doing things the hard way
from my inbox:
TinyDancer: “I just listened to audio #1, and I am most struck by the grocery store analogy. I went to a therapist for a period of time to get help stopping and she said to me, ‘this three days sober, and then three days not sober is getting to you. You are doing this the hard way.’
Well, no shit. I knew that. Irks me to pay someone to state the obvious. Can’t remember many times in my life where I didn’t do things the hard way. I’m hard headed. …
I never understood when they talk about alcoholics being in denial. I was never in denial. I knew I had a problem. I’ve had a problem for the past five years. The difficulty lies in the actual not picking up a drink. I have this odd sense of rules surrounding drinking. *No drink before five unless I’m on vacation. Don’t keep the house stocked with wine, just buy a bottle at a time, no driving if I have had more than two glasses, ever. Hide it from my kids so I don’t set a bad example.* EXHAUSTING.
So, I began to look for another way. In the meantime, I read every piece of literature I could get my hands on. I was an expert at alcoholism now. Just not in practice. I’m a classic avoider. But, I don’t want to be scared anymore. I don’t want to wake up wondering what I can’t remember. I want to grade papers with an unfoggy mind and teach my classes without struggling to get through them. I want to like what I see in the mirror again, which is why I am trying yet again.”
MCD: “I loved the sober jumpstart class. I have never tried to be sober for an extended period of time and had no clue where to start. Each lesson gave me a few key things to focus on. These lessons pointed me in the right direction and gave me the support I needed to begin this journey. Before I signed up I tried to talk myself out of it, tried to say I didn’t want to spend the money, didn’t have the time to devote to it, etc. But, had I not signed up, I don’t think I would have gotten past day 7 of my sobriety.” (She’s on day 34 today)