resistance. wolfie voice. ‘don’t want to, can’t make me’.
i feel this way all the time, especially when starting something new. you’ll be able to relate. it’s exactly like the period of time before (and just after) day 1.
i don’t want to do this, i don’t care if it’ll change me, i don’t care if i’ll ‘evolve’, i just want to sit here and do this, no movement, no growth. fuck that growth thing, who needs to evolve? lots of people are happy with nothing, doing nothing, i can be one of those people.
oh i can be one of those people. i can aspire to a night of reruns and bottles. i can roll out of bed to begin drinking again. who wants to go move into something new – no matter what it is.
i can pour alcohol on my head so that i don’t aspire to be anything more than someone who sits in front of the computer, with just one glass, with just one bottle, ok open the second one but don’t let me have more than a glass. or two. i can pour alcohol on my head SO THAT i don’t remember that i wanted to evolve, to grow, to do new things.
you know this feeling:
sunday morning, day off, leisure time, free from concern. and then you remember that you have something planned at 2 pm. argh, right in the middle of the day. can you cancel? well it’s a think you’ve really wanted to do for a long time, and you know once you get there you’ll be totally excited. what you can’t tell from home, still in your sock feet, is that at that 2 pm thing, there’s a door that opens into something else new, that you can’t even foresee. what you CAN see is your feet and your socks and your living room. but there’s a big world OUT there. and it takes a bit of a push to get to the 2 pm thing.
now you’re going to argue (wolfie) that maybe the 2 pm thing is dumb and who cares, and you’ll just do it next weekend.
and i say: you know that you want this because you’ve been online reading about it. you’ve been listening to audios. you know that this is the thing. you know it. you’ve tried other things. you’re afraid of something new AND you’re in a place of inertia AND you think that staring at your socked feet is an activity.
evolving into a better version of you?
um, yeah. that trumps reruns and bottles. it does.
and you know it.
or you wouldn’t be here 🙂
from me: I'm working on writing a sober fiction book, and i think i'm going to work this INTO the novel...