sobriety is like a cheap meat pie …

from me:

here’s what i know about me. escaping to bed is my number one go-to strategy. warm bed, clean sheets, under the covers. 8:45 pm is not too early. i need more than toast for breakfast. I feel better when i run. I like having a clean desk. and i write the same fucking lists over and over and seem to (not very adequately) be able to get my shit together. sleep. run. eat. clean and tidy. repeat. repeat. I’m heading into an overnight shift of baking on wednesday night which isn’t ideal for the sleep category. i think i’m worrying in advance. ha. i amuse myself. stay here, I say. have a shower, shave your legs, put on baby powder, let your hair dry, put on striped socks, stay here. baking is later. you’re here now. do this now. do this thing here. little chick. pat pat pat. and buy some salted caramel chocolate. yes.

from my inbox:

Olivia (day 13): “I listened to the sober decluttering call a week ago. You asked if you came over to our house would we be able to let you in without being embarrassed. When I was deep in my binge drinking, I would have been horrified. But now, my house is company ready most of the time. Not Queen of England ready — I do have 2 kids and a dog — but I would happily invite you in for tea 🙂  I realized this today when one of my daughter’s friends was dropped off at our house with a five minute notice. All I had to do was hang some coats and pick up a few stray Cheerios and I was ready. It’s amazing how less chaotic my life is without wine being the focus.”

AmandaJ (day 6): “I’m away on a work trip.I am off out to soak up the sunrise and take in the sights and sounds of this amazing city. Walk myself to death and breath in the mountain air. I’m determined to cram in as much good stuff as I can, daily, hourly on my second attempt at the challenge. This time I get it and will heed your advice about replacing the bad shit with the wonderous. I liken my first attempt at sobriety to a cheap meat pie. I ripped out the filling and just sat and watched the empty pie shell. This time round I’ve re stuffed the pie with a delicious nutritious filling crammed full of veggies and herbs and love. I realise where I went wrong last time. I didn’t add anything wonderous, just took out the booze and there was just a big boring gap in my life. Lesson learned.”

Wean: “Sober! I am not a broken person, I am a good person wanting to get better.  And I will!” [she’s on day 27 today]

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

6 thoughts to “sobriety is like a cheap meat pie …”

  1. “… i write the same fucking lists over and over…”—yes-yes-and yes. And then I buy new notebooks because if I only had them handwritten and in a clean pretty notebook then they would be more useful. Think I would learn by now that it doesn’t matter whether they are e-copies or hard copies–I can only get rid of them if I actually COMPLETE some of the items on the lists.

  2. Agree with everything: feel better when I exercise, striped socks, early bedtime, really good sheets, clean desk. Boring/basic/essential/fabulous stuff.

  3. I hate dishes. HATE them. And laundry, too. But on day 4, and those first couple of sober days, I was a cleaning maniac. I have 3 kids and 2 big dogs who make quite the mess on a seemingly minute-by-minute basis. “Getting it together” sometimes for me starts with the outside, including a shower, hair, and hopefully a decent outfit, all things I completely lost any care for the past few months. It’s not my favorite, but tidying up is something that has always been important to me, and something I completely lost track of. So last week I would have been mortified for you to see my house. Today, I would just apologize for all the dishes in the sink. The rest of the house is good. Walking the dogs is next on the list, after the dishes!

  4. I have slowly gotten more organized over the past 5 months…it didn’t happen all at once, but those little bursts of energy that I didn’t have when I was drinking really add up when you look at them from a cumulative perspective. Pretty neat!

    The cheap meat pie made me laugh cause it sounds GROSS! Ha! I love the healthy veggie pie so much more…

  5. A quick thank you for helping me help a friend who needed to hear that it all isn’t happening in the first few weeks. I was able to tell her about self-care and sleep and not trying to solve all of it Right Now. She and I are very grateful to you for framing these issues so we can use them to help our friends, loved ones and fellow blogistas.

  6. I love this post! I feel like that too. I have to do the pat, pat thing all day long. Drink water. Stretch calf muscles. Turn on your car lights at night. Take a bath. Put your shit away. Eat something more than popcorn and red vines. Repeat.

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