Audio: Ranty Belle (Part 1)

This is audio #118 which the monthly sober podcast subscribers received earlier this week.

I started off sweetly enough. Talking about why we need to have a new ‘off’ button once booze is removed.

Then the sweetness turned into ranting. I say things “I Call Bullshit” and “Not Possible.” This is the first time this has happened (ranting on a podcast, I mean). It’s either motivating or scary. Not sure.

Again, this audio was recorded in front of a live audience. So it’s longer than usual. Since it was running over half an hour, I’ve split it into two parts.

Comments from the chat:


Taylor: “Love the ranting, it helps me remember to stay passionate about getting sober and not get complacent. Keep it up.”

GloMix: “We all rant in our heads about booze, so it’s great to hear it coming from you. It’s positive to get it out there.”

redhookgal: “The ranting puts my shit in perspective. thanks!”


Here’s an extract from part 1. It’s about 3 minutes long. I am ranting. I don’t normally do this. But from time to time, it might help.

 

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

7 thoughts on “Audio: Ranty Belle (Part 1)

  1. Halloween = Start of Holiday Depression.
    I finished Belle’s 100-day challenge a couple weeks ago, finally after two years of trying. Today I recall last Halloween: a dark and lonely night, me drinking two bottles of red wine while giving out candy. I could tell that some of the parents knew I was drunk.
    Alone and drunk on Halloween giving out candy to other people’s kids.

    Tonight will be sort of the same because it will be dark and I will be alone giving out candy to other people’s kids, but I won’t be drunk. Instead, I will be depressed. In fact, I am already depressed. Maybe it’s post-100 day challenge let down.

    I’m glad I am over the 100-day hurdle. What Belle says about getting this far is true: the cravings are gone and the physical withdrawals are all over which is great. Reality undiluted by alcohol can be a challenge however.

    I never had kids, probably because of the drinking. Many bad relationships, also because of the drinking. Not where I wish I were career-wise, definitely because of the drinking. But there is no way I will go back; I really do not see it happening. Now I understand what people are talking about when they refer to “Hard Won Sobriety” – it was hard, it took me two years to get here. But Belle is telling the truth when she talks about sober-momentum. It’s easier to stay sober now. I will get through the holidays this way – I really feel that I will. I still have my sober podcast subscription and all the audios I have bought during the last two years.

    Anyway… I really just stopped by to say Happy Sober Halloween and if you are not one of those people doing backflips while on the 100-day challenge, keep going. You may never feel euphoric, rapturous, and jubilant about not drinking but that is not necessarily a bad thing. You will feel better and your life will stop getting worse if you stay sober for the 100 days.

    1. You are awesome in your honesty. I am not there, but I respect you and thank you for reaching out even though it’s not a rapturous place. Because I did the challenge and didn’t keep going. I am sad, wondering where to go from here. Belle’s rant was nothing compared to me when drinking. Anyway, again, thanks for reaching out, it means a lot.

  2. Dear Wanda T,
    I also applaud your honesty and authenticity. I have wondered so often about that, those realities — which I could have “had” by now…had I not allowed booze to take over my life during a decade where most people I know were getting married, having kids, soaring in their careers. I find that I berate myself for so many regrets … most specifically in the career department. It was important for me to read what you shared because it is yes, an authentic reminder of how bad realities were for me. Even if we do not have those ” things ” or people in our lives which society identifies as ” success ” … we can acknowledge how far we have come in this battle, of sorts. I wish you well as we move into the holidays. December 26th was the day I screwed up last year after several months of working the Challenge ( the second time around ). Shortly thereafter, I e-mailed Belle and let her know that I wanted to sign up for the 100 days, a third time around. So far, in 2015 – I have not had a drop to drink. So. I guess I am on Day ? … somewhere around the 300 mark?
    Anyway. My point being. Sometimes, it takes a couple of tries. And, right-sobriety does not equal “joy” often times while I so do not want to go back to drinking and ruining my life. Thank you once again for reminding me, Wanda T.

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