anonymous forgiveness

ok. the last time we did this together, it worked really well. so for one day only, i’m creating an Anonymous Forgiveness Space. why today? because i want to let myself off the hook for something, and i know that depending on how i phrase it, it’ll reach someone else too.

So here’s the deal.

  1. Post a comment below.

  2. For this to work you MUST leave your name and your email and your website address BLANK in the comments form (if you forget, i’ll go in and delete that info manually). all comments are to be anonymous.  one of the comments will be from me, you just won’t know which one.

  3. I have no way of personally knowing who posts what. Promise.

  4. In your comment, write two or three sentences (max.) about something that you would like to forgive yourself for, for something you did, or said, or thought, because of alcohol. When you write the comment, phrase it like this: “I forgive you for …” Then later, you can read it again and drink in the goodness, AND someone ELSE can read it and get the goodness too.

For example, i’ll make one up. Let’s say you waited to long to go the doctor because you were afraid to admit how much you  drank.

So then as your comment, you’d write: “I forgive you for waiting too long to go to the doctor. Drinking made you scared.” OR “I know you didn’t mean to … and I forgive you for …”

  1. Then take a second and post an anonymous ‘reply’ to one of the other comments already posted, and say something lovely and kind.

PS. if your name/email automatically shows up when you start to enter a comment, you can manually delete them OR you can ‘log out’ of your blogging profile. i will also remove anything that inadvertently shows up before posting.

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

44 thoughts to “anonymous forgiveness”

  1. I forgive you for procrastinating alot when you were drinking. You let your professional licence expire. You let a lot of things slide. Drinking made you hide.

  2. I forgive you for hiding. Not being straight makes you cranky. Hiding to you, means you can go back to drinking because you think no one knows who you really are. Time to own you

    1. I know how it feels to hide when you’ve been drinking. And I 100% know the feeling of thinking no one knows who are you really are.It’s very lonely and I’m sorry you feel that way. The positive aspect it we have the power to change it. Hugs to you.

    2. It seems so easy to hide in the fogginess of alcohol. But what a wonderful adventure it is in finding and owning yourself.

    3. Yes, well said because owning yourself is the only way you can give your gifts to the world. There is only one you and no one else can fill your shoes. I have done the same and it’s a hard thing to own up to it, get it out in the open, so there’s no retreat. Healing takes place in the light and it sounds like your are on the path. Well done & hugs. 🙂

  3. I forgive you for drinking too much and driving. I know you were grieving and hurting. I’m grateful you didn’t hurt anyone including yourself. I’m glad you don’t drink and drive anymore.

    1. Drinking and driving went hand in hand when I was trying very, very hard to be a functional, drunk wife and mother. It never, never ever went well in the least bit. We’re human. We’re surviving together. We’ve found each other. We will never let go of this, of us.

    2. I am happy that you are sober. It’s great to be able to reflect on the past and move forward, being grateful for where we are now. Hugs to you!

  4. I forgive you for EVERYTHING. Because, if it wasn’t for all the fucked up stuff you did, you wouldn’t have one day WOKEN UP and realised you had to stop. You wouldn’t have come out the other side, as the person you now are, who is pretty fucking wonderful. I forgive you for it all.

  5. I forgive you for drinking on a 6+ hour drive to see your parents. Not only was it completely dangerous, you showed up after not seeing them for 5 months tipsy. I forgive you for letting your mom hug you when it was time to say goodbye and and having to look away when she told you how proud she is of you and how she’s glad you turned away from drinking.

  6. I forgive you for continuing to drink red wine even though you knew it was causing you depression, anxiety and creating illness in your body. I forgive you for allowing alcohol to be the most important thing in your life and in this not following your dreams. Time to now follow your dreams and live your life with happiness and peace.

    1. I forgive you for this. The courage you are showing in giving up alcohol, and for recognizing and moving forward is a courage that is inspirational. You are a wonderful person, and you deserve your dreams to come true.

    2. Overcoming you anxiety and depression and claiming your sobriety is a wonderful achievement . You are brave x

  7. I forgive you for the devastation your drinking has brought to your family for so long. You have been an embarrassment and a bad example and a heart-break to them. That is not who you really are and they love and forgive you. You should too.

  8. I forgive you for making other people responsible for situations you created when you were drinking. I forgive you for not being the present, coherent mother your son deserves. You are owning your stuff and being a mother now, and I am proud of you. It’s not easy, but you’re doing it.

  9. I forgive you for blacking out at the end of your wedding night. Too many people and being the spotlight was hard on you, you are an introvert. It wasn’t your plan and its ok. The wedding was the most important part, the reception is just an expensive party.

  10. I forgive you for being late a lot when picking up my kids plus being drunk plus having a friend and the school Principal driver my kids and me home.

    1. I forgive you. I know you want to do better and be courageous again, if not already. a big hug.

  11. I forgive you for playing mean tricks on people you care about. I forgive you for cheating on your husband. You were hurting, confused, and very drunk. You would never do those things sober.

  12. I forgive you for not being emotionally present for your son for the first years of his life. You had PND, no support and were tired, scared and overwhelmed. Your drank as it was the only coping mechanism you had. You have now started meds, are dealing with the drinking and you are a brilliant mother. You are present, loving, and your son loves you.

  13. I forgive myself for getting so drunk that I did so many shameful things like wander down the drive and then sleep in the spider filled basement on the cold floor under the old work bench and wake up hearing the kids going to school with their Dad and saying they didn’t know where I was and making them all sick with worry. YUK

    1. And now you have the clarity to figure out what truly makes you happy and how you want to live the rest of your life. With all you’re learning, it’s going to be really a really interesting and good life, don’t you think?

