good news #2 – eggs and toast

yesterday, i really tried to record a list of good things. it didn’t really work. I mean, i registered all the positives going on around me, but there were a few hideous downers in there too, left unreported.

I did slept well last night, but dreamt that i was having an affair (!) and in a separate dream that i had outstanding high school projects left undone (!!).

so i’m lying there in bed this morning at 8:30 am. i have a headache. i have these badish dreams still in my head. and i have a choice about how my day is going to go. more of yesterday? or something new?

i snuggle in with my husband. I ask him to tell me a story.

He says “remember when we used to eat breakfast outside in our old apartment?” on the patio? (yes). what do you think we were eating, i say. “eggs and toast,” he says, “and coffee in the french press.”

i remember the green plastic placemats. and the wasps. there were a lot of wasps back home.

“here we just have mosquitos,” he says, “one mosquito every night. maybe it’s the same one each time.” but you kill it each time. “Yes.”

then he says “What do you want for breakfast today?”

eggs and toast.

i get up. I scan my email briefly and read the PERFECT email from rlynn that ties in EXACTLY with the new Passion workshop i’m developing.  she reminded me of something that i know (and teach) already but she used different words and i was like YES-YES-that’s it exactly.

it’s baby-cheeses cold out today (1C) but clear so i run longer than usual, i buy bread on the way home, I shower in the dark. Mr. B makes eggs and toast.

and yes, i feel damn good. really really good.

is it because of the flashback with Mr. B about patio-breakfasts? is it the flashback to shared times, the very simple pleasures of eggs and toast.

or is it because of the present, the finally cleared weather, the blue sky. Or is it the silence here today (upstairs neighbours away, downstairs kids in school, turned off my email)

or is it the flashfoward from the research i’m doing for the Passion class, the new learning, the tying together of existing ideas. the intellectual stimulation.

maybe it’s the travelling – the transporting myself both back to the patio with the wasps – transporting myself forward into the new class.

Or (thankfully) It’s just today. A good day. Sleep + run + email off + coffee + the seed of a good idea for the new class.

There’s a seed. Now i just have to wait for it to grow.

(i think we we have these little germinations of ideas all the time, but we’re either too exhausted, hungover, craving, drinking, complaining, occupied, blaming — to just sit and see what happens. Everything’s fine. Something is coming. Sit and see what it is. we don’t have to run ahead and try to drag it into the present. we just sit and watch. Observe. Wait and see. Stay Here.)

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I’m tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

6 thoughts to “good news #2 – eggs and toast”

  1. what a wonderful post that speaks deeply to my soul. i especially appreciate your last words, belle. everything is fine. something is coming. sit. wait. watch. see. say here. i remember a time when i was a distressed young teen. crushed by the loss of my best friend and first love. i could not see anything past the moment and in the moment my heart was broken and lost. i remember, even in my innocence and inexperienced youth, that what kept me going….and not giving in or giving up…..was the thought that i might miss something really, really wonderful….that there was something more waiting for me right around the corner that i could not yet see. i’m still here. gratitude and appreciation for each of you, for this forum that i can pop in on each morning for support, community, inspiration…..and to you dear belle for being the beautiful energy behind its creation.

    jnadine

  2. Beautiful message, Belle. Shows how all of us can start a day feeling not-so-great or so-so, and then have the day metamorphsize into something wonderful!
    Joan B.

  3. I’m having morning wake ups of that “unknown dread” … what is it, melancholy … it’s beautiful outside, I live at the beach, it’s not warm but winter isn’t bad at 55 F and what I know to do after 1780+ days here is to put one foot in front of the other, focus on the positive, look for the good (it’s everywhere), be grateful and this will pass … I’ve been on quite a tall mtn top since early fall and it’s time to visit the valley and see the new growth pushing through, to know that a shift in perspective is coming and to continue to move even when slowly, to embrace the 10 lbs I gained and love me anyway AND to eat eggs and a English this morning … thanks for the ear ….

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