we’re going to be sober for a long time

Well I have this to say:

i used to be really impatient. hated waiting in line, hated traffic. i rushed through a lot of tasks. I still find myself doing it sometimes these days. I was recently working in the kitchen, and realized i was waiting for the mixing to be finished so that i could be ‘done’. “I just want to be finished,” i thought. “i just want to be ‘done with all this’ …”

yeah, because ‘done with all this’ is code for TIME TO DRINK NOW.

I used to be impatient in traffic because i wanted to get home to drink. I used to rush through making dinner, for example, so that it would finally be wine o’clock.

now?

well it’s not all crickets and birds tweeting in my head. It’s more like: “oh this icing cupcake thing will probably take 6 hours – what can i put on the podcasts?” [answer: this american life, fresh air, and Q]

or

“should i go to the post office now at 6:50 pm? why not, there’ll hardly be anybody there.” [versus: opening the wine at 6 pm and settling in for a night of nothingness. did you know that people DRIVE after dinner? they go for groceries and shit? who knew!]

nowadays, when i find myself mentally rushing through something, getting all impatient and shit, i try to remind myself that it’s a leftover thought process from wolfie-days.  And I don’t need it anymore. I’m not holding my breath until wine o’clock. Time can flow more freely now.

I can put on my fuzzy sober socks, and read another in a series of mindless small-town police mysteries.

there’s no hurry. we’re going to be sober for a long time.

~

Happy Day 50 to Isabel!

Happy day 100 to TJ!

Happy day 100 to Rae!

Happy day 100 to Pugpink!

Happy day 100 to Nutmeg!

Happy day 100 to Stonewall!

Happy day 100 to carbell!

Happy day 100 to christyrosie!

Happy day 100 to Sherri!

Happy day 100 to SoberGal!

Happy day 100 to Carole!

Happy day 100 to Lurking with Intent!

Happy day 100 to Who?Jill!

Happy day 100 to MDL!

Happy day 100 to Damian!

Happy day 100 to Layla!

Happy day 100 to Libby!

Happy day 100 to KathrynClare!

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I’m tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

13 thoughts to “we’re going to be sober for a long time”

  1. Heavy sigh….. I AM going to be sober a long time. I am day 3 of starting for my 3rd and final time. I think part of my problem has been I did not mourn the lose of my alcohol. As much as I hated what it did to me and how I felt the next day I did have a love affair with it. That first drink felt so good. It lulled me into thinking I could handle it and just stick to one or two…ha…but it is still a lose. Something to admit that I had no control over – if I drank it controlled me – and in my mind I must be stronger than the wine or vodka. Well I’m not and so I need to say goodbye. So I am publicly saying goodbye you evil wolf I don’t need you any more and if I do miss you in my life I’ll remind myself of good I now feel and how shitty I used to feel when you were a part of my life.
    And thank you Belle & Rebecca for being there.

  2. Look at all those 100s. Amazing. And inspirational on a rough day like today has been. I’ll be up there with you too soon 🙂

    I’m still finding the balance hard with not over-doing myself. So there is all this time I seem to suddenly have and I’m still learning how to balance it. Drinking used to make me have to stop, hide away whilst hungover. Not drinking seems to leave me very eager and keen for LOTS of things… So, thank you Belle for warm fuzzy sober socks. I’m putting some on right now and going to bed.

    Tx

    1. managing overwhelm is big for me, too. if we’re going to be sober for a long time, then there’s no hurry. we can get to everything. this isn’t going to end tomorrow.

  3. THIS=yes. I understand the desire to drink in order to “stop” or “rest.” Hmm. Strange, because drinking made me go go go harder, and was anything but restful. Belle, hilarious and awesome Belle! I feel the same way a lot of the time, and find that I am always correcting my thought process to the NEW way, not the old. The new way is: fuzzy socks, happily staring off into space because I can, staying in on a Saturday night to watch ‘Cosmos’ because there is nothing to get fake-pumped up for–even if I do go out, there is no whirlwind of “can’t wait to start pouring the red burning confusion-poison down.” No drama necessary, just OK to chill and be. Wow, what a concept.

  4. Are all those 100’s New Years people? Awesome!!!! 2014 is surely better than 2013. Great work!!! The best news is that it keeps getting better and better. I’m coming up on 6 months in a week + – not drinking is barely ever an issue anymore, and cravings are only there when I’m around people drinking in situations that look fun. But I watch and notice they only have a couple. Since that’s not how I like to drink, I totally accept why it’s the right choice for me to be alcohol free. Simply the path of least resistance. Because when I’m sober I get to wake up feeling good about my life, and all the possibilities and new ways to have fun, destress, relax, and just be. The best thing I’ve done since hitting 100 days is get my diet very clean, and commit to an intense and fun exercise program. These changes tipped the scales for my energy levels, sense of satisfaction, and commitment to a way of life that alcohol would truly hinder.

  5. Congratulations to all those who are getting it right-day after day after day. Steadily stepping into each new day with a clear head and the knowledge that sober is way better and that we can stay the course with help from the Belle-Bunch. Thanks, Belle.

  6. Just getting around to reading this, and YAY! my name in lights!!! 100 days for me (now 107). Thank you Thank you Belle! I am going to be sober for a long long time!

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