from this side of the screen …

i am writing sort of the same email to several different people today. I receive an email that says “i made it to my goal, i’m going to drink now, but i’ll be fine. and if not, i’ll come back and resume the challenge later.”

me:

“I wish you the very very best. for real. My experience from this side of the screen is that strict rules about how and when to drink are just really frustrating and unfulfilling — and often impossible to maintain for any length of time.

It’s hard to get sober momentum and YOU HAVE THAT ALREADY. Wolfie tries to convince us that moderation is a piece of cake, just like how I can moderate my corn on the cob consumption. Right? This moderation thing. It should be easy. Well, with corn on the cob it is.  But with booze? Well, booze talks to me. And once I have my one allowed glass (or whatever) I’d then get really angry pissed that I couldn’t have more (cuz then wolfie is awake and demanding shit and that noise in your head is alive again, and you worked so hard to get that voice to shut up).

This sobriety is hard to get going and you’ve got SO MUCH achievement already 🙂

Of course, that said, if you decide to attempt moderation, your place in the challenge is here for you should you wish to return. Of course, of course. That doesn’t change. I’ll be here.

hugs”

of course, i don’t know jack about shit. at all. I’m sober but that doesn’t give me super powers. I do, though, have a weird perspective of having talked to to 1019 people who have really tried hard to get a period of sobriety going. I’d can recommended a tiny bit of reading that might be helpful… I can’t learn all of life’s lessons, and some people lose months or years between sober spells.

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I’m tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

18 thoughts to “from this side of the screen …”

  1. Spot on. The cleverness of the dark art that is Wolfieism is that it makes us forget how we felt drinking. We filter out the consequences and remember the sense of relaxation, of being giggly, of it being FUN. We forget the rest.

    I couldn’t do moderating if I tried now, but it took lots of experimenting, falling hard and picking myself up to get to that point.

    Your sober car idea is so true. Now, it’s not a struggle not to drink every day. It’s not a walk in the park, but it’s not hard. I’ve FINALLY got my sober momentum and I want to keep it 🙂

    1. So true– “it makes us forget how we felt drinking. We filter out the consequences and remember the sense of relaxation, of being giggly, of it being FUN. We forget the rest.”

  2. During my 95 days of sobriety, I’ve been repeatedly amazed by the nearly *identical* thoughts we all have. Wolfie’s voice appears to be universal… in the alcohol addiction universe, anyway. Even at this point on my journey, the thought of not having another glass of red wine in my life saddens me, but at the same time, the idea of taking that first sip terrifies me. It’s becoming clearer that my only choice is to abstain.

    1. I still feel exactly the same way. I’d ‘like’ to drink but I don’t want any of the things that come with it. so I continue to abstain. and really, sobriety is easier…

  3. I have celebrated the 6 month mark and I agree now it is no where near the struggle not to drink as in the beginning. Ahh… the momentum. I also notice with milestones that wolfie tries to have a stronger voice saying “Really? You are going to do this
    F O R E V E R? You have been doing so great. You are getting your life going in the right direction. You could handle alcohol now that you are a stronger, happier, less anxious, a more honest and reliable person than before.” Yeah wolfie – before was when I was drinking – so you dispproved yourself big time:).

    1. don’t you love it when you can catch wolfie in a logic flaw? “like before?” yeah, I did before. I didn’t like it much. that’s why I’m trying now 🙂

      1. This is genius! Before it was shitty, now it’s great, the only thing that changed is my drinking. Drinking = before = shitty. Sober = great = now. I will be adding this equation to my sober toolbox and use it when Wolfie tries to convince me elsewise! Xoxo Hana

  4. I am screaming NO, DON’Tt do it~ you already have 100 days. I did the same thing and I regret going back to drinking~ .

    However, I think I needed to go back again one last time to prove to myself, nope not worth it! Soon enough old habits starting to creep a tiny bit and it pissed me off. Then I felt guilt and anger. Its just not worth it to me (drinking) b/c I was feeling so fab~ not fab every day but overall, yes fabulous!

    I am back on the 100 day again & today is Day 24! However, there is no looking back when I get to 100, just keep plugging along for me. I wish your friend good luck and if it doesn’t work out how you like~ come back just like I did!

    Hugs,
    Momma Bee

  5. God Damn…if I got to 100 days and then decided to drink I think I would be suicidal. I have no illusions about an ability to drink in moderation…If I decided to drink again, I know I would be deciding to go on a binge. It makes me cringe to think of these people drinking again, even though I hope for the best for them….maybe they are different than me and just needed a drying out period. It’s not for me, though. I can’t do moderation. I am not a three or four glasses of wine person trying to get a period of sobriety. I am a falling down drunk…a binge drinker….moderation will never work for me.

    1. it’s true, there’s a wide range of people doing the 100 day challenge – and for lots of different reasons. one thing is true, the 100 day vantage point on our lives is pretty amazing.

  6. Yep, the same for me here; can’t moderate to save my life. When I started the challenge I did’nt expect to want to stop drinking forever at all.
    But now, day 130something, I am very fond of my sober life and not willing to give this up ever again. I really hate alcohol now, and what I let it do to me. I love the honesty and the peace & clarity that comes with not drinking. I tried to moderate: it didn’t work. At all. Alcohol is addictive stuff so why I was so surprised to find out I was addicted I don’t know.

    Can’t say for other people of course 😉 But I know it was quite easy for me to abstain for a period of time, and fooled myself because of this: ‘see, am not an alcoholic and can drink again. Now I only have to moderate.’ Fooled myself for the best part of bloody 25 years.. It was a huge relief to finally see and accept that moderation is no option for me. Lovely, really.. I don’t feel I’m missing out on something. And still a bit surprised about that 😉

  7. Great post. I still find myself feeling anxious about the evening as that was wine time. I am not having carvings but it was just a left over from when I was so focused in when I could drink,how much, what to drink, hiding it, etc…. Once I settle myself down, life is easier…
    RunnerMom

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