omm268.wrong.place

In this audio, I call bullshit on a bunch of excuses. I can’t be sober in this way, my support must look like ‘this’, I can’t practise my skating routine on the path at the park. All not true.

[be sure to scroll down for photos]

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Transcript.

OK, I get this kind of thing in my Inbox all the time. This will sound familiar to you:

“Dear Belle, I wish there was an AA meeting close to me that had people that were my age. I wish I could go to an AA meeting where there were hot men. I wish there was an AA meeting where they were 35-41 years old. I wish I could find a place to practice my skating routine, but I can only do it at the rink.”

What do you hear there when I say that? You hear wolfie, right?

“I can’t get it that way. Those people can’t help me. This is the wrong place. This is the wrong time. I can’t start until everything lines up. I can’t do it this way.”

You have a voice in your head that wants you to keep drinking, so it will manufacture reasons why the support is wrong for you. “I can’t have a phone call with a sober coach because of 1300 imaginary reasons. I can’t practice my skating routine unless I’m at the rink.”

You’ve thought that. Perfectionism.

“If I can’t get it to all line up then I don’t want to do it.”

And I want you to know that today when I was at the duck pond, when I was doing my run, I saw a woman practicing her skating routine on the pathway. She wasn’t in the water, she was on the track where I was running around the pond, she was off to one side doing her skating routine.

And I looked at her and I thought: Fuck, that’s genius. You don’t wait for winter. You don’t wait for ice. You can practise it right here. Of course you can. Stop with all of this, ‘It’s not lined up properly’. Stop with all of this, “I need the right room at the right time with the right person’. It’s all bullshit.

Your brain is manufacturing reasons why this won’t work for you.

It’s all not true.

I took a picture of the woman with the skating thing [below] …

And I thought, if that’s not a sober metaphor I don’t know what is. And then this morning, I get an email that says: “I really wish I could find an AA meeting where people were 26-31 or 35-42.”

No.

I call bullshit.

I call bullshit.

And you can stop that shit right now.

 

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I’m tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

8 thoughts to “omm268.wrong.place”

  1. I absolutely love this on so many levels! There is no “right time” for anything. All we have is right now anyways. Brilliant Belle (as usual!).

  2. That is genius! The lady obviously knows how to get started AND she has been able to find the path( ref your hope sudio)

  3. Abso-f**king-lutely. For me it was always, ‘I have that drinks thing coming up at my sisters’, ‘oh no, it’s too close to my auntie’s dog’s playmate’s kid’s birthday’, ‘but what about that big thing happening at work?’ Blah blah blah. Always excuses. I tell you what feels better than drinking at all of those bullshit ‘reason’ events? Not drinking.

  4. It’s amazing how much increased mental clarity there is the further I get away from day 1. How much clarity there is about how hard my brain was working to manufacture false reasoning as to why today was not the right day to start. Maybe tomorrow, but not today because…(1001 different ways to fill in the blank.) Distance away from day 1 and brain clarity are wonderful gifts!

  5. Wolfie always likes to look for the ‘perfect time’ to stop, when I’m less busy, not going on holiday, not my birthday, that wedding, that party, not stressed, etc etc. But there is no perfection, there is only here and taking that pledge, to stop, for 100 days……. I ‘knew’ it wouldn’t work for ages, and that led to years more of over drinking, then I just got up one morning and started the 100 days…and guess what, it worked x

  6. My piano teacher recommends ‘air piano’ when I’m travelling and I say no, I can’t do that. It won’t work. I’ll look silly. Darn. I tried it and it works. Maybe even better than more real practice because it’s different. Sound familiar? But then I wouldn’t be learning piano if I hadn’t gotten sober because there wasn’t time for evening practice when i was drinking (real or air piano). Dancing rabbit

  7. Spot on! When I was on day 1, a colleague asked me incredulously why I started on a Thursday. WTAF?! It’s not just drinkers who think like this, I think it’s the Social Global Wolfie who gets into everyone’s heads and makes us think that it needs to be perfect. It’s not true. And the sooner you see through his lies, the closer you are to being free! Day 70, right here x

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