this is controversial (self-sabotage) [AUDIO]

​I’m going to come right out and say this: I don't believe in self-sabotageThere I said it. Yikes.

YOU don’t do these shitty things ‘to yourself’. You have a brain that is misfiring.

YOU don’t drink and drive, Wolfie does. Alcohol does that.

And you know what? You being here, listening to this, reading the emails, it means something. It means you are worth it. And you know it.

​I am going to make this full audio available for 24 hours​ even if you are not a podcast subscriber. You'll want to hear this. Start now, just for a few minutes. ​​​

[ link removed ]

​Sober Podcast 255. ​Self-Sabotage

You can ​leave a comment below, anonymous is fine. Once you listen to the audio, ​you can tell me if you heard anything new. ​

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Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • Love this podcast, it shuts the door on self blame and shame, and has me thinking about the fact that if I am not sabotaging my chances of being sober and it’s something other than “me”, then it is going to take something other than “me” to change – and you are spot on that “alone in my head” isn’t enough, whether it be sober blogs, emails, podcasts, books, or my HP. My brain is misfiring and needs to be rewired, and I can’t do that alone, or I would have long ago. Thank you Belle.

  • I listened to your self sabotage audio Belle in the car, on my own. It was important to me that I listened on my own. I cried Belle. I cried because finally I’ve found someone that’s gets it. I cried with relief to hear your voice confirming what I knew deep down and making sense of it all. I am surrounded by well meaning family who proclaim that I don’t have a problem because I don’t drink at breakfast. A family that tells me that one drink won’t hurt. And wolfie hears it and grows stronger listening to them. But now I know you are there I have the belief and the tools to shut down wolfie and in the most polite (or rude if necessary) way shut down those people around me who just don’t get it. I’m on day 6. For the billionth time and I’m not quite ready to share wolfie with them but in time and with more strength I believe I will be able to explain and that they will understand.
    I’m not broken, I don’t need fixing. But I do need to show wolfie whose boss once and for all. I LOVE ME!!!
    Thank you, thank you, thank you. 💓💋xxx

  • Yes!! Wolfie is the one responsible for those kinds of thoughts. I don’t believe in self-sabotage, I don’t think one drinks like crazy just so one can have an accident – or lose the job or the house, or… We have a brain that asks for alcohol, no matter what. I don’t suck. I’m not broken. I’ve gotten rid of the booze and my head has become much lighter. Thank you for the podcast, it was a very lucid one.

  • I listened last night and today & the voice I hear today is you and I could laugh at moments in the audio and relax and accept the message it felt good & inspired me thank you

  • I was in the car with some extra time before preschool pick up today and I listened to the whole audio, which is a luxury for me time-wise! 😉 But I’m so glad I did. I’m on your penpal list but have lately been drifting and circling around starting a new Day 1. What caught my ear today was looking for a tool that will “keep the door open long enough for the sunshine to pour in.” I love that. That feels exactly like where I am right now, in that stupid phase where I am still drinking but not really enjoying it, just doing it because it’s what I do. All the other things that I have been adding in ALMOST get me past the point of wanting to have that drink, but then I still do it anyway. I feel like it is *just* beyond my grasp that some evening I will just say “Huh , I actually feel pretty relaxed/balanced/steady already from doing XYZ today, I’m good without it.” (Because of course it is a combination of things, not just one tool) and from adding in MORE things and MORE tools that crack that door and keep it open. I feel like I’m so close to that; in a good way though, I guess. I’m close. I’m going to keep adding. I want that door to get propped open, even a little bit, so that sunshine can pour in. The every-day alcohol is losing its allure slowly as I add more and do more to stay engaged with your amazing words, every single day, even as I’m keeping a new Day 1 at arm’s length. I know it’s out there for me. Thank you.

    • I could have written that myself! I am circling around another day 1, and welcome anything that will hold the door open – I try to keep the door propped open with my toe, but it slams shut every time. Think I need another tool besides one that’s attached to me!

  • This means something different to me today than it did several months ago. Then it meant stay the course. Belle says it will get better. Today it means belle was right, it is much better, but proceed with caution. The voice is very powerful. Wolfie is patient and lies in wait. He lets you get stronger and quiets down, but in reality, he’s waiting for the moment to strike. He knows the self sabotage excuse is in his pocket and he can play that card repeatedly. Waiting-conniving. Be vigilant. That’s what it means to me today , because I know the enemy is laying there, watching and waiting. He’s pretending, but fully intends to re-emerge when I least expect it. Knowing he’s there is half the battle. What I do with that information is up to me. Thanks Belle!

  • I have listened to this before but it’s always good to relisten. Parts that resonated today , I am a lovely human ( yes I am thankyou for noticing!) reminding me which voice is me and what’s Wolfie, and putting a seed in my mind of past situations in life, what have I made about me that isn’t about me, no answers on that one but the seed is sown and I will let my brain ponder on that on its own.

