Peppercorn!

Happy Day 50 to Springer

Happy Day 50 to Debbi Does Sober!

Happy Day 100 to LDM4ME!

Happy Day 100 to ree67!

Happy Day 100 to Mlodius!

Happy Day 100 to Frog!

Happy Day 100 to Bug June!

Happy Day 100 to MiMoMa!

Happy Day 100 to JenJen!

Happy Day 100 to CryBabyinCali!

Happy Day 100 to Lars!

Happy Day 100 to Flyaway!

Happy Day 100 to Sober Tea!

Happy Day 100 to Dry Ace!

Happy Day 180 to SDBKatz!

Happy Day 180 to AuntieMame!

Happy Day 180 to Arya!

Happy Day 200 to renne in rochester!

Happy Day 200 to LittleRed!

Happy Day 200 to Sandal!

Happy Day 200 to RedRidingHood!

Happy Day 300 to SoberinVa!

Happy Day 300 to Jaylee!

Happy Day 300 to MrsRoberts!

Happy Day 300 to Lizzytish!

Happy Day 300 to Peaceable J!

Happy Day 300 to Mindful Monica!

Happy Day 300 to SarahJune31!

Happy Day 365 to Blondie!

Happy Day 365 to Jamie-Tampa!

Happy Day 365 to Capt. Unwinded!

Happy Day 365 to Tiger2017!

Happy Day 365 to Honoring Grace!

Happy Day 365 to Boozy Betty!

Happy Day 365 to A_Sober_Cannibal!

Happy Day 365 to Shannon A!

Happy Day 365 to Sisty!

Happy Day 365 to SohoCat!

Happy Day 365 to Ashley!

Happy Day 400 to Calypso!

Happy Day 400 to Allie!

Happy Day 400 to Bunnie!

Happy Day 400 to Liz!

Happy Day 400 to A Girl Named Sam!

Happy Day 400 to Meadowmuffins!

Happy Day 400 to Jeans!

Happy Day 400 to AmandaJ!

Happy Day 400 to Jena14!

Happy Day 500 to JT Weir!

Happy Day 500 to Edi!

Happy Day 500 to Leftcoastgirl!

Happy Day 600 to CaseyM!

Happy Day 600 to Runnergirl!

Happy Day 700 to Trueleah!

Happy Day 700 to Phoenix!

Happy Day 700 to ChellyBelly!

Happy Day 800 to Linley!

Happy Day 900 to Grateful Girl!

Happy Day 900 to Jenuhful!

Happy Day 1000 to Coffeecuphead!

Happy Day 1000 to Kitkatpaddywack!

Happy Day 1000 to 1035!

Happy Day 1000 to Frankie!

Happy Day 1000 to LJ63!

Happy Day 1000 to Sean!

Happy Day 1100 to Elly!

Happy Day 1100 to 19Cathleen!

Happy Day 1100 to Rexytime!

Happy Day 1100 to Cocomack!

Happy Day 1100 to NewChris!

Happy Day 1100 to Jas!

Happy Day 1100 to Canadian Girl!

Happy Day 1200 to Paulita!

Happy Day 1200 to Artsmommy!

Happy Day 1200 to Ish!

Happy Day 1200 to Bekki!

Happy Day 1200 to Meagan!

Happy Day 1200 to Lara!

Happy Day 1300 to Janett!

Happy Day 1300 to tlecompte!

Happy Day 1300 to hcassstevens!

Happy Day 1300 to otherjosh!

Happy Day 1300 to runnermom!

Happy Day 1300 to jlynn!

Happy Day 1400 to KateF!

Happy Day 1400 to Margy!

Happy Day 1400 to Wanting to be a sober mom!

Happy Day 1400 to Tammi!

Happy Day 1400 to Shell Bell!

Happy Day 1400 to Tuomas!

Happy Day 1400 to Nuchter Maya!

Happy Day 1400 to Janet!

Happy Day 1400 to Beach_Gurl!

