well you could just cut off his legs ..

from my inbox:

Annie2 (day 22): “I realize that I’m spending more time putting me first — exercise before doing anything else, sometimes a piece of chocolate before dinner, bedtime sometimes early, sometimes late, maybe not getting everything done I’d planned, feels good. … Super impressed with Hana’s post: “how common my experience of stops and starts, ups and downs, and reckoning/bargaining is. It’s definitely like I have been going through the stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance” — these words really resonated with me.  So much of what we’ve experience is a common thread — every day is a new day since I met you!” (she’s now on day 28)

Caro (day 19): “In the bathtub last night … I had a long, serious conversation with wolfie.  I was really mean and nasty and told him that not only was I dehydrating and starving him but I was cutting off his legs! I actually visualized this! I am an animal lover and volunteer at the local shelter so it was sorta weird visualizing hurting an animal, but it was actually quite freeing. I just kept seeing him as the evil enemy he is, that he is threatening my life and while he has been strong and dominant for 20 years, he NO LONGER IS! I visualized him trying to run after me on these stumps of legs and he was so desperate but so weak. It was great!  I highly recommend this vivid visualization technique.”

from me:

i am sleeping better. i finally got a big grocery order. there is food in the house. i still had a microwave meal for dinner though. i have a cold. i may sleep 11 hrs again tonight! i have a pumpkin pie or 10 to make this week. and some dressing/stuffing. and perhaps a carrot cake or 20. thankfully my regular job is super slack for a couple weeks as one of my biggest daily clients is travelling. oh and it’s my birthday on monday. i’ll be taking out a full page ad in the newspaper. Birthday. Monday. Mine. oh yeah, and i’m sober.

Team 100 update:

Welcome to new members: Tamtam (46), Josh (10), Tess (11), Dolly (10), Mack (14), MoMaH, Limerick (8), Liz (11), Valerie (8), AmandaJ (8), Andrea (8), Em Anne (8), Miss Lynn (7), Kerri G (7), TheFun4 (10), Annabelle (19), Mel Bel (6), Shay (6), Elise (10), Rebuilding Anne (6), Tessa (6), BlueH2OGirl (1), Blondie (6), Lisa May (5), Amber (1),  Bethany (5), Kal (6), Shannon A (7), Robin (4), Juanita (4), JMar (5), LPerr (10), Patrice (3), Denise (2), Sober Malarky (494), Brid (16), healthappiness (2), Jennifer (121).

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I’m tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

8 thoughts to “well you could just cut off his legs ..”

  1. I love that! In the early days, when I banished Wolfie-boy by taking away his bed and making him sleep outside in the cold, I actually felt sorry for him. But, he’s mean, and he deserves to have his skull crushed! Yay, violent visualizations! (Hope you feel better and get all your baking and stuffing-making done!)

  2. Belle–You make me laugh “Birthday. Monday. Mine. And I’m sober” happy early birthday– although I have a feeling I will get a chance to wish you happy birthday again 🙂 good luck with the sleep and all.

    Caro: love love love the visualization.

  3. Day 2 and Wolfie was growling at me on the way home ! He is very big and strong. Made it through dinner without wine. Knowing I’m not alone cuz of all of you out there. Knowing I’m not alone is a big deal. Thanks Belle for simply