what the future holds for me sober

From me:

in true governmental format, to update, they’ve accepted everything mr. belle provided and have asking for something NEW.  all the stress for today’s visa meeting seems to be for nothing, in that they liked all that stuff we gave them. Now they want to see both of us together, in 3 months, and they want to see all of our resources/money/bank accounts (!). hahahaha. well anyway, that’s easier to provide than the hoop-jumping we’ve been doing up to now. And really if they’d have asked for this before, we could have had it ready for them today. But OK. At least next meeting i know what they want and how to structure it so it looks OK. honestly. the stress just goes way up and then right back down again in a matter of hours. now it’s all fine again.

it was always fine, of course, i just lost sight of it.

you too? losing sight of the fact that it’s all fine? just wait a bit 🙂 your feelings will change. Mint tea and lemon bars seem to have helped. I made some bagels, took some summery strawberry jam out of the freezer, and prepared to have a sous chef come and help cook tomorrow. i started to watch a really really engaging film called “Her” (2013). And oh my god i’m going to sleep well tonight!

From my inbox:

Tom (day 4):

“There was a lot there in the first audio! Including laugh out loud moments and tears down the face moments. Wolfie is something I’m very familiar with and the cycle of “drink for a few days, then be sober for a few days” gives him so much ammo to tell me I’m worthless, crap and broken. So I laughed out loud at the idea of giving a child a doughnut in a supermarket then trying to go back again and not give them one. And then quickly moved to tears at your message that I’m not broken. Deep down I know it, but Wolfie gets so persuasive. I’m currently fizzing in excitement, especially helped by yours, at what the future holds for me sober, bringing my best self out.”

Tuomas (day 30):

“Thanks for the homework … I can’t even think two days of sobriety ahead atm. But giving myself treats would definitely help: Vietnamese spring roll,Few slices of smoked ham/prosciutto from the meat shop, Ben & Jerry´s ice cream (it´s pricey here), Liquirice ice cream (premium version), Fishing gear for ice fishing,pint of coconut juice made from the real coconut juice, Whopper from BK. It seems daft and childish to make this kinda list, but if it works then it´s great. I think booze has taken part of my inner child, thus this list feels silly now. Hopefully it will not feel silly later on. Wednesday would be Ben & Jerry´s day, Friday a coconut juice day, and Sunday a spring roll day.” [he’s on day 47 today!]

Happy Day 50 to Beach Gurl!

Happy Day 50 to Janet!

Happy Day 50 to Liza!

Happy Day 180 to Catkin!

Happy Day 200 to Stacey!

Happy Day 300 to Rebecca!

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I’m tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

8 thoughts to “what the future holds for me sober”

  1. A black cloud is over my head today. Can’t believe I still have to chase this away! Wish I could zone out but must get to work. Need to make a new treat list cuz wolfie is a jerk.

  2. Treat lists are good! I’ll have to make a new one. Inner child has to be fed. Used to nurse it with a bottle. Time to move to solid food now that teething is almost over. Wolfie is pounding at the door. I think that I need something sweet. Funny how he slinks around and then out of no where starts to howl some days.

  3. My treat today was going to the movies by myself, only $6.50. I watched “her”. My treats will be to watch all the Academy nominated best pictures. Working on day 5. Yesterday, I was horrible to be around. Wishing all a wonderful weekend.

  4. Yay! Glad you got it sorted Belle! I am right there with you on the emotional roller coaster. Fine and happy one hour, weepy and lethargic the next, irrationally angry with my poor bewildered husband the next, then back on over to fine again. ugh. I am on day 15 and I have only been this far once before. Trying to stay grounded and level but it is hard to be calm and optimistic all the time. I love to read other people’s treats lists. This is what is on mine right now: orange marmalade, powdered matcha tea, a nice pedicure, benefit benetint, pistachio macrons, an aquamarine lePen, tuberose essential oil, cute appetizer plates, a ring I’ve had my eye on on etsy…happy sober weekend everybody

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