I’m no longer doing it alone
Things are changing with me, for the better. Some big changes with my husband’s career after nearly 3 years of us being a single-income family. It was an experiment in Mr. B being self-employed that has (FINALLY holy good god) started to move in the right direction.
Since we got the news on wednesday, i’ve been super relieved. That big weight of me being 100% responsible for our finances is now gone. what’s hilarious is that it’s not HOW MUCH money Mr. B will be earning that’s important. What matters is that i’m no longer doing it alone. The responsibility isn’t all mine.
This same thing happened to me when i was doing wedding catering last fall, and had a very overwhelming day. I had someone come in for a few hours to help me, and suddenly everything seemed possible. Not easy, not necessarily quick, but possible.
Me alone doing it all by myself (catering, finances, sobriety) is just too hard. It’s some kind of punishment. Add just one other person? Now it’s an event, it’s a project.
Cuz you know what it’s like in our heads, right? Me, alone in my head, it sounds like this: “this is too hard, this is too long, you suck at this, you’re never going to figure this out” … all those thoughts stop once someone else can share the work.
Your thoughts might be like this: “I don’t deserve help, I’m a burden to others, I can’t stay sober for more than 2 days, why do I keep doing this to myself.” And then once you reach out and begin to do some honest check-ins, and you get a bit of sober traction, shit changes!
And even a small amount of support means that we don’t have to do it alone. (You read sober blogs and realize you’re not alone. My husband begins finally to contribute in a meaningful way to our monthly income, i’m no longer alone pushing our financial truck uphill.)
So since we got this news on Wednesday, something has happened to me. And yesterday, over breakfast, I tried to explain to Mr. B why i (suddenly) felt more optimistic.
“I feel like a weight has been lifted. I’m not doing this alone any more. I feel like I can have the brain space to cook for fun again.”
and you, get some sober momentum, get some support (more if you need it, as much as you need), get your sober car rolling downhill, make sure you don’t feel alone, and then have some sober passions flow back into your life in the space created.
shit-ola. this seems huge 🙂
And yes, I get it, it’s not super simple to be sober. I know. I know. But doing it alone? not necessary. slogging along pushing the truck uphill? hard to stay motivated. there is support out here. check the list of blogs linked on the right-hand side in my blogroll. There are lots of people doing what you’re doing. We are not alone at all.