waiting for magic

You’re still trying to find that magic that some find to stay stopped. Is that you? I’ve news for you from this side of stopped: I’m not sure that that magic exists. Not like you think it does.

You can decide to be sober. And you know you’re on an elevator that’s going down. Where’s the magic that other people find? It’s in seeing the elevator door open.

That’s it. That’s the magic. Because the door doesn’t open very often. People get stuck in these booze elevators all the time thinking that the timing will always be there. That they can get off later. That the door opens all the time.

The magic is in recognizing an open door for what it is: an opportunity to leave the booze behind and get the fuck out of there.

The magic is knowing that when you see a crack, a break in the clouds, a bit of motivation, a glimmer of hope, someone offering support – that that’s the time to act.

Don’t get stuck here: waiting until the elevator goes down further, hoping the door will open again. Certain the door will open again. And then years go by.

That’s not you, right? You don’t wait for the planets to align, you don’t wait for the elevator to go down further, you don’t even wait to feel like it. You’ll feel like it once you get going. No magic except action. When you see a chance, take it. There’s a 1970s song in there somewhere.

 

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

7 thoughts to “waiting for magic”

  1. There’s a whole lot more than a 70’s song here – though I do know the tune! As so may of your commenters say, “you must have written this just for me”! This is my Day one, back from another slip backwards. In fact, I signed up for Sober Jump Start and PenPal today and when I first saw this, I thought it was your PenPal reply! And, oh my yes – you nailed it on my expectation that the magic, which has so far eluded me, will be there “someday”. But, today the door opened. Boom. Magic!

  2. Thanks for the earworm!

    What a fabulous way to look at it – and another thing is that we weren’t alone in the elevator, it was crowded in there and to get off we have to push past many others.

    Sometimes someone else will scramble to get out the open door with us, other times we internally scream at others not to get back in, they are smiling as they are welcomed back by all the people on the elevator – as the door closes behind them you worry about them, you see them later on a few floors down, they are disheveled, they are desperately trying to prise the elevator door open, to no avail and off they go again. Sometimes one gets off and looks up and us and smiles, the others turn back into the elevator for another “ride”. And too often that was me. I won’t be taken for another “ride”.

    Thanks for the analogies Belle. Yes, I stepped out from my final elevator ride 66 days ago – never go back…..

  3. So here’s the thing – I did the 100 day challenge. When I hit 105 days in early April I thought I’d see how moderation worked. I’ve never had more than 2 drinks in one evening since then, but I realize that I do prefer the freedom of being a non-drinker. The 100 day challenge proved that to me. But the magic I’m waiting for is a special date: June 1. I want that to be my final day one. That date has special meaning to me and I want it to be linked to my decision to be alcohol free forever. In the mean time, I’m not really drinking but I’m waiting to make it official on June 1. Thankfully the 100 day challenge was not hard for me, which is why I’m willing to take the risk of waiting for this magic date. I’d welcome anyone’s comments about this. I certainly AGREE 100% with today’s blog about NOT waiting for the magic even though I’m doing exactly that.

    1. i think if we have a brain waiting for a special date to begin to FEEL BETTER then that’s already a worry. you want to wait to feel better? that’s wolfie. that you had an easy time before means you got in at a time when motivation was high and you had the right tools and supports and momentum. beginning again isn’t always quite as sparkly. we all feel like it should be easy to step on and step off. if it was easy, you’d step on today. if you have a brain insisting that you wait, then that’s not you – that’s wolfie. and you can remind him who’s boss and quit today. hugs.

  4. Remember that famous line from a movie- “I’ll have what she’s having”? Yes m’am, and right here, right now,

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