“stay in this moment”

from my inbox:

L (day 86): “Sober. Today I went to visit a friend, a girl with two small boys, she’s 33 years old. She was diagnosed with cancer a few years ago, went through surgery and seemed to be fine.. Two days ago she had a severe headache and went to the ER, and they discovered a new, big tumour. No ability to operate. Aggressively growing. Everything back to square one, only worse. Maybe not too much time left.

It kind of puts things into perspective. She, fighting for her life, for her boys to keep their mom for a little while longer. A lot while longer. Me, up until 85 days ago. Deliberately killing myself bit by bit. Me, having the choice. I am grateful, in tears, that I have some time as a sober, mindful person today. One that can stand by her side and hold her when her world is falling apart. I’m going to gather all my love, all my strength, all the light I can and pray. I tell her to stay here. Stay in this moment. Your words. In another perspective. Thank you for that. And thank you for supporting me to stay. Here.”

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

6 thoughts on ““stay in this moment”

  1. That is as pure as it gets.. “stay here”. I am always looking for a simple mantra and that is a powerful one. You are present for your children, your friend and you…a gift for all. We all know that is not the case when Wolfie is in charge. Thanks for your story.
    LD

  2. We come to sobriety like puppies …. and IF we are lucky to get the grace to, we learn to SIT AND STAY. Welcome, we are glad you are here. What a gift of sobriety to sit with your friend through her deepest pain. It is a privilege for her … and for you. Check out the blog of Kara Tippetts… the Hardest Peace ….

  3. Thank you! It’s almost unreal that I am the one to be counted on. I mean, like at ALL times! No more disappearing for a few days, no more hiding after five o’clock, that had to stop. And it did. I’m loving the person I am today, and I know that as long as I stay sober, right here, right now, I will always be the one to turn to. For my children, for my loved ones and for me. Stay here. <3

  4. Beautiful post. so hard for your friend. I am sure your presence comforts her and hopefully helps with some of the fear and sadness she could be feeling.

    A mentor of mine told me this
    “Don’t just do something, stand there”

    And I took that to heart. Often the hardest stuff we do involves just standing near for people. No fixes or solutions just presence.

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