“I persevered…”

from my inbox:

Hana (day 89): Dear Belle, thinking of you, and how amazingly helpful you were in those early days and months. You offered me the most invaluable things, hope and accountability. Your personal success, thoughtful emails and my pledge to make 100 days somehow broke through Wolfie’s howling and my fear of failure so I could finally begin my journey of being accountable to myself. It’s everything I hoped for when the dream of instant fixes started to fade into the reality of giving up the sauce forever.

Being able to write to you about my triggers, and experiences was just so important, as my drinking had created some very isolating habits. And there you were, talking openly about your life and experience, and success. And inviting me, a complete stranger, into your world and rooting for me. Wow, huge, enormous grateful hugs and kisses for you!

I’m on day 89, and sobriety seems to finally be paying off. It’s just easier, better, and it makes a hell of a lot more sense! For months I was having to push through this low grade but constant discomfort, anxiety, sadness, and depression. Unfortunately getting sober was very emotional, and emotionally uncomfortable for me.

But I persevered knowing from my attempts at moderation that there was no way drinking was going to make me feel comprehensively better. I came to terms with this by understanding that I was having to pay the piper, having created this mess myself. And finally over the last few weeks something major shifted, and I’m feeling great and so grateful. My life is just enormously better, not more exciting, but more full, and so much healthier.

It’s still life, with its normal ups and downs, but I’m not crying while I make eggs, or driving home overwhelmed and stressed from what should have been a normal if not boring evening event. I’m sure getting through the holidays is a big part of it, and exercising frequently certainly doesn’t hurt. But I think it’s also just time; staying sober is not a mind fuck anymore! I plan to join the 180 day challenge, but first things first, 90 days and then 100! So in closing, thank you, thank you, thank you!! You deserve a medal, or at least an amazing treat or three! Xoxo Hana”

And Hana is on day 100 today 🙂

~

Happy Happy Day 50 Christie!

Happy Happy Day 50 Jessy!

Happy Happy Day 50 JustHadToHaveIt!

Happy Happy Day 50 Margy!

Happy Happy Day 50 kellyfamilymama!

Happy Happy Day 50 Mindy!

Happy Happy Day 100 Hana!

Happy Happy Day 100 Jilly Bean!

Happy Happy Day 100 Momma B!

Happy Happy Day 100 Nicole!

Happy Happy Day 180 Victoria!

Happy Happy Day 300 Sober journalist!

Happy Happy Day 365 Erika!

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

10 thoughts to ““I persevered…””

  1. Nice Hana! I still feel like I want to have that proverbial glass of wine on day 101 even though my life is better without it. (I am on day 60). The discomfort and anxiety that you write about is there for me but your words about how “something shifted” resonate with me and give me encouragement. I realized last night that my biggest triggers are the actions of my grown children. Wolfie howled last night. I perservered. Thank you!

  2. Congratulations Hana, I am having similar feelings, I am on day 94 an am feeling a sense of calmness that I didn’t have 2’weeks ago. I am getting the hang of social events without drinking and and coming home from work and drinking tea and relaxing for a few minutes after a stressful day.
    And yes Belle is awesome for giving us a place to be accountable and hope and encouragement. Good luck on 180, I am planning on committing to the 180 day challenge.

  3. What a well articulated and quite beautiful email. I’m on day 27 and I feel like im auto piloting through this during some moments. like, my mind is still trying to convince me booze can be controlled — but my heart (by support of reaching out) keeps my feet going forward, and more importantly keeps my hands off the poison. I’m doing the 100 day challenge, and will be so happy to one day get an overall shift in my feeling. because it is all Hana mentioned during these early days, sad, emotional, depressing. But, at the same time, it truly isn’t all thunderstorms. oh wait, could that already be a shift im sensing towards something positive? check back with me in an hour, that seems to be how rapidly my moods are changing nowadays.

    take care Belleiebers

    (a play on words hehehe, justin Biebers fan base are called Beliebers)

    (Martinez)

  4. Congrats to all of you who are doing so well despite the weird feelings, the cravings, the Wolfie-talk that sounds so sweet and yet is so very poisonous. I couldn’t be prouder of you all. You rock the sober world.

  5. On day 32 and Wolfie howls sometimes. Great to read all the posts that say it gets better. Intellectually I know that to be true as I did this once before several years ago but I still need the support of a sober community as I can’t do it alone. I’m a Bellieber too!

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