[Audio] Interview with Kristi Coulter 2018

It's been 2 years since I spoke with sober penpal #128, Kristi Coulter. She has a new book coming out on Tuesday, August 7th called Nothing Good Can Come From This. 

But the story of how she got here has a lot to teach us sober folks.

Like, how do you deal with people telling you that you just don't get it, or that you're shit?

I sent out this audio today (episode SP260) to podcast subscribers ... 

BUT I am going to make this full podcast available for 48 hours, even if you are not a podcast subscriber.

You'll want to hear this. Start now, just for a few minutes. 

Sober Podcast 260. Kristi Coulter (2018)

If you could leave a comment after you listen, that'd be great. Anonymous is fine. To download the entire audio, you can use the link below.

Download SP260. Kristi Coulter (2018)

Sign up for the ​podcast membership
(1-2 new full-length audios each ​week, you can cancel whenever you like ... but you won't. more sober tools = good)

Feedback from listeners:

Lena: Love that part about it not being about willpower. Because I guess, that’s what works ... slowly getting to know a perspective of things to be great and even greater! And particularly inspiring awesome to getting to know real people who are showing up, and what is possible if you just go through that tough stuff. 'cause grass IS greener on the other (sober) side! Love for that <3"

Emsyface: "I found this a really useful and there were some parts that stuck out:

Before she quit she felt like she was just fulfilling everyone else’s needs and that her writing/pure creativity was “not essential”. This I think is important because it shows how alcohol makes us just focus on getting through and we deny ourselves any sense of pleasure or frivolity.

The part when she got negative feedback for expressing anger and that meant she was a “dry drunk” and would relapse...

The part where she talks about reading your blog and you “liking” being sober. Catherine Gray in her book talks about sobriety having such a negative image whereas the reality is anything but. That was so worth hearing again.

I found it affirming to hear from someone who didn’t have underlying mental health issues that if one did, one might need more support.

Other little nuggets were “drinking doesn’t change reality” (but changes how you process it); and that feelings don’t kill you. ... Thanks for this- one of the best I’ve heard in a while."


Wednesday Celebration Roundup

If we are sober penpals, then we email all the time and I keep track of your dates. Then i can celebrate you online (here) when you hit the big milestones. like these ones:

Happy Day 50 to Lheras!

Happy Day 50 to Scrappy!

Happy Day 50 to Wave-Spirit!

Happy Day 50 to Jennifer 2.0!

Happy Day 50 to Hat Trick!

Happy Day 50 to Da!

Happy Day 50 to Allison!

Happy Day 100 to Jane Marie!

Happy Day 100 to Reenster!

Happy Day 100 to Carly!

Happy Day 100 to Alligen!

Happy Day 180 to Mary Elizabeth!

Happy Day 200 to SerenityNow!

Happy Day 200 to Ana Maria!

Happy Day 200 to Prissy!

Happy Day 200 to Lhaschnoodle!

Happy Day 200 to Happy Day 200 to unpuzzlingpatti!

Happy Day 200 to wildflower!

Happy Day 200 to emsyface!

Happy Day 200 to jenwithoutwine!

Happy Day 400 to Dry Ace!

Happy Day 400 to Leila!

Happy Day 500 to Karebear!

Happy Day 500 to RRH!

Happy Day 500 to Goldie!

Happy Day 600 to Lime Tree!

Happy Day 600 to Sophiestar!

Happy Day 600 to Jazzie!

Happy Day 700 to Gene!

Happy Day 700 to Lola4126!

Happy Day 700 to TJS!

Happy Day 700 to RubyHarper!

Happy Day 700 to Poppy!

Happy Day 900 to Auds!

Happy Day 900 to Kaffy B!

Happy Day 900 to Debbie!

Happy Day 900 to KLC!

Happy Day 900 to Country Pat!

Happy Day 1000 to Hughie!

Happy Day 1200 to Grateful Girl!

Happy Day 1200 to Jenuful!

Happy Day 1300 to Sean!