Happy Day 1500 to DianeLouise!

Happy Day 1600 to Original Betgh!

Happy Day 1600 to Leah!

omm268.wrong.place

In this audio, I call bullshit on a bunch of excuses. I can’t be sober in this way, my support must look like ‘this’, I can’t practise my skating routine on the path at the park. All not true.

[be sure to scroll down for photos]

  • Get these audios on iTunes (apple podcast) > link

 

Transcript.

OK, I get this kind of thing in my Inbox all the time. This will sound familiar to you:

“Dear Belle, I wish there was an AA meeting close to me that had people that were my age. I wish I could go to an AA meeting where there were hot men. I wish there was an AA meeting where they were 35-41 years old. I wish I could find a place to practice my skating routine, but I can only do it at the rink.”

What do you hear there when I say that? You hear wolfie, right?

“I can’t get it that way. Those people can’t help me. This is the wrong place. This is the wrong time. I can’t start until everything lines up. I can’t do it this way.”

You have a voice in your head that wants you to keep drinking, so it will manufacture reasons why the support is wrong for you. “I can’t have a phone call with a sober coach because of 1300 imaginary reasons. I can’t practice my skating routine unless I’m at the rink.”

You’ve thought that. Perfectionism.

“If I can’t get it to all line up then I don’t want to do it.”

And I want you to know that today when I was at the duck pond, when I was doing my run, I saw a woman practicing her skating routine on the pathway. She wasn’t in the water, she was on the track where I was running around the pond, she was off to one side doing her skating routine.

And I looked at her and I thought: Fuck, that’s genius. You don’t wait for winter. You don’t wait for ice. You can practise it right here. Of course you can. Stop with all of this, ‘It’s not lined up properly’. Stop with all of this, “I need the right room at the right time with the right person’. It’s all bullshit.

Your brain is manufacturing reasons why this won’t work for you.

It’s all not true.

I took a picture of the woman with the skating thing [below] …

And I thought, if that’s not a sober metaphor I don’t know what is. And then this morning, I get an email that says: “I really wish I could find an AA meeting where people were 26-31 or 35-42.”

No.

I call bullshit.

I call bullshit.

And you can stop that shit right now.

 

Audio: Incongruent

This is an audio clip from Sober Podcast #215 sent to sober podcast members.

I did a personalized audio for a subscriber about fear, defensiveness, rationalizations.

And it’s also about the incongruent idea of drinking — how having alcohol in your life wouldn’t match up with what you say, and who you say you are.

To get you started, you can listen to this clip from the audio, and then you can add your comments below. My blog allows anonymous comments.

If you’d like to listen to the whole thing, you can use the link to download at the bottom of the post.

 

Question:
In what way is drinking incongruent with who you say you are?

 

 

Download the entire podcast episode #215

Sign up for the monthly podcast membership
(1-2 new audios per week, you can cancel whenever you like … but you won’t. more sober tools = good)


(ps, my blog allows for anonymous comments – so you don’t have to fill in a name or an email address to post your comment below).

Over the next 24 hrs, I’ll select a blog comment and that person will receive a present funded by the Sober Good Works donations.

pass out in your chair [Julie-Joy’s Dad Part 2]

from me:

i received a long email from Julie-Joy’s Dad about his new sober life. it’s so fascinating that i want to share it all with you, but it’s long (i said that already) and so i’m going to split it into parts. Part 1 was previously posted here.

===

[May 2016]
email from Julie-Joy’s Dad (day 822): “Hi Belle, I wanted some insight with my drinking problem, which I thought really wasn’t that bad. So I sent my “girls” (girls includes my wife) an email and asked them to tell me about the before and after. I was surprised. Actually I was a little shocked! You will like the response from my wife. Enjoy.  This is my original email:  I need your help! I like to read the blogs of “Belle’s” website and I find them encouraging and in some cases sad. I am looking at my own journey and how content and happy I am right now and I would like to add a perspective to the blog (or whatever) from my family. Could you write a paragraph or two about the DAD (& husband) before the 100 day sober challenge, and the DAD after taking the challenge? Thanks and I love you. DAD (and your Mom’s hubby).”