  14. I forgive myself for hiding and not facing others or myself. For pretending I was all happy, for pretending I knew how to live life.

  15. I forgive you for all the damage you’ve done while drinking. All the slurring, drunk dialing and texting. The affair and worse. You would never do these things sober.

    1. You said it – you wouldn’t do it sober. It’s in the past now and it’s brilliant that you can forgive yourself and move on. Conversely, you wouldn’t have been able to forgive yourself if you were still boozing, so, massive respect to you for doing what you now do. xxx

  16. I forgive you for driving drunk with people in the car. I forgive you for emotionally hurting your children. I forgive you for being a shitty wife. I forgive you for kissing another man. I forgive you for all the inappropriate things you have said. I forgive you for flirting with men and leading them on when it was just a game to you. I forgive you for betraying a friend and then losing that friendship.

    1. I too have this kind of shame, sadness, and regret. I just want to give you a big hug and tell you I’m so sorry for your pain and you are most definitely are not alone. My hope is that having experienced what we have makes us more compassionate and understanding to others, better people. You are all the more courageous for falling, but not staying down. Congratulations on being so brave to face your past and start anew. I wish you happiness and peace.

  17. I forgive you for the countless times you’ve gone back to drinking–hiding it from everyone. The shame and guilt you have carried for so long, let it go. It is over, and you need to keep moving forward.

    1. I don’t think it matters that you have gone back to drinking, so long as you know that it’s over now. It is your life, you don’t have to feel bad about it now. It’s over. It’s done. Sometimes it’s hard to fight that urge but you are stronger now. This time will be ok xxxx

  18. I forgive you for all the hours you wasted thinking about drinking, drinking, feeling sorry about drinking, lying to yourself about your drinking….and for all the people who suffered as a result, and for all the experiences missed or compromised as a result, and for all the friends I didn’t make due to going steady with Wolfie.

  19. I forgive you for trying to make everything ok with a drink. I forgive you for hiding from life’s problems and for spending too much of your precious time, money and energy to make sure you always had wine in the house

  20. I forgive you for not following through with all your great ideas and dreams. I’m sorry you have had to watch others succeed at things you wanted to achieve. The booze kept holding you back.

  21. I forgive you for being mean to the people you loved the most when you were drinking and using. You weren’t a good sister, daughter, or friend. Being sober has made you so much less angry and mean. You are now working toward becoming your best self.

  22. I forgive you for being too damn afraid to quit drinking. It protects you from the pain of loss you don’t want to feel. Please keep trying to believe in yourself and believe you can make this transition from the drunk and lost world to the sober and alive world. ILY!

    1. Sober and alive is the way to be! Life can be so beautiful, if we wake up, sober up and be present. Being afraid can stop us from a lot, but you gotta try and keep trying. If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you!

  23. I forgive you for saying hurtful things that you didn’t mean, like when you told your sister she shouldn’t be pregnant. I forgive you for not being emotionally present, I forgive you for drinking and driving. I forgive you for slugging your fiancé in the face for no apparent reason, I forgive you for breaking mirrors and trashing your apartment. I forgive you for being scared and trying so hard to fit it. I forgive you for not realizing the greatness that lies within you.

  24. I forgive you for doing damage for decades of your life, for making your beautiful self look foolish so many times, for so many wasted days being spent with a bad hangover. I am so proud of you being sober now, even though it can feel a little boring and a little lonely. It feels really great that I have my looks back, am not in debt for the first time, have lots of energy, and am not mired in self-recriminations. Love you. xoxo

  25. I forgive you for all the years of drinking booze to cope with an unhappy life, making it more unhappy. Now is the time to be happy before you get even older ! You only have this life……forgive and make yourself happy…no one can do it for you.

  26. I forgive you for all the terrible things you can remember doing while drunk and all the terrible things people had to tell you you did. I forgive you for trying to destroy yourself and others when you had been blessed with the wonderful opportunity of life. It’s time to start living it and let that true light shine from inside, instead of putting on a fake smile and just trying to get through the day and constantly looking around wondering who knows what. You were quite paranoid back then. Now you can breathe . You never want to feel that ugly way again. Remember that.

  27. I forgive you for thinking about drinking EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Even now so far on when you obsess over it. I forgive you for thinking that one drink won’t hurt when you know it will, that’s not you saying that it’s wolfie.
    I forgive you for being so hungover you couldn’t care for your child even though she was only 1.5, realising you were being a shit mum was what helped you to knock the drink on the head.
    I forgive you for not working to the best of your abilities at work 100% of the time, due to shitty hangovers, lucky you still managed to get the promotions you deserve and now you are respected all of the time and always on the ball and on call.
    I forgive you for saying hurtful things to your friends when you were drunk, they know you didn’t mean it and were a shitty drunk, you have apologised and they have forgiven you, it’s time to forgive yourself.
    I forgive you for drinking when you were pregnant and thought one large wine would hurt, it’s ok, your daughter is ok and you won’t ever do it again.
    I forgive you for all the times you humiliated yourself in public, it’s been along time now and most of the things have probably been forgotten, the people who haven’t don’t know the real you anyway.
    I forgive you for getting drunk every night when your orphaned brother of 14 came to live you, it was the only way you could get through those times, you were hurt you are stronger now, you wouldn’t do that.
    I forgive you for all the times you went home with men and had casual sex. You are not that person. You would not do those things sober.
    I forgive you for how much time you wasted, you still have your whole life ahead of you. X it’s going to be ok. Your a much better person now. X

  28. I forgive you for drinking even though you know it will destroy your brain and make you die of Alzheimer’s disease like your father. I forgive you for wasting so much time. I forgive you for accepting the love of a drug in place of the love of real people, because it seemed safer. You’re here now. Be here, now.

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