you do all the hard work and i throw some glitter

MoMaH (day 1): “Thank you Belle, your last message really struck home for me. I am making myself suffer needlessly by this pattern of on-again off-again sobriety.  The other thing that caught my attention was the comment about it’s not enough to just keep trying harder — I need a real plan to deal with what I know will be the challenges.  So I have made my plan and today is my last day 1. I am excited, apprehensive, optimistic.

Belle, I don’t know who you are or why you have taken on this mission to reach out to people like me but I thank God that you have made yourself so generously available.  You are part of my plan to reach out and accept support where and how it is offered — recognizing that this journey I have committed to cannot be made alone.  So thank you — I will be in touch again at the end of my last Day 1 this evening.”

me:  you’re welcome you’re welcome. i’m not sure why i do this either. it really is a gift to be on the sidelines while people (you!) make big changes in your life. it’s like you do all the hard work and i throw some glitter. I think i do this also because it helps me to be sober. it’s like i’ve trapped myself in a happy sober life and every day i build up the walls ever-so-much-higher so that relapse just can’t be an option for me.  Being your penpal is like sober insurance. And honestly it reminds me that where you are — which is where i was many times — is such a hard place, and i never want to go there again. do you know what i mean? you help me remember day 1. Or even when i was still on day 0, drinking, reading sober blogs, and I was hoping to be able to get my shit together to even have a day 1. So really, you are helping me; by being honest with how crappy day 1 is, you remind me that it really does suck (cuz i sometimes forget or wolfie lies to me and tells me it’ll all be worth it). Then when i have a romantic notion of “just one glass of wine,” I can say to myself that it’s really not worth it. and i can really mean it.

Cuz it’s just not worth it. hugs, me

~

Happy Day 50 to Kris!

Happy Day 50 to Wean!

Happy Day 50 to Joy!

Happy Day 50 to Joanna!

Happy Day 50 to MissMeliss!

Happy Day 50 to Loz!

Happy Day 50 to JackieBee!

Happy Day 100 to Ginger!

Happy Day 180 to Azure Sky!

Happy Day 180 to Christina!

Happy Day 200 to Sharon!

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

9 thoughts on “you do all the hard work and i throw some glitter

  1. Belle does this because she likes glitter! 😉
    Wanting to be sober is the first step, having a plan is absolutely necessary. Reading sober blogs, having a sober penpal/cheerleader – and feeling accountable – are what I rely on. Happy sobriety!

  2. I want to triple-dipple like this post, but there isn’t a button for that! Yes, sober insurance! I totally love that concept. I think that is why I enjoy reading your blog too, it makes me realize that I have crawled out of a dark place and forgiving myself is different than forgetting. I don’t want to forget and get romanticized into a glass of wine either. Why is it when you feel so strong and good, that damn wolfie whispers in your ear that you can totally handle it. Squash!!! Not true! It’s almost mandatory for me to stay blogging and reading about it to keep the strength up, and once the ball got rolling it started it’s own inertia. Belle, you’ve got a good thing going here girl. Thanks for expressing it so well and creating a community where we can all cheer each other on. xxoo OTS

  3. Glitter! I love it! Perhaps there is really a minimum daily requirement for glitter as we wrest ourselves from Wolfie’s embrace! Especially on this Valentine’s day! I am sending everyone a pinch of my special glitter, which is a translucent tangerine and absolutely divine! Contributions of myriad colors gladly accepted!

  4. Maybe we can be “glitter girlfriends” (and guyfriends) for each other. Sending you all glitter from the wintery wonderland I’m in right now.

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