Julie-Joy’s sister (Krista, day 459):

I never realized it until you were into your 100 day journey, that the time I spent at your house was less and less. I think subconsciously it was because of your drinking. Most of the time you would be drinking, get grumpy, eat and then pass out in your chair. You didn’t want to give us (the boys and myself) kisses goodbye and I think it’s because you didn’t want me to smell the booze on your breath. There were times I needed rescuing (like when I ran out of gas) or others situations that I cannot remember and you could not help because you knew you could not and should not drive.

But fast forward into your 100 day journey. We (the boys and myself) are at your house all the time. You are active and successful. You were already a positive person but you it shows through so much more now that you are not drinking. I know that I can call you any time and you are able and capable of helping me out — unless you are on one of your 8 mile walks. 😉 You hug and kiss us goodbye all the time!

You have inspired me! And although my own choice to not drink is one I chose for myself, you were definitely part of the process. Love you dad!

From JJ’s Dad: Belle, my youngest daughter, Renee didn’t write anything, but just called me and told me that she didn’t see me when I was drinking. Which is true. I didn’t get to see her very much and since she has moved with her husband … all she knows is that I am really happy and full of love. She told me that she loved me so much and started to cry. So, I gave her a pass. Her hands are full right now. Her mother-in-law has been diagnosed with cancer and they have given her 2 months to live. Renee is a mother of 2 young children: a 2½ and 1 year old. Renee is the spiritual one and such a wonderful woman.

[end part 2]

Wednesday Celebration Roundup

Happy Day 50 to IC Momentum!

Happy Day 50 to Pahobe!

Happy Day 50 to Lordi!

Happy Day 50 to Ket!

Happy Day 50 to Garcia!

Happy Day 50 to Celine!

Happy Day 50 to LateTrier!

Happy Day 50 to RoseStar!

Happy Day 100 to ree67!

Happy Day 100 to Klowe!

Happy Day 100 to fifty & free!

Happy Day 100 to Sillymelove!

Happy Day 100 to mich2point0!

Happy Day 100 to Annikki!

Happy Day 100 to lmichel!

Happy Day 180 to renne in rochester!

Happy Day 180 to LittleRed!

Happy Day 180 to Sandal!

Happy Day 180 to RedRidingHood!

Happy Day 200 to Myriam!

Happy Day 200 to Goldie!

Happy Day 200 to Lex!

Happy Day 200 to Newg!

Happy Day 200 to Leigh Ann (penpal #3)!

Happy Day 200 to Alicat!

Happy Day 200 to Char S!

Happy Day 200 to RossFU!

Happy Day 200 to Superkitty!

Happy Day 200 to 35&changing!

Happy Day 300 to Lime Tree!

Happy Day 300 to Princess Buttercup!

Happy Day 300 to Wynn!

Happy Day 300 to Sophiestar!

Happy Day 300 to Jazzie!

Happy Day 300 to Gem64!

Happy Day 300 to Bruna!

Happy Day 300 to Nowinemom!

Happy Day 300 to SueW!

Happy Day 300 to Roadtosoberville!

Happy Day 300 to Kiki71!

Happy Day 300 to Honey Bear!

Happy Day 300 to Resiliensea!

Happy Day 365 to Grace514!

Happy Day 365 to Indy!

Happy Day 365 to Pwhims!

Happy Day 365 to Rachel E!

Happy Day 365 to FlightPlan!

Happy Day 365 to Inspired!

Happy Day 365 to Calypso!

Happy Day 365 to Allie!

Happy Day 365 to Bunnie!

Happy Day 365 to Liz!

Happy Day 365 to Girl Named Sam!

Happy Day 365 to Meadowmuffins!

Happy Day 365 to AmandaJ!

Happy Day 365 to Jena14!

Happy Day 400 to Gene!

