“it’s like playing on the edge of a cliff”

from my inbox:

Tiny Dancer (day 1): “It is so hard for me to trust that if I give it 100 days, i’ll feel mentally better.  Intellectually, I can understand it. Emotionally, it’s hard to process because i haven’t felt mentally ok in a long time.  But I think it is time that I listen to someone else. Because I have done such a good job messing things up by listening to the voices in my own head.  I need to just trust that yes it is possible for me if I just put one foot in front of the other and LISTEN to someone other than myself.  You so describe me – the three days on three days off.  I have no momentum. At all.  In fact, it’s like playing on the edge of a cliff.”

me: you don’t have to believe in the 100 days, you just have to do it. you don’t have to feel it yourself yet, and you can’t — it’s just too soon. I remember exactly where you are now. I guess the only thing you really need right this second is to have some faith that those of us who’ve done this sober thing aren’t lying 🙂 And by reaching out, you sorta ‘borrow’ someone else’s thoughts until the time when your own brain is thinking more clearly. hugs and more hugs, me

~

Happy Day 50 to marge96!

Happy Day 50 to Trinity!

Happy Day 50 to Dana!

Happy Day 50 to Nikki!

Happy Day 50 to Be!

Happy Day 50 to Kevin!

Happy Day 50 to Frances!

Happy Day 50 to Kit-Kathy!

Happy Day 50 to JS!

Happy Day 50 to ZB78!

Happy Day 50 to Sandy!

Happy Day 50 to SereneRunner!

Happy Day 100 to Steph!

Happy Day 100 to Caitlin!

Happy Day 100 to Shell Bell!

Happy Day 100 to Tuomas!

Happy Day 100 to RM!

Happy Day 100 to Cindy Becoming Human!

Happy Day 180 to Carolyn!

Happy Day 180 to Martha C!

Happy Day 200 to Jo!

Happy One Year to Carrie!

Happy Day 600 to Sober Malarky!

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I’m tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

5 thoughts to ““it’s like playing on the edge of a cliff””

  1. Which is what makes these sober bloggers so helpful through the process. We have all been where you are. We are not going to lie to you. We understand where you are and where you will be in a period of days, weeks, months. Just hang on to us! Hugs from me too!

  2. I, too, need someone else to tell me what to do. I need someone like Belle and the sober bloggers to tell me “do not drink alcohol for 100 days.” I am hearing the Wolfe daily now (because the shakes, headaches, and nausea are gone and rapidly becoming a distant memory). The Wolfe has a lot to say about springtime and glorious afternoons on the patio in the garden drinking wine with friends; and relaxing and going to cute cafes and having some wine; and relaxing on the porch in the evening with a glass of wine. All of these things have happened to me in the past – I used to enjoy drinking wine this way. But the ugly fact is that I haven’t enjoyed drinking wine this way for ages and ages because the garden party turns ugly later that night when I am alone and drink myself to sleep and then continue drinking for days and days until I’m sick.
    Thank you.

  3. Amen to this whole post. Tiny Dancer, I grabbed onto Belle and her words and my “Stay Here” bracelet, the Bubble Hour (and some knitting) and white-knuckled my way through my first few months of sobriety until it started to become second nature to me.

    That voice in your head isn’t you, but a prick named Wolfie. You’re in there somewhere. And you’ll find your voice if you give yourself some sober space. And until you find your own voice, listen to Belle’s.

    Belle – love your thought “you sorta ‘borrow’ someone else’s thoughts until the time when your own brain is thinking more clearly”. Getting sober is such of a leap of faith. Cuz I sure as hell didn’t think I could ever live without alcohol (my brain was full of Wolfie). I needed to see that other people had already taken this leap of faith, that they are still sober and are happy/healthy. And that sobriety isn’t a bunch of malarkey.

  4. Day 6 second time resetting Tiny Dancer, it is a good place to feel clear headed gain. Hugs, been there, have faith. RunnerMom

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