  • Doriomom: Hi Belle. All I can say is WOW. And thank you. I’ve been really beating myself up lately for “ not trying hard enough” or “ not wanting it badly enough” or for being just plain fucked up. I needed this reminder today that it’s all wolfie. It makes such sense when you say it. And honestly, it makes me feel almost human. Thanks for being you and for sharing your wisdom.
    Hugs to you.

  • from BJ: Loved it, loved it, loved it!! I’ve been at a pretty low ebb and this podcast really made me feel empowered to carry on not drinking!! ‘Bring on the battle wolfie!! .. I’m going to work on rewiring this brain of mine and eliminate you forever!!

  • What a relief! and hey – you know what else I’ve found? It’s okay to love myself and buy myself treats – and every time I cut myself some slack… and take care of myself – it comes back to me from the *universe* and things work out.. thanks for the perspective. It’s changing my life, how I look at myself and my world.

  • Thank you for your sharing this wisdom. Wolfie needs to be gone and the only way is not to give it what it wants, alcohol.

  • That was a really comforting podcast. Alcohol is much trickier than most people realize and it snuck up on me. It seems elegant and harmless but it’s mundane and debilitating. I fell for it not because I wanted to hurt myself.

  • I really like this message and yes I don’t think it’s self sabotage. That just adds more blame to the already heavy soul.
    So good to hear; thank you

  • It feels like a movement that there are so many of us On the same page! I love it. You are right this is a neat group. Thank you?

  • Hearing you talk about 2800 people that write you over and over allowed me to listen to this. I was just talking with my therapist tonight about self-sabotage. Maybe my best self was before alcohol… I have used alcohol to medicate some painful moments and it has taken on a life of it’s own. It’s scary how many of your sentences make sense here.

    • i do have this weird vantage point that lots of people don’t have… and so when i see the striking similarities, and the actual WORDS repeating, you gotta know that’s not the real you … And yes, booze has a life of its own. when it’s removed, things change.

  • Hi Belle – writing this from my hangover. I got drunk again last night. Today is my fourth day one this week and my eighth since may 28. What did I hear that helped?
    – that other people ‘re-set’
    – that I am not self sabotaging
    – that other people hate themselves like I do right now and think they are a fuck up like I do right now and that that’s not true it is the Wolfie voice
    – that just the fact I was listening to your podcast was progress

    I had planned to stay in bed all day to put 24 hours between me and drinking. A suggestion from your podcast was to do something I’d already decided wouldn’t work…

    I could get up and go walk for 20 mins.
    Love love
    Ruth

    • i hear you. and i know that feeling of multiple day 1s. we quit drinking in the morning and buy booze by 6 pm. you might find too that if you add in some accountability, things change. then it’s not just you alone in your head with wolfie. hugs xo

    • Don’t ever give up Ruth: took me years to get past lots and lots of day 1s. You can do this but with the support that’s right for you.
      Don’t ever give up giving up. Xx

  • Belle, just wanted to say THANK YOU. Thank you so much for that podcast and for giving it out for free – it’s so important! Funnily (or sadly) enough, that self sabotage thing is what I told myself for decades; and what even my therapist forces me to believe … now I can see it as a wolfie kind of thing & that makes so much more sense!
    So I just have to kill that voice … in my head that’s telling me I should not even think about allowing me to be happy *rolleyes*. But your stuff is really helping me working on it these days … So again: THANK YOU.
    And I wanted to tell you, I made a three litre pot of your fuck Wolfie lemonade concentrate for the (alcohol free) 40th birthday party I am arranging for my best friend this weekend! Sooooooooo yummieh!!!

  • This gave me an entirely new perspective. Not only for me but it helped me understand why my dad had such a hard time being real with me. It was easier to secumb to that voice than deal with his guilt. Maybe I can learn that I don’t need to constantly feel bad about myself. Maybe I can view this a a wicked awesome self reflection and learning opportunity. A chance to get to know the real me. A person that has a voice that thinks booze is so fun, stress reliever, social ice breaker etc to a person who can actually tell Wolfie to go fuck himself. In fact I’m kinda done feeling bad about me and I’m going to practice what you said. To celebrate I’m going to make shortbread cookies in July. A treat cause why the hell not! Great great words from a wise lady. That’s you Belle:) Hugs.

  • Wow. This is (to me) one of your most amazing and relatable podcasts. If this is controversy, give me more. Thanks for sharing this.

  • I am so happy you did this podcast … This is the state I am in. Constantly depressed and having sooo much trouble quitting. I felt comforted hearing you tell me it’s not my fault because I do feel I am weak and maybe I don’t want it enough. But the reality is I do … I want a total transformation in my life, and for my 3 wonderful children. Thanks Belle. You’re amazing.

  • This really hit home for me. It was like you were talking directly to me! It gave me a different perspective, and to cut myself some slack. I’ve been feeling like I’ve been resetting a lot because I just didn’t want sobriety bad enough. But you’re right, that’s bullshit. I have a brain that asks for it, the further I get from day one, the quieter that voice will get. I’m really excited for that quiet, Belle.