Happy Day 400 to Lola4126!

Happy Day 400 to TJS!

Happy Day 400 to Ruby Harper!

Happy Day 400 to Poppy!

Happy Day 400 to Topo Chico!

Happy Day 400 to Ruby!

Happy Day 400 to Hollm!

Happy Day 400 to Reg!

Happy Day 400 to bemmy girl!

Happy Day 400 to BattleMatt!

Happy Day 400 to Maverick!

Happy Day 400 to Aprile!

Happy Day 400 to Froggy Google!

Happy Day 400 to Unduped!

Happy Day 500 to Rogueyogi!

Happy Day 500 to Miss Kell!

Happy Day 500 to Dry Ginger!

Happy Day 500 to Reenie!

Happy Day 500 to Imara!

Happy Day 600 to Auds!

Happy Day 600 to KaffyB!

Happy Day 600 to Debbie!

Happy Day 600 to KLC!

Happy Day 600 to Country Pat!

Happy Day 600 to Lanza!

Happy Day 600 to Chell!

Happy Day 600 to Franny!

Happy Day 600 to Husband #1!

Happy Day 700 to Hughie!

Happy Day 700 to JP!

Happy Day 700 to Gypsy Girl!

Happy Day 800 to Cal!

Happy Day 800 to Gordon!

Happy Day 800 to Unwinedgal!

Happy Day 900 to tk!

Happy Day 1000 to Indian Lake!

Happy Day 1000 to MelP!

Happy Day 1000 to Solstice Guy!

Happy Day 1000 to Summer Walking!

Happy Day 1000 to Turcotte!

Happy Day 1000 to Southern Magnolia1013!

Happy Day 1000 to Maureen!

Happy Day 1100 to GG!

Happy Day 1100 to Festie!

Happy Day 1100 to Graceb!

Happy Day 1100 to Paris!

Happy Day 1100 to Shout444!

Happy Day 1100 to Midwestveggie!

Happy Day 1100 to Rah!

Happy Day 1100 to RoseMarie!

Happy Day 1100 to Janna!

Happy Day 1100 to Jacqui!

Happy Day 1100 to Kelz!

Happy Day 1100 to Petunia!

Happy Day 1200 to Sharlotte!

Happy Day 1200 to Mizgabz!

Happy Day 1200 to Sanfransober!

Happy Day 1200 to Sarah72!

Happy Day 1200 to CassieB!

Happy Day 1200 to Shelby!

Happy Day 1200 to Weenie!

Happy Day 1200 to 1111!

Happy Day 1200 to Manda!

Happy Day 1300 to Julie-Joy’s Dad!

Happy Day 1300 to Jessie!

Happy Day 1300 to Heike!

Happy Day 1300 to Isabel!

Happy Day 1300 to Daybird!

Happy Day 1300 to LolaB!

Happy Day 1300 to Connie!

Happy Day 1300 to Fich!

Happy Day 1300 to Hank!

Happy Day 1300 to Aschae!

Happy Day 1300 to Emery!

Happy Day 1400 to Denise!

Happy Day 1400 to TheFun4!

Happy Day 1400 to terence!

Happy Day 1400 to Clear Eyed Girl!

Happy Day 1400 to Hazeleyes!

Happy Day 1400 to Case Study Tim!

Happy Day 1400 to Baby girl butterfly!

Happy Day 1400 to Primrose!

Happy Day 1400 to Sadie!

Happy Day 1400 to SignGurl!

Happy Day 1400 to Jeannie Yogini!

Happy Day 1400 to Jilly Bean!

Happy Day 1500 to Jenisthesoberist!

Happy Day 1500 to Sharon!

Happy Day 1500 to LD!

Happy Day 1500 to Laurie!

Happy Day 1600 to Kate Sober Journalist!

Happy Day 1700 to Amy!

Happy Day 1915 to me!

Audio: Compliance

This is an audio clip from Sober Podcast #213 sent to sober podcast members.

