from my inbox, the mother’s day edition

From my inbox:

Hank (day 95): “Great post today. You’re describing me, of course, like it’s all of us. When I start romancing the drink, I have to get it through my thick skull that I tried several times to go a month without drinking and I couldn’t even get past two days! That’s when I started hiding the bottles so my family would think I was doing all right. But I wasn’t all right and I’m all right now. So let’s keep it that way. Thank you SOOOOOOO much, Belle, for all you do for me! I’ll repeat what a lot of folks have said in the comment section of your blog… I can’t believe you’re doing this for a complete stranger!  You’re one in a million (or bazillion?) and amazing in a fantastically super awesome way! 😉 And as Mother’s Day weekend approaches (at least in the U.S.), let me just say thanks for mothering us all.”

Mx (day 0): “Fail on Friday. I will start again from the beginning. I was tired, stressed and at dinner with no apparent non-alcohol option. I am introvert in the extreme and our event involved 3 days of being ‘present’ from about 8am till 11pm, with about 140 people who all want to ask me questions.  I will gather my resources and return for day 1 take 2 … Much love and apologies for the fuck-up – you are the best therapist in the business, and our National Health Service (as well as that in other countries, and various insurance companies) should be forwarding you buckets of cash.”

S: “Hello Belle. I embarked on your 100 day challenge at the end of last year, and successfully made it 100 days completely sober. It was the best thing I ever did for myself, and I had never felt that clear-headed, happy, or at peace in my life. On day 102, I decided I was magically cured and would be fine drinking moderately. I have drank nearly everyday since. And the worst part is, I knew. Deep inside of myself, I knew that one drink was a bad idea. That I hadn’t felt that good in years, that I did not under any circumstances want to have to go through the beginning of the recovery process ever again. I have tried quitting twice since on my own, with no success. I can’t believe how easily, almost naturally, like breathing, and quickly my addiction to wine returned. And I feel worse now than I ever have, because now I know I have to let this go. … Anyway, it’s 1145am and I’m on my second drink of the morning…I hate this, I don’t want it anymore. I know what I have to do, I know it’s right and true and worth it, why is this so hard? I want what you and unpicked and DDG and byebyebeer and all of the other amazing courageous brilliant people have found in a fantastic life sober. I know you all worked (work) so hard to earn it and I want the same. I’m so sorry to bother you, and unload on you but I know you have been here and help so many people. Is it possible for me to start the challenge again? I don’t know if there is any policy on that, or a limit. Thanks for listening.”

Nantucket (day 62): “Happy Sunday! and Mothers Day! I suppose you are a virtual ‘Mother’ to all of us 🙂 Sober.”

~

Happy Day 50 to Helena!

Happy Day 50 to Allyson!

Happy Day 50 to Winifred!

Happy Day 50 to KD!

Happy Day 50 to Rob8576

Happy Day 50 to Hollm!

Happy Day 50 to Misty!

Happy Day 50 to Kyle!

Happy Day 50 to DavidR!

Happy Day 50 to Kevin!

Happy Day 100 to Andrea!

Happy Day 100 to Elise!

Happy Day 100 to Jude!

Happy Day 100 to CH!

Happy Day 100 to Rob!

Happy Day 100 to Colleen!

Happy Day 180 to Hazeleyes!

Happy Day 180 to Tim!

Happy Day 180 to SarahinSurey!

Happy Day 180 to Mack!

Happy Day 200 to Hana!

Happy Day 200 to Jilly Bean!

Happy Day 365 to Elle!

Happy Day 365 to Leah!

Happy Day 400 to Diane!

Happy Day 400 to Sober Journalist!

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

12 thoughts on “from my inbox, the mother’s day edition

  1. I am on day 52 today starting a new job after a year of failure, disappointment, loss of job, poor health, failed attempt after attempt to stop or control. I can’t listen to a song or read a poem without wanting to cry. I feel so good now; scared to lose this over one drink or romanticizing the past. Despite having gained so much in this short period, I mourn what feels like a loss, even though nothing really good came from it. Thank you for your blog and your followers as we go through this.

  2. Dear S – I am on try number 4 and I can tell you that we think we are bothers and for some magical reason Belle (and Rebecca) do not. They encourage us and understand when we crash. They are our salvation!

    1. The rest of us don’t think you are bothers either, we’re rooting for you to get one day, two days, etc. Try until it sticks n then STAY. We also need these shares to remember how we felt n the struggle of new sobriety, them you.

  3. Hello my name is Kerry. I have 12 days of sobriety. I’m waiting to join the 100 day challenge. I have severe trust issues(who doesn’t at this point in sobriety!). I’m glad to be posting and reading with you fine folks.

    1. I am waiting for the 100 day challenge as well. Today, I’m 1 day sober. Some days I have 2 or 3 days of sobriety. The thug of war between Wolfie and the sober woman I want to be is ripping me apart. Wolfie knows exactly what to say: nothing like “just one” or “controlled drinking” (I’ve learned all the ways to convince family, friends, coworkers that I no longer have a drinking problem. I drink alone, which happens often since I live alone). Wolfie tells me “what’s the point in quitting? life will not change and you know it. Those brain cells you fried with decades of drinking are gone and won’t come back. And if your’re going to get liver cancer, the process almost certainly has already started. What’s the point in quitting now? The damage has already happen. It’s going to be you and I until the end baby” WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY TO THAT? What if it’s true and it’s too late for me? For weeks now it has been 2 days for the sober woman I want to be, 1 day for Wolfie. Wolfie gets me in the third day with his “now it’s too late baby” argument.

      But I haven’t lost hope yet. The wisdom I’ve found in Belle’s and her readers’s posts gives me hope that I will be able to stab Wolfie, preferably on the back, just when he’s not expecting it – he knows nothing about 100 day challenge, sober blogs, and the support of people that can’t even see my face, that are soooo generous with sharing their experiences.

  4. I am on day 4 and am waiting for the 100 day challenge. I find it hard to not drink between the hours of 5 p.m. and 8 p.m., after that it gets much easier unless it is a week-end.

  5. Hi Raquel and cj,
    From what I’ve been reading, you need to tell Wolfe to stf up! When I get the urge to drink it stinks and it makes me anxious. But it passes and then I’m so glad I didn’t act on that impulse. It passes!!

    It’s never too late to get sober! I’m 54 and I’m going for it with the best of my ability. I just get thru these early days as best I can. I feel lethargic and just doing what is essential and I read the blogs. The rest can wait. Best to both of you, hang on you can do this.

  6. Raquel,
    If you’re really worried maybe go get blood work done and find out for sure one way or the other. It’s horrible to have that nagging voice always on your back.

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