in my last podcast (maybe not in the online extract, but definitely in longer version) i mentioned being nervous about booking my summer vacation because of health worries.
yesterday had an appointment with my cardiologist, and he said quite firmly that my current symptoms are ‘normal’ (in the normal range of people with my condition), whereas what happened to me before christmas when i was hospitalized was a very rare event, something he’d see only 2-3 times in his career (he’s 60+). so my symptoms now do not mean that i’m sliding downhill to a bad place.
and it’s not unlike sobriety. because everything is like everything. that something bad happened in the past (heart stuff / drinking) does NOT mean it will happen again in the future. IF i remain aware, IF i take precautions (heart medication, read sober blogs), IF i remember where i was to ensure that i don’t go there again.
But then the goal, apparently, is to turn and face forward and plan my summer (leave your crappy boozy history behind, and make something new). For me, this means i’ll have a summer cross country road trip 🙂 Le phew. and Le hooray.
Today i’m duct taped like an old hockey bag, with a portable EKG machine stuck to my boobs. it’s itchy, hot, did i say itchy? and completely irritating. even more irritating is that i’m hardly having any symptoms today — just when i wanted to prove to le doctor that i’m going downhill fast, just when i wanted justification that my anxiety was real … yeah, body is not cooperating.
or maybe it is.
You’ll be pleased to know that i sold the last treat box so i can stop torturing you. Onwards. Remember the request for a Fuck You Wolfie bracelet that was a tad more polite? May I present the Not Today bracelet. It is sterling silver. And very shiny.
IF YOU’D LIKE TO ORDER A BRACELET, I’VE MOVED IT HERE.