There are tools available for us, to help us to be sober, it’s just that we don’t like them, and we don’t want to use them.

I’d have to say that a good indicator of the probability of success that you will be long-term sober, is an openness to try things that are against what your brain thinks is a good idea.

To get you started, you can listen to this clip from the audio, and then you can add your comments below. My blog allows anonymous comments.

If you’d like to listen to the whole thing, you can use the link to download at the bottom of the post.

 

HOMEWORK:
If I were to suggest to you that you email me 3-4 times a day, what would wolfie say to you to explain why you CAN’T do it?

 

 

Download the entire podcast episode #213

Sign up for the monthly podcast membership
(1-2 new audios per week, you can cancel whenever you like … but you won’t. more sober tools = good)


(ps, my blog allows for anonymous comments – so you don’t have to fill in a name or an email address to post your comment below).

Over the next 24 hrs, I’ll select a blog comment and that person will receive a present funded by the Sober Good Works donations.

tuesday update: the future of the One Minute Messages

Here’s the link to today’s Tuesday Update message. This is omm260, and it’s a recap of the distribution of these one minute messages, how to send them out the best way.

To hear this tuesday message, play below. nothing to download. just press play.

 

 

links mentioned in the audio:

  • Gumroad: Sign up for these one minute messages on Gumroad to get access to ALL 200+ episodes & the occasional video from paris. there’s a video about a poop truck:  https://gum.co/belle-omm/itunes
  • iTunes (apple podcast) > link
  • Get the daily email messages > link
  • Longer podcast subscription > link

 

And here’s the photo of my lunch, funded by the tiny gift fund.

broken mirror, bent golf club, two bullet holes [Julie-Joy’s Dad Part 1]

from me:

i received a long email from Julie-Joy’s Dad about his new sober life. it’s so fascinating that i want to share it all with you, but it’s long (i said that already) and so i’m going to split it into parts. Here’s Part 1:

===

[May 2016]
email from Julie-Joy’s Dad (day 822): “Hi Belle, I wanted some insight with my drinking problem, which I thought really wasn’t that bad. So I sent my “girls” (girls includes my wife) an email and asked them to tell me about the before and after. I was surprised. Actually I was a little shocked! You will like the response from my wife. Enjoy.  This is my original email:  I need your help! I like to read the blogs of “Belle’s” website and I find them encouraging and in some cases sad. I am looking at my own journey and how content and happy I am right now and I would like to add a perspective to the blog (or whatever) from my family. Could you write a paragraph or two about the DAD (& husband) before the 100 day sober challenge, and the DAD after taking the challenge? Thanks and I love you. DAD (and your Mom’s hubby).”

1. Response From My Wife

I really think you were on a course of self-destruction that was going to end tragically … There were a couple of times that I was probably more frightened, and mad, than I’d ever been in my life. There was one night that I was so concerned about you that I left work in the middle of the night to come home and check on you. I had talked with you on the phone and you weren’t making much sense. By the time I got home you were in bed asleep.

There was also an instance with a patient in the ER one night that I thought to myself, “this could be Jeff.” He had a seizure related to alcohol withdrawal. He was right around the same age as you and a daily drinker. Not a homeless alcoholic guy off the streets, just your average every-day worker, wife at bedside. He was obviously altered, couldn’t talk or make any sense, going to be admitted to ICU (withdrawal can kill), didn’t know if he was going to make it and if he did, what would his quality of life be like. That really frightened me. I remember talking to you about it and you blew it off. At least that was my perception.

Then Julie-Joy came along with an initial 30 day sober challenge, I thought to myself “he’ll do it for Julie, she always had a way with her dad.”

