Well I have this to say:
i used to be really impatient. hated waiting in line, hated traffic. i rushed through a lot of tasks. I still find myself doing it sometimes these days. I was recently working in the kitchen, and realized i was waiting for the mixing to be finished so that i could be ‘done’. “I just want to be finished,” i thought. “i just want to be ‘done with all this’ …”
yeah, because ‘done with all this’ is code for TIME TO DRINK NOW.
I used to be impatient in traffic because i wanted to get home to drink. I used to rush through making dinner, for example, so that it would finally be wine o’clock.
well it’s not all crickets and birds tweeting in my head. It’s more like: “oh this icing cupcake thing will probably take 6 hours – what can i put on the podcasts?” [answer: this american life, fresh air, and Q]
“should i go to the post office now at 6:50 pm? why not, there’ll hardly be anybody there.” [versus: opening the wine at 6 pm and settling in for a night of nothingness. did you know that people DRIVE after dinner? they go for groceries and shit? who knew!]
nowadays, when i find myself mentally rushing through something, getting all impatient and shit, i try to remind myself that it’s a leftover thought process from wolfie-days. And I don’t need it anymore. I’m not holding my breath until wine o’clock. Time can flow more freely now.
I can put on my fuzzy sober socks, and read another in a series of mindless small-town police mysteries.
there’s no hurry. we’re going to be sober for a long time.