greetings from the land of sunny, early 6 a.m. mornings, and the first of 4 days of catering. Can you smell the garlic bread? or the strawberry cake?
the land of sunny. sunshine. it’s my drug of choice. i believe this to be true. not just vitamin D (though i’m sure that helps) but being outside in warm temperatures seems to recharge me, like i can open the top of my head and let the sunshine fill me up. something about childhood time spent at the beach maybe? at my grandmother’s cottage, reading teen magazines in a hammock (do you think shaun cassidy would love me if he met me in real life?). there, i’ve just dated myself. big tubes of lipsmacker pasty chapstick shit that tasted like root beer. i had a big plastic comb and it was cool for it to be showing from the back pocket of my very dark blue ‘designer’ jeans.
and it’s not like being a teenager was sunshine. in fact, most of it was hideous. i worked as a babysitter (often, always, sometimes daily) to have spending money. if i wanted some “gee your hair smells terrific” shampoo, i had to buy it myself. once, while still in elementary school, i printed up flyers that said “no job too big or small” and was hired to wash baseboards in some granny’s apartment. she served me a bologna sandwich on a tv tray and we watched The Price is Right. i earned $3.
not much has changed. i work to earn my spending money (!) but i have the pleasure of being self-employed. my work life is as exciting as i want to make it. more clients? up to me. create a new class or go back to bed? up to me. have regular catering clients (this week) + 2 days of private meal catering all back to back starting today? up to me.
have a sober life so that i can see what happens next? up to me. have a higher possibility of reaching my ‘potential’ whatever in the fuck that is if i stay sober. up to me. delete emails that complain about my swearing? up to me (ha). delete emails that say in month 8 you seemed really weak, you need to grow a set of balls and toughen up… can i delete that message? yup. up to me. funny cuz i’m still sober now, nearly at 2 years. so i figure in month 8, whatever i was going through i obviously learned something, survived, and kept on going 🙂
OK it’s not all unicorns and sunshine. not every single day. but being sober dramatically increases the likelihood of sunshine … in the weather and in my head.