Let me back up a bit and give you my example of “frightening moments”: broken mirror (floor length), bent golf club, and also two bullet holes in our house and you not remembering what happened! My heart is racing right now just recounting this…

There was also the way you tried to hide how much you were drinking. I felt God was whispering in my ear: “look here, look there,” and sure enough there’d be a bottle. … Belle entered our lives through Julie. I cannot begin to thank you enough for your gift of reaching people, Belle. It was the absolute perfect time. Jeff took on the challenge in the typical fashion “all-in”! He did 30 days, and then 60 days, and then 100 days. He is now at 822 days and counting. He is amazing and a joy to be around. He’s “fired-up” on a daily basis, and is hard to keep up with. Oh yeah, did I mention I’m much younger than him, six years? A bit of a private joke 🙂 I’m so thankful he’s alive (I don’t think he would’ve at the rate he was going). I get to enjoy his company for the rest of our years together (38 years and counting).

I love you Jeff and I love that you took on this challenge with gust! You have been a huge inspiration not only to me, but your daughters and those around you, and those you don’t even know you. I’ve shared with friends, patients and acquaintances about the change in you, the website, and the person that Belle is and has been to our family. Thank you Belle for bringing this inspiration to us. Thank you for your own 30, 60, 100+ day challenge and inspiring others to “stop thinking about drinking.” You have a gift, thanks for sharing with others and this family in particular. You’re a life saver.

[end part 1]

never mind. look away. eyes on your own paper.

from me:

this sober girl got up at 6:15 and wrote some on the new sober fiction writing project. it’s day 6 of 100 days in a row. remember when i said it was 100 days until christmas? yeah, that.

there are so many ways that writing is like being sober.

you show up and you don’t know what to expect. you’ve heard other people’s stories but you don’t know if they will apply to you. you are sure you’re a special snowflake and that “what works for others won’t work for you.” You get advice from people who don’t get it. You get cheerleading in unusual places.

In my case, i writing to be so close to early sobriety that some days, it’s all i can do to just keep going. i’m on day 6. don’t want to break the streak. don’t want to have to start over.

if you’re like me, you do better with accountability and support. and when i say “if you’re like me” and you think you aren’t, you probably are. You do better with support. You do better when someone you respect, who loves you, who has your best interests at heart says something encouraging. Imagine the storybook version of a grandmother. that kind of support. (if you have a grandmother like mine, whenever i’d complain about a perceived slight or a sister squabble, she’d say “Never Mind,” as if to say: look away. eyes on your own paper. keep your eyes on the road. don’t let your sober car run out of gas.)

and like writing, it’s not enough to feel like you have the ABILITY to do it, you also need the right combination of motivation and spark and timing and momentum. And when you get momentum? well i’m not dumb, i know that momentum is hard to get, and even 6 days is hard to get, so i’m keeping going.

i also set up some external accountability by posting the book, in order, a bit at a time, as it’s written. It’s officially called ‘serializing’ your book, when you print it bit by bit. And if the experiment of posting day by day continues to work well, i’ll share it here too. for now i’m being a bit careful of who/how i share (sounds like sobriety?).

mood-wise i’m doing ok this week. I mean, i’m as sloth-y as ever. I’d LIKE to: clean the house, run a 10K, get my eyebrows done, empty the freezer, read a book about Hope, make 4 new recipes, and go to IKEA.

instead of that list of things i’d LIKE to do, instead i’m doing this: emailing sober penpals, hosting a class about worth (which is turning out to be super fascinating, as we discuss in more depth how the “THING is not in the THING”), writing every day, and going to physio twice a week for a sore shoulder (just tendonitis, nothing exciting). that’s it. i’m not cooking meals, i’m not running much (more walking), i’m not making new recipes. in fact, if you must know, i had canned beans for lunch today (3:02 pm) for the first time in 8 years and they were delish. that’s it.

and like when we make any large changes (writing fiction – which really is just like being sober – it’s creating a new something where there was nothing before), i’m being kind to myself to remember that 6 days is a big deal. that writing daily and doing the rest of my life is enough for now. and any ideas of nice eyebrows will have to wait. the freezer will wait. the new recipes can wait. IKEA will still be there on the weekend.

striving for underwhelm so that the magnitude of what i’m doing doesn’t make my head fly off.