Happy Day 1300 to Indian Lake!

Happy Day 1300 to Mel P!

Happy Day 1400 to Canadian Girl!

Happy Day 1400 to Festie!

Happy Day 1400 to Graceb!

Happy Day 1500 to Sanfransober!

Happy Day 1500 to Lara!

Happy Day 1600 to RunnerMom!

Happy Day 1700 to Janet!

Happy Day 1700 to Denise!

wolfie is a cockroach

From my inbox, this message from L:

“I woke up feeling MUCH better after emailing you. is there a connection? probably so. and also i had a bit of a revelation.

remember my email where i talked about feeling like wolfie was behind me, and i was scared to turn around to check to see if he was getting smaller, blah blah blah? …

i realized something. i didn’t feel like i was doing the sober thing properly, not because i was stuffing my mouth with cake, but because i wasn’t getting “better.” i wasn’t being cured of my wino-ism. at the end of the 100 day challenge i wanted to keep going because i still didn’t know what i thought about it all. but that was probably code for, “i’m not cured yet, so i need to keep going.”

THERE’S NO FUCKING CURE!!

and its taken me this long to accept that. wolfie wasn’t going away because he’s a fucking cockroach, and those motherfuckers do not die. they would survive a nuclear war, and so would wolfie. fuuuuuuuuck wolfie.

cockroaches are fucking disgusting creatures and i fucking hate them (can you tell)? but i’ve also over time accepted that they are here to stay. and so what do i do? i make sure that an exterminator comes regularly to spray. and as soon as i see one around, if maybe i’ve forgotten to call the bug man, i sure as hell call the bug man then. i don’t let them infiltrate and set up shop. first sign of them and i take action. because i fucking hate cockroaches.

and i hate wolfie too.

now my next bit of work is to really truly accept that wolfie is here to stay. and get to work on keeping him away.”

Summer Rescue Audios

One new audio each day for 5 days in a row.

Each audio will be 3-5 minutes long. Perfect for a reset, when your brain is running all over the place.

Topics: alternative drinks, how to deal with a fuck-it moment, ‘my sober summer is awesome because …’, dealing with cravings that come out of nowhere triggered by a song/situation/memory, and dealing with triggers books and TV where people are drinking a lot…

Hugs, Belle xo

P.S. If you’re a monthly podcast subscriber,you’ll get a copy of these audios automatically. Not a podcast subscriber? You can do that here if you like. Or just take this one week of audios as a stand-alone thingy.

Sober Summer Rescue Audios … go here 🙂
https://gum.co/SP-Summer-1

024. Worth It

Sometimes, when you’re trying to quit drinking, the voice in your head can get really loud. So I send out free one minute audio messages of encouragement (and ass-kicking) to anyone who wants them. This is a transcript of One Minute Message #024.


OMM024. Worth It

I’d like to go into your head for just a minute
and re-program something, if you don’t mind.
I’ll just slip in one ear and come back out the other.
And while I’m inside, I want to change one thing.

This is worth doing
because you are worth it.
Being sober is worth doing
because you are worth it.

Any shitty sober day
is better than a new Day 1.
And any improvement that you can make
to the quality of your life
is worth it for you.

You don’t have to do it for your family
you don’t have to do it for your kids
you don’t have to do it for anybody

you doing it for you is enough.

I go in one ear and I say:
This is worth doing
because you are worth it —
and then I come out the other ear
and I leave you.



*listen to the free one minute messages (there are 300+), by logging into your gumroad library here. if you haven’t signed up for the free one minute messages before, you can do that here (you only need to sign up once and then you get access to all of the OMMs).


Senior Sober Workshop: Worth

(and senior just means you’re 200+ days sober)
class begins Tuesday, July 24th
registration has just begun
small group, live calls, homework, treat box in the mail
www.soberlinks.me/worth

protect that shit

from AnnaD (day 86):

“Heavy drinking is like time travel. Each year of drinking is five years of actual life. It’s why relapses are time-sucking vortices, into which whole decades can be devoured like so many Cool Ranch Doritos. This makes falling off the wagon a much longer trip than the cute aphorism suggests. The wagon is much higher up off the ground than you’d think — if you dismount, you will fall a long, long time before you hit even a high bottom. Claw your way back on. It’s worth it. Because, like quitting smoking, almost everything is easier than the first part of quitting. Once you’ve done it, protect that shit like it’s sacred, because it fucking is.”

