from my inbox:
Hana (day 89): Dear Belle, thinking of you, and how amazingly helpful you were in those early days and months. You offered me the most invaluable things, hope and accountability. Your personal success, thoughtful emails and my pledge to make 100 days somehow broke through Wolfie’s howling and my fear of failure so I could finally begin my journey of being accountable to myself. It’s everything I hoped for when the dream of instant fixes started to fade into the reality of giving up the sauce forever.
Being able to write to you about my triggers, and experiences was just so important, as my drinking had created some very isolating habits. And there you were, talking openly about your life and experience, and success. And inviting me, a complete stranger, into your world and rooting for me. Wow, huge, enormous grateful hugs and kisses for you!
I’m on day 89, and sobriety seems to finally be paying off. It’s just easier, better, and it makes a hell of a lot more sense! For months I was having to push through this low grade but constant discomfort, anxiety, sadness, and depression. Unfortunately getting sober was very emotional, and emotionally uncomfortable for me.
But I persevered knowing from my attempts at moderation that there was no way drinking was going to make me feel comprehensively better. I came to terms with this by understanding that I was having to pay the piper, having created this mess myself. And finally over the last few weeks something major shifted, and I’m feeling great and so grateful. My life is just enormously better, not more exciting, but more full, and so much healthier.
It’s still life, with its normal ups and downs, but I’m not crying while I make eggs, or driving home overwhelmed and stressed from what should have been a normal if not boring evening event. I’m sure getting through the holidays is a big part of it, and exercising frequently certainly doesn’t hurt. But I think it’s also just time; staying sober is not a mind fuck anymore! I plan to join the 180 day challenge, but first things first, 90 days and then 100! So in closing, thank you, thank you, thank you!! You deserve a medal, or at least an amazing treat or three! Xoxo Hana”
And Hana is on day 100 today 🙂