Denial: when you’re not ready to deal…

Yesterday I tried something new. I held a special call to talk about clutter, self-care, and sobriety (yes you can still sign up now, even though the live call has been recorded, i will send you the recording).

And i think I learned something yesterday (or in some way the dots are even closer together than they were before), and that is that one of the biggest challenges in early sobriety is overwhelm. There’s too much to deal with, there’s too much to read, it’s all too hard. There are too many events to navigate sober. The future is too long…

But once we share the journey with someone else, or a group of someones, then man it just gets sooo much easier.

It’s just like having too much stuff in your house, cuz like it’s hard to know where to start. If you face a large mound of stuff, or a long past of mistakes, or a big pile of unopened mail, then maybe you just can’t figure out what the fuck you’re supposed to do about it.

So there’s denial, right? i mean, we’re all masters in denial. i try to be super kind when people are in denial, though, because denial is really just a stage… (and there are other stages that come after denial that are better, oui?)

Here’s an extract from yesterday’s audio:

To be fair, denial is an adequate coping strategy when you’re not ready to deal. It’s what everybody does when they’re not ready to deal. And we do it in our whole life – not just with our clutter — but with our sobriety.

So if denial is what you do when you’re not ready to deal, then when you are ready to deal, you take the lid off the box, and you look in, and you take it out what’s in there a little bit at a time, and you get shit done.

That’s what you’re doing now.”

I know i’ve written before that everything is like everything, but getting shit done is just like sobriety. It’s easier with support and accountability and shared ideas. Facing a messy kitchen (life) alone is depressing. When you’re alone it’s punishment. Facing it with friends is so. much. fucking. easier. i. can’t. tell. you.

~

Happy Day 50 to Susan!

Happy Day 50 to Denise!

Happy Day 50 to Healthappiness!

Happy Day 50 to Changingmylifeat60!

Happy Day 50 to K!

Happy Day 50 to Patrice!

Happy Day 100 to Jocelynn!

Happy Day 100 to Heather!

Happy Day 200 to Emm Cee!

Happy Day 300 to Digs!

Happy Day 300 to DDG!

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I’m tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

6 thoughts to “Denial: when you’re not ready to deal…”

  1. Everything is everything… I’ve held on to this saying since that one audio you did way back when.. I love this in so many ways, right now I am in the throws of overwhelm, and this time round I’ve decided to go with it instead of get stuck in my rut, and drink in it.. I’m getting she done.. Closets ate getting cleaned kids shit is getting tossed out and decluttering is happening.. Just like my brain.. I’m decluttering the shit out of that, cleaning up terrible negativity, and just plain and simply sticking to soberity.. Ahhhh.. A fresh clean clutter free house, me? With all these kids and work and laundry..
    My Dear Belle.. If if everything weren’t, I’d never have been so lucky to have you and this amazing cyber sober world at my desposal…
    Love you!
    L

  2. I think my spurts of 1-2 days of sobriety were always encompassed with “today I’m not going to drink, I’m going to eat healthy and start exercising! I’ll be feeling so great that I’ll plan to organize my whole house top to bottom, too!” This lasts all of 1-2 days before I’m just say fuck it and drink. This post totally resonates with me. I’m focusing just on the sobriety right now. Maybe it will stick. Because, honestly, staying sober is exhausting enough right now. I’ll add a little at a time when ready. Only Day 4, but it feels different this time. Thanking the universe for you, Belle.

    HSC.

  3. I’m still trying to figure out what to do with all of this extra time…*

    *Not really, although I don’t know if I can afford to keep reading books at this pace….

    1. I’m still reading about a book a week and have been for a year. thankfully I have a good English language library nearby … oh, and baking. Stonewall, you can take up bread making! it takes HOURS!

  4. “a little bit at a time” is what I have HAD TO LEARN. And, I’ve had to like, re-learn it over and over again–so that I don’t blow a gasket, or you know, say FUCK it and drink! I swear, I spend most of my time these days making lists and then, deciding what I cannot get done. And, I’ve seen just how RIDICULOUS my self expectations are. One time, I made a to-do list for a Monday, and the list ended up taking me all week–that’s how delusional I can be. Just taking some things out of the picture, saying, This is not going to get done and it’s OK cuz it’s not that important, that’s helped me to just chill and stick to the plan (which is, not drink). Not to mention, your brain is not working in early days of sobriety, so… I agree: take it easy, cut ourselves a LOT of slack, and be gentle–we are doing it and that is all that matters. Great post, Belle, as usual thought-provoking…

  5. I can’t believe how perfect this post is for where I’m at! Too many times I have all these grandiose ideas of a new me once I stop drinking. Apparently, that’s why I’ve been failing at this process. I do know that I will return to alcohol if I don’t change who I’ve become. But, it’s taken 3 years for me to truly spiral out of control so to speak, and I will not become the old me over night. And usually, when I realize this, I say “fuck it”, why try. God, this is going to be a long and painful process. But, if I’m going to live I need to try. It is funny that this week I set up some really basic goals just to get me back into a routine. Make bed, one load of laundry a day, 30 minutes of exercise 5 x’s a week, 8 glasses of water a day, etc. Oh and above all DO NOT DRINK.

    Once again, perfectly put:
    “There’s too much to deal with, there’s too much to read, it’s all too hard. There are too many events to navigate sober. The future is too long…”

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