 

Senior Sober Workshop: Worth
(and senior just means you’re 200+ days sober)
registration begins Tuesday, July 17th
small group, live calls, homework, treat box in the mail
www.soberlinks.me/worth

Friday Celebration Roundup

If we are sober penpals, then we email all the time and I keep track of your dates. Then i can celebrate you online (here) when you hit the big milestones. like these ones:

Happy Day 50 to Lageeg!

Happy Day 50 to Janey!

Happy Day 50 to Hugh!

Happy Day 50 to Cardinal!

Happy Day 50 to Mary Louise!

Happy Day 50 to KeysKathy!

Happy Day 50 to SDBKatz!

Happy Day 50 to Weezie!

Happy Day 50 to flyfishingdude!

Happy Day 50 to timely!

Happy Day 50 to goofie roofie!

Happy Day 100 to A Free Willow!

Happy Day 100 to Coffeegirl!

Happy Day 100 to AMA!

Happy Day 100 to Lotus!

Happy Day 100 to SoberSeasideSally!

Happy Day 180 to lovinrunning!

Happy Day 180 to Dani!

Happy Day 180 to Serenity Now!

Happy Day 180 to Ana Maria!

Happy Day 180 to Unpuzzlingpatti!

Happy Day 180 to Wildflower!

Happy Day 180 to Emsyfae!

Happy Day 180 to Jenwithoutwine!

Happy Day 200 to hernoodlyness!

Happy Day 200 to Freedom!

Happy Day 365 to LD4ME!

Happy Day 365 to mlodius!

Happy Day 365 to Frog!

Happy Day 365 to Bug June!

Happy Day 365 to MiMoMa!

Happy Day 365 to Lars!

Happy Day 365 to Nan!

Happy Day 365 to Flyaway!

Happy Day 400 to Leila!

Happy Day 400 to Maggie Mo!

Happy Day 400 to lmichel!

Happy Day 500 to Newg!

Happy Day 500 to Leigh Ann!

Happy Day 500 to RossFSU!

Happy Day 600 to Gem64!

Happy Day 600 to Bruna!

Happy Day 600 to Princess Buttercup!

Happy Day 600 to SueW!

Happy Day 600 to Roadtosoberville!

Happy Day 600 to Lacie!

Happy Day 600 to KiKi71!

Happy Day 600 to Honey Bear!

Happy Day 600 to Resiliensea!

Happy Day 700 to Ruby!

Happy Day 700 to Holly!

Happy Day 700 to Reg!

Happy Day 700 to Bemmy Girl!

Happy Day 700 to BattleMatt!

Happy Day 700 to *Maverick!

Happy Day 700 to April!

Happy Day 800 to Miss Kell!

Happy Day 800 to Reenie!

Happy Day 800 to Imara!

Happy Day 800 to Conn!

Happy Day 1000 to JP!

Happy Day 1000 to Thirsty Iris!

Happy Day 1000 to Gypsygirl!

Happy Day 1100 to Cal!

Happy Day 1100 to Gordon!

Happy Day 1100 to Unwinedgal!

Happy Day 1200 to cheaton!

Happy Day 1200 to TK!

Happy Day 1300 to Solstice Guy!

Happy Day 1300 to Summer Walking!

Happy Day 1300 to Turcotte!

Happy Day 1300 to Southern Magnolia!

Happy Day 1400 to Paris!

Happy Day 1400 to Shout444!

Happy Day 1400 to Midwestveggie!

Happy Day 1400 to Rah!

Happy Day 1400 to MoseMarie!

Happy Day 1400 to Janna Rich!

