from my inbox:
L (day 86): “Sober. Today I went to visit a friend, a girl with two small boys, she’s 33 years old. She was diagnosed with cancer a few years ago, went through surgery and seemed to be fine.. Two days ago she had a severe headache and went to the ER, and they discovered a new, big tumour. No ability to operate. Aggressively growing. Everything back to square one, only worse. Maybe not too much time left.
It kind of puts things into perspective. She, fighting for her life, for her boys to keep their mom for a little while longer. A lot while longer. Me, up until 85 days ago. Deliberately killing myself bit by bit. Me, having the choice. I am grateful, in tears, that I have some time as a sober, mindful person today. One that can stand by her side and hold her when her world is falling apart. I’m going to gather all my love, all my strength, all the light I can and pray. I tell her to stay here. Stay in this moment. Your words. In another perspective. Thank you for that. And thank you for supporting me to stay. Here.”