“I hope wolfie can read”

from me:

i continue to enjoy my alone time. a lot. i eat less, fuss less, and can find things. i do have to make my own coffee though. and apparently the garbage doesn’t take out itself. who knew.

funny, as soon as Mr. B. is gone, i’m RIGHT back to how i used to be when he went to work every day. I sleep in. I do morning pages at the dining room table. i run. i putter. his office has been occupying our dining room table for 2.5 years. and as SOON as he’s gone, it’s like the old me comes springing back into place. i know, he’s not gone forever. but when he returns, he’ll be working from an office. so i’m really enjoying my alone time. a lot. in maybe a bad way (!). in a “i’d like to be married but live in separate houses” kind of way. but really. he’s only been gone for 2 days so talk to me again when we’re on day 9. no desire to drink though which is a good news. it’s nice to know that i’ve reached a place where i’d no sooner drink alone than i would if he was here. it’s all the same = i don’t drink anymore.

from my inbox (there’s a theme here):

Connie (day 14): “Gave a shout out (a whisper, actually) for you in church this morning. I read in your blog that you don’t believe in God, but that doesn’t seem to stop Him from working through you to reach so many who are lost. Thank you, thank you.”

me: i believe that other people believe in god and so i take all the good wishes and angels and blessings i can get 🙂 i believe in the universe and maybe we’re all talking about the same thing! hugs from me; you’re very sweet

Heike (day 3): “I love your blog. I’m a Christian and absolutely amazed by the idea that somebody with just a computer and the passion for good can help change so many people’s lives. This alone has been such an inspiration. That you are going to look back on your life one day and can picture a long line of people for whom you were the spark that really changed things.”

LolaB (day 9): “I was thinking yesterday, this affliction is so universal – so everywhere but we can’t talk about it easily. Someone like you is a touchstone, as soon as people find you they think, oh thank God. She gets it, I have no one I can say these things to but Belle. Life swirls around me and I have all these thoughts I must keep secret because I am ashamed. I am always so jealous of friends who have never had a drink or can have one — I still wonder why one, isn’t the point to get drunk? Now I can see me joining this exclusive Club, it shows I am living my own life. I understand who Wolfie is. He is still waiting to talk to me but I am ignoring him. Soon I can flash my bracelet at him. I hope he can read! I am doing well, choosing to eat instead of drink. It feels as if I am finished but there are many reasons why I should polish off a bottle left. Lazy summer days, every celebration imaginable, dinner with girlfriends, vacation, bad days, disappointments, death, birth….you get it. Now I am rambling but at least I have you to ramble to!”

 

 

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

7 thoughts to ““I hope wolfie can read””

  1. Ha. I know exactly how you feel. My husband travels a lot with work. He’s been away 3 times already this year. He’s away at the moment. People always ask sympathetically ‘how do you cope?’ and then I feel bad because once I’ve got over the first day I love it. It is so liberating. So much easier.

  2. Noticed a couple of posts tonight about celebrating how good it feels when a partner is away for a bit and we are alone in our own space and how good this feels. I totally understand and share this feeling. Wonder how widespread this is and whether there is a connection here to our addiction. I am not suggesting we don’t love our other half, just wondering out load why this should be..

  3. Theresa, I agree…. I wonder if it talks to the co-dependency of it…… the desire to cater, bend and react to someone else and their moods and whims, rather than just exist…… one to ponder for sure

    1. Yes DeeDee… that is a very interesting point. I haven’t considered that angle before but will be giving that some serious thinking as I have been feeling the same and wasn’t sure what to do with those feelings. This tweaked something for me.

  4. I’m so happy in my sobriety (day 8), and I agree with other people here. Your blog was what made me go for it. I did start my own firs blog, and wow! I don’t think anybody is reading yet, but the relief after writing is massive! Keep on doing what you’re doing, and imagine every human being that is living a fuller, happier life because of you <3

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