“you can be kind of a pest”

from my inbox:

Tina Jeanne (Day 1): “Hi Belle, I decided this morning when I was writing in my journal that I would do this. There was some kind of shift that took place as I was writing. Maybe I could already feel the universe behind me. I just love this concept. I also keep getting these pokes and nudges from you. Your daily emails are relentless. And you sent this one about the solstice twice! I think another sober blogger mentioned this about you too recently. You can be kind of a pest, you know …

me: I can be kind of a pest. a sober pest. the kind that if you didn’t want to be sober, you’d unsubscribe. and if you do want to be sober, you know that I’m here whenever you’re ready to feel better. I’m a consistent pest. a lighthouse. I just stand here. I do the same thing all the time. how I’m interpreted has probably more to do with how much wolfie is speaking. Wolfie says “why doesn’t she shut up” and the sober voice says “thank god she’s there saying that same thing over and over.”

I can reset you. day 2 today. Welcome back to your sober suite. it’s #1553. this spot is just for you.

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

6 thoughts to ““you can be kind of a pest””

  1. I really like this post. One of the things that keeps me from going back to drinking is remembering how I felt when I was drinking and lurking on sober blogs. I didn’t really belong. Now, being sober (Day 145), I do. I relate to everything being written out there because these are all shared struggles.
    Belle CAN be a pest–of the loveliest kind! When she wrote above about people who unsubscribe to her blog because they are drinking, that hit me. I would do the same thing if I began drinking again; the initial hurt and disappointment in myself would be too great even to lurk. And I would miss so much Belle and everyone else whose blogs I follow.
    So, I will stay where I am for now….sober and “part of the gang.”

    (I loved how Belle wrote at the end of the posting, above, “welcome back to your suite.” When I have written to her that I am going out for the evening to an event where I am a bit anxious ahout not drinking, she always reminds me to have a nice treat waiting when I get home and to drop her a line that all went well. She ends by saying she will “keep a light on for me.” Hell, I’m 62 years od, but how sweet and caring is that sentiment?! It almost gets me choked up….)

  2. I love this. Right on target with how loud wolfie is at the time – with how you perceive Belles lovely peskiness. I’m happy every time I see one of her emails has come in. If I was drinking there’s a good chance I might be annoyed since it would be a reminder that I’m not where I want to be. But I really love the idea of having my own personal suite here. It symbolizes safety, and a special spot with a group of people who get it and are here to support each other. That’s an especially nice thought when so much of the world glamorizes and romanticizes drinking. I like my suite and I’m staying off that elevator.
    New Chris

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