“care enough about myself”

from my inbox:

Durfee (1 year sober):

“Of all the tremendously difficult, sometimes heartbreaking yet mostly wonderful things I have discovered during this YEAR I became sober, one stands out amongst the rest.

It seems so simple, yet it was so difficult to accept, to say, to admit, even to myself.  My relationship with alcohol was two sided – there was either NEVER ENOUGH or TOO MUCH.

There was no in between, no ability to moderate, have just one (why bother?) two (why stop now?) three (just getting going) four (now we’re having fun).

Then the next day there was the TOO MUCH – too much to drive, too much to remember what happened, too much to be ashamed of, too much to feel guilty about.

What a horrible repetitive cycle. I lived there for years, 25+, more…

You know how it goes, as you have so eloquently said so many times – our drunkenness is not “special” or “unique”  we lack the off switch, which enables “normies” to stop when we are all just not able too!

This has been a tremendous year of self-discovery, and I have truly realized that I LIKE myself a little more when I am sober, I am present in the moment rather than trying to numb the hell out of everything I feel……

It’s not always pleasant or happy or a “parade” but it’s ALWAYS better than the alternative, which is just TOO MUCH to go through again.

THANK YOU for all you have done for me, all you continue to do for others, and for making it OK to care enough about myself to do what is right for me, even though it is sometimes very hard.  God Bless, Durfee”

~

Happy Day 50 to Crystal!

Happy Day 50 to Libbysnax!

Happy Day 50 to GabeNYC!

Happy Day 50 to Naughty!

Happy Day 100 to Heidistar!

Happy Day 100 to New Me!

Happy Day 100 to KMT!

Happy Day 100 to Scheherazade!

Happy Day 180 to ChrisAlys!

Happy Day 180 to Mister Ainsley!

Happy Day 300 to Carolyne!

Happy Day 300 to Martha C.!

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

6 thoughts to ““care enough about myself””

  1. Congratulations on your first year…STAY! The Big Book says “one’s not enough and a thousand is too many” … great to hear your personal experience.

  2. Thanks to all of you for taking the time to comment. It is great that we can support each other and let each other know they are not alone in the way they feel.

  3. Well said! I hope more and more people can learn about these sober blogs. They are amazing. We have so many thoughts in common. I don’t think we need to dig around in the past wondering what went wrong, we just need to move in the right direction. Maybe old hurts will be forgiven and maybe they won’t. It is hard to forgive oneself for all the problems caused but we have to try.

    1. I’m afraid I have to agree with this! we do sometimes have past stuff that haunts us, but my approach has been to put it down rather than reexamine it repeatedly. i know (obviously) it depends on the past events. for me, crappy stuff back there, new future up here. facing forward 🙂

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