“I don’t feel cheated, I feel smart …”

From my inbox:

Barista71:

Thank you…something seems to have clicked. Like the want to move forward.  I feel like I have stalled my life long enough and now I see the one thing that was always there then (booze), and that something has to change if I want something to change. My thinking, feelings about alcohol have finally changed. I don’t feel cheated, I feel smart for making this CHOICE for myself. I am grateful now that I was the binge/blackout drinker and not had to deal with withdraws (except the week of hell after my last binge, fear, anxiety, shame, disgust) so no physical addiction, more mental and my feelings/thoughts about it have changed. It didn’t beat me, I quit while I was still ahead! 🙂

me:

me too. I equate it with being in a bad poker game, and deciding to fold early and cut your losses. I wrote this when i was nearly 9 months sober: “I’m fucking proud of myself. There’s plenty of boozing and alcohol abuse in my extended family. I quit before I had any real problems. I got out early, like folding in the middle of a bad poker game. I just cut my losses and got out.” more here.

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I’m tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

4 thoughts to ““I don’t feel cheated, I feel smart …””

  1. There IS sort of an alcohol-myth that you have to Really Hit Bottom (homeless, face-down in your own vomit in the gutter) before you can change counter-productive drinking behaviour. You and I and many others show that this is NOT true- ‘folding’ “before any real damage (is) done” is far preferable- AND possible!!!

    1. One doesn’t have to ride the truck all the way to the dump!! I have decided to jump off now while I can find my way back home! I am feeling really good and not fretting about the drink at all…

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