i’d like something really powerful

Blondie:

“I relapsed this weekend. everytime I have to admit that to you, I’m afraid this will be the time that Belle says I’m hopeless and to go waste someone else’s time with my half-assed attempts to be sober. despite all evidence to the contrary, i’ve realized that I can’t drink at all …

I want to laminate my 100 day sober pledge on a card. On the other side, i’d like to put something really powerful that would deter me from giving in to Wolfie (a phrase, quote, blogpost, image, whatever). the next time i’m around people and cant go to the sober online community or crawl in bed & hide, I could go hide in the bathroom, pull out my secret weapon (my laminated magic card) and look at it until I feel stronger.

What do you read and/or think about that gives you the most strength or power over Wolfie?”

me:

I’m not going to say hopeless at all. what I might do is ask what you’d like to change this time so that you can have better support to help you so that you can get some sober momentum. you know, the try harder not different thing.

my answer to your laminated card question would be to write: “It’s time for me to take care of me. I didn’t get enough before. I keep waiting for someone else to do it. I’m going to do it for myself. And it’s about time.”

~

and you? what would you put on the back of your card to remind you why you’re sober?

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

35 thoughts to “i’d like something really powerful”

  1. “Not Today”. That helped me. While I was waiting for my bracelet to arrive that says that quote, I would look at my wrist and imagine it; on the back saying “not today”. I’d think to myself, like Belle would (and because I get the idea from her), “I will think about this and decide in a week if I want to drink. But just not today. I’m not saying never; just not today. Maybe next week”. I would go to bed that night and wake up thankful that I didn’t drink and wouldn’t want to drink next week either. I have since lost my bracelet, but not that mentality. I just past my 300th day at the beginning of the week! Thank you Belle. I will not drink. Not today.

  2. one of my very favourite Belle-isms goes something like: “You have tried drinking, and you have tried moderation. But what you haven’t tried is an extended period of sobriety.” because it makes complete logical sense to me – I had never tried this before and the other options weren’t working AT ALL for me, so what do I have to lose by trying something I haven’t tried before?

    so ‘trying something new’ on the back of my card maybe? thank you Belle!

  3. I hear your anguish Blondie, I’m back on Day 5 myself. I like the idea of a thought or idea that is so powerful you could just whip it out of your pocket and shield yourself from wolfie’s advances. He is such a slithery slime ball and his ability to shape shift to match the circumstances, at least for me, make him the most powerful of enemies.

  4. Either this Shakespeare quote from Othello:

    “I would not put a thief in my mouth to steal my brains.”

    or

    “It will never be enough.”

    Every time I have thought about drinking in the past 100+ days, usually when there is alcohol of some type in the apartment and I’m all by my lonesome and only me to see me drink it, I remind myself that it literally will NOT be enough. I will have to go get more, and then more and then more.
    The thought of getting on that hamster wheel again sickens me.

    1. I like that, Trixie, thank you for the inspiration “I would not put a thief in my mouth to steal my brains.” “Word-pictures” always help me best.
      And “Not today” is always good too.

  5. for me, I might put a picture of my two daughters and 4 grandkiddos. they think better of me than i often think of myself. is there someone like that, who believes in you more than you believe in you?

  6. I’m getting close to 700 days and I still remember how awful the first few days were, so for me it would be “I never want to go through another Day 1′, so step back you bastard and get out of my head!”
    Sharon

  7. Wow, I can relate to the “it will literally NOT be enough. After I drank what was in the house I would go get more. I know I would. I never want to be in that place again. Also, I keep all emails from Belle in a folder on my computer, When I want to drink, I open that folder and start reading. Reading about how others have overcame the feeling or drank and regretted it or just a wonderful sober thought from Belle always gets me back on track!

  8. ‘I am so grateful to be alive and experiencing this. I feel pain and beauty because I’m alive in this wonderful world, don’t waste another minute of this life in a deathly drunken stupor!’

  9. I marked the 100th day on my calendar. Memorized the day and date. Every time I was tempted to drink, I would say, “30 March will come and go. I don’t want to wake up that morning and say, ‘This would have been my 100th day.’ ”
    It will arrive. It will. I promise it will.

  10. I have my FUW bracelet but “Drinking is not an option” would be a good one I think. I always remind myself that I never had one drink…never just one…

  11. This’ is just Wolfie, a craving, it will pass”. Then cry in the bathroom if needed, because it does hurt sometimes, to let go, to be courageous. Then do something proactive like ordering or picking up a replacement drink. And drink 50 of those if needed…

    Hang in there. Add something to your tool box …

  12. Cricket that is exactly what I do! Well Done passing 300 days!!!!! That is awesome!!!! I am so proud of you!!!! I also sometimes tell Wolfie to “GO FUCK HIMSELF.” Pardon my French (as my mother would say – ha ha)!

  13. I know this seems over-simplistic most likely, but, the one thing that works for me is an honor thing to myself from childhood, two words:

    “I promised.”

    That means I have to live with MYSELF if I don’t keep my promise – and this time it really meant something to me, I really promised from my heart to make it through 100 days no matter what. If I were not to keep my promise, it would be like me facing me…ravaged, sobbing, and heart-broken as a child crying out to the adult-me…”BUT, YOU PROMISED…!!!”

    I am now in tears, I guess writing out the visualization of the meaning of those two words to me, well, I hadn’t really played it out. So, now I see more for myself why two words have that power this time around…like everyone else, I’ve tried to quit a gazillion times and this is the first time I have been able to. I think it’s day 86 for me. I hope this helps someone else.

  14. I DESERVE TO BE HAPPY!

    If you are struggling with the idea of drinking, remember this simple equation:

    Sobriety=Happiness. Drinking=Depression.

    It’s not complicated. Special rules do not apply to special circumstances. It could be a joyful celebration, a stressful day or sad news, but drinking always has the same end result. It’s just never worth the pain and guilt that follow.

    Would you waste your time, money or emotionally stability on anything else that is sure to leave you miserable? Alcohol is no exception.

    It comes down to self-love and self-acceptance.

  15. “Not today” is a favourite of mine. I’ve got it on my phone screen saver and the braclet too 🙂 I find those 2 words very powerful and give me strength x

  16. I am thinking of buying a Big Red Stop Sign to hold in front of my face when I think of drinking…I could paste the pledge on the back of it.

  17. Not now. Not today. I am going to be kind to myself today.
    Blondie, I was you so many weekends. I tried so many times. But I am keep on trying. I am not giving up. You shouldn’t give up too. What matters the most is that we still keep trying.

  18. “No More Shame”

    My last drinking involved some very embarrassing public moments, that I can still feel deeply. So I keep it there, not to feel bad, but to remember I never want to go back!
    xo

  19. I’m not sure if it’s already been said as I didn’t read through all the comments but something I really like is:

    “If you always do what you’ve always done, you will always get what you’ve always got.”

    I know it’s a fairly well known quote but I find it really helpful when things get tough! x

  20. I would reread my pledge…

    I, SouthernMagnolia1013, pledge to continue on this amazing path of sobriety and promise to sustain from drinking any alcohol for the next 80 days. I will continue to eat healthy, stay active, get enough sleep, read my sober blogs and newsletters, and pay it forward. I will reward myself when needed with little treats to remind my brain that there is no room for empty space. I will remind myself that it is impossible for me to enjoy drinking the way others do. It is what it is and there is nothing I can do about it. My season of drinking has ended and the season of sobriety has arrived and it is here to stay. I pledge to be THANKFUL for each day that passes that I am (finally) living the life I love and deserve.

    I’m on day 166 today 🙂

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