… not even if I’m invited to dinner by George Clooney

From me:

As I come up to my 2 year sober-versary, I can’t quite process the number of days. 700+ days? Who does that? Surely not me.

And yet, here I am. I did not intend to be here. I thought I’d “try” to quit for 30 days for Dry July and then it turned out to be harder than I thought it would be (warning). Then as I neared the end of my 30 days, I was having swirling thoughts of how I might moderate afterwards (warning). I decided to extend my sobriety just a little bit to see if the good parts kept getting better. And then here we are. That’s really it. Right around month 8.5 I thought the entire universe sucked ass, then i suddenly could see one year coming up and then I was fine.

Since my one year soberversary, I don’t think I’ve had to explain “why” I’m not drinking to anyone. Mostly everyone knows. Or to new people I meet, I just say “I don’t drink anymore” and no one asks why. I continue to minimize my contact with people who make me feel crazy, although that too has changed – my tolerance for crazy is much better. I can see the irritating client as lonely. I can see my husband’s unexpected anger as disappointment. I can read on FB about some silly boozy friends and now I can see their wolfie very clearly even if they can’t (or won’t, or don’t want to). some people i just unfriend. Others, I’m sort of watching for them to be like Tim Ferriss, and say “I did a 30 day alcohol fast, and now i’ve decided to give it up entirely, my life is just not improved by booze.” (you know tim, the 4-hour work week guy, he used to record a lot of his interviews with a glass of wine in hand … you could see his wolfie a mile away… and now he’s sober, too. Go, Tim, go. D’ya need a sober penpal?)

I feel like I’m doing a retrospective of my 2 years sober a bit in advance, it’s a holiday long weekend so i’m anticipating some serious slacking off coming up!

Some cool bits in my inbox today:

SCBKN: “The recording from our phone call was helpful. There was something about hearing my voice talk about being sober that was powerful.”

MarEll: “I don’t understand how the thought of drinking just doesn’t cross my mind like it use to.  It’s almost as if I just needed someone else that understood where I was with this. So much of society just seems to want to kick you to the curb if you have an alcohol issue. Like you are some kind of creepy person. I feel really hopeful, something I haven’t felt in a very long time, like 10 years.”

Heike: “I will not drink for 180 days … in particular not when all my friends drink and start laughing and I feel left out and uptight and goody-goody and my former best friend treats me like a religious fundamentalist, not if my mum urges me to just have THAT little glass of wine with my dad because when I drink with him in the kitchen it’s wonderful because it reminds her of her childhood, not if I’ll be made homeless or lose all my money, not if it turns out I have cancer, a brain tumor or only 4 weeks left to live, not if I need surgery, nor if there is a zombie apocalypse, not if I’m invited to dinner by George Clooney and he tells me unequivocally that I’d be perfect for him if only I drank half a glass of wine now and then, and in particular not even when my Christian friends keep mentioning that Jesus was a wine drinker. No matter what, I will not drink. Because I want to see what happens next.”

~

Happy Day 50 to SueW!

Happy Day 50 to Janice!

Happy Day 50 to J13!

Happy Day 50 to KMS!

Happy Day 100 to MommaB!

Happy Day 100 to Travelang!

Happy Day 180 to LG!

Happy Day 180 to Traci!

Happy Day 180 to TS!

Happy Day 180 to Challenges!

Happy Day 200 to Jeannine!

Happy Day 200 to Steph!

Happy Day 200 to Joyce!

Happy Day 200 to Tammie!

Happy Day 400 to KristinRecovering!

 

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I’m tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

12 thoughts to “… not even if I’m invited to dinner by George Clooney”

  1. Hey there Belle, it’s been awhile since I’ve visited but I sure am glad I stopped by today. I am active on a message board that actually promotes moderation, I am the voice of the other choice, there are a couple of people who have reached the 30 day mark of absing and are wondering what to do now, they are afraid to try moderation (good) but for some reason they think they have to. Your blog today is the perfect answer for them. Funny how that happens, huh? You’ve built a beautiful thing here.

  2. Belle – you are my sober goddess hero!!!!! Loved this post, love what you’re doing! You make sobriety sound fun, a little glamorous, and very practical. A perfect trifecta. Because of your support (and my willful determination) I’m now at over 8 months. Thank you and congrats on almost 2 years! Xoxo, Hana

  3. Belle: thank you for sharing your journey with us, and showing it CAN be done. You have helped me get to 56 days today, and its amazing.
    Hugs,
    Lisa

  4. Congrats, Belle, two years is a HUGE Anniversary. So proud of you for all you have accomplished here and in your personal life as well. Isn’t sober super ?~! It just keeps getting better too.

  5. Something tells me Jesus wasn’t wasted… Wolfie strikes again! Good for you for putting together such a robust pledge for the 180. Love it!

  6. Belle, what a great retrospective on your journey thus far. And thank you for so honestly detailing what you were feeling at every step of the way, because it allows me to feel “normal” when I hear that you were going through the same wolfie crap along the way! And isn’t life grand when by some strange providence this happened:

    “And yet, here I am. I did not intend to be here.”

    I for one, could never have foreseen myself “here” and yet here I am, largely because you were here. Simple, but simply magnificent.

    And as karymayhickey so aptly put it, “You’ve built a beautiful thing here.”

    What a great way to spend two years. Congratulations!

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