Happy Day 1400 to Jacqui!

Happy Day 1400 to Kelz!

Happy Day 1500 to Sarah72!

Happy Day 1500 to CassieB!

Happy Day 1500 to Roisin!

Happy Day 1500 to Shelby!

Happy Day 1600 to Julie Joy’s Dad!

Happy Day 1600 to Jessie!

Happy Day 1600 to Heike!

Happy Day 1600 to Isabel!

Happy Day 1600 to Daybird!

Happy Day 1600 to Connie!

Happy Day 1600 to Hank!

Happy Day 1700 to TheFun4!

Happy Day 1700 to Terence!

Happy Day 1700 to Clear Eyed Girl!

Happy Day 1700 to Hazeleyes!

Happy Day 1700 to Case Study Tim!

Happy Day 1700 to Sadie!

Happy Day 1700 to SignGurl!

Happy Day 1800 to Sharon!

Happy Day 1800 to LD!

Happy Day 1800 to Laurie!

Happy Day 2200 to me!

Resentment

from my inbox

P:  “I’ve had some moments the past couple days but I’m determined to make it through … I’m still angry at my friends [about my birthday] and the world. I’m still hurt about their thoughtlessness. Oh and another thing that’s bugging me – I sent out like 50+ Xmas cards in the mail. I love getting some back in the mail and guess how many I got in return? Like 8. People just don’t care. Not like I care it seems. Makes me want to hate everyone right now. That’s how I feel.”

me: the thing about holding resentments (birthday/ Christmas cards) is that it’s wolfie winding you up so that drinking will seem like a good idea. as if hoiday cards mean anything. they don’t. you send them because you like sending them. you don’t send them so that you’ll get some in return. if you want a lovely birthday, you do it for yourself. that’s why being sober is about learning self-care.
when you outsource your self-care and count on other people to make things good for you, you will always be ‘disappointed’ and that’s wolfie territory right there. you’re learning now how to do this for yourself. that’s what being sober IS. it’s self-care. and it’s new. and it’s hard. and if you don’t like sending out cards, then don’t send them. but to drink because people like me get cards but don’t send them, is outsourcing your well-being to people like me who just don’t’ think about cards. 🙂 and don’t let wolfie tell you otherwise.

P:  “Omg, I never thought of it that way?! Like ever! Holy shit, this reasoning could change my whole perspective on things! YES! Now I feel sheepishly stupid about how I felt about my birthday and Christmas cards. Cause yes, I DO send them out expecting them in return (which never happens and then I feel shitty) and I DO expect others to make my birthday memorable (which is illogical thinking cause they have their own life and problems, they needn’t be responsible for my happiness). My husband has truthfully told me before (in exasperation I’m sure) that it’s so hard to make me happy, that I’m usually never happy, or that nothing anyone does ever lives up to my expectations. WOW truth!!!! OK, my mind is blown here. Thank you Belle for your honesty 🙂 I needed to hear that.”

this is controversial (self-sabotage) [AUDIO]

​I’m going to come right out and say this: I don't believe in self-sabotageThere I said it. Yikes.

YOU don’t do these shitty things ‘to yourself’. You have a brain that is misfiring.

YOU don’t drink and drive, Wolfie does. Alcohol does that.

And you know what? You being here, listening to this, reading the emails, it means something. It means you are worth it. And you know it.

This is the subject of a brand new podcast (episode 255) that I will be sending out ​today ​podcast subscribers.

​I am going to make this full audio available for 24 hours​ even if you are not a podcast subscriber. You'll want to hear this. Start now, just for a few minutes. ​​​

[ link removed ]

​Sober Podcast 255. ​Self-Sabotage

You can ​leave a comment below, anonymous is fine. Once you listen to the audio, ​you can tell me if you heard anything new ​... To download this ​audio, you can use the link below.

​Download ​SP255. ​Self-Sabotage

Sign up for the ​podcast membership
(1-2 new full-length audios each ​week, you can cancel whenever you like ... but you won't. more sober tools = good)