Happy 100 days to Jules!
Happy 100 days to DianeLouise!
Happy 100 day to Jo!
Here’s what Jo sent me:
“Belle-Busting the 100 day ribbon today! I remember wanting to die, feeling so utterly alone, questioning the reason of being, praying that I could stay here in this world, wanting so damn much to grab alcohol and sink into no man’s land — where many many live… alone… existing in solitary shells not finding the relief in each other.
Alcohol is a liar, while promising fun, laughter, relief, and friends it doesn’t deliver anything remotely close.
For me, the number one THOUGHT started with, “WHY?” Why life? Why me? Why was there this empty bottomless pit of darkness in me that I couldn’t escape? Why couldn’t I just be content and happy to be alive? Why didn’t God care? Then always lurking ready to follow was the NEXT thought, “IF only.” If only I hadn’t done this or that. If only I lived here or there. If only I had…If only I was brave, strong, had different schooling, IF…..
Pain, anguish, self-loathing, hate, depression, sadness, shame, guilt, all these were the pillars I found myself surrounded with and lived among. They were always talking AT me…I felt so utterly ALONE in a HELL!
There I was covered in and consumed by SHIT, and I reached up through that horrible mire. The hand of hope grabbed mine, your blog, not that I was totally convinced it was strong enough or that I could trust in it. It was all that was immediately offered in that moment! I grabbed it and I held on for life and it gripped my hand and begin to pull me out, out of that hole, that shit, that darkness, that lifeless agony!
Today, on day 100 I’m not out of the gloom entirely, my days are still challenging, but I’m on solid ground, and I’m trusting that it can only get better. I’m so grateful for you Belle, you are that hand of strength and hope. A candle in the blackness of the cave of the Destroyer and Destruction.
I’m going to stay here, one day at a time, and be grateful. On my gratitude list, number 1 is “The 100 Day Challenge.” I wouldn’t be at day 100 without it. If I could ask for one thing it would be to be your sober pen pal! Sending you a super long bear hug!”
doesn’t she write well? thanks jo 🙂 It had to think for a bit about whether to post this this without editing out the nice parts about me, only because it might look like a big belle-ego-fest. What i see is the relief she feels now in being sober. yes, it’s not all perfect, but it’s much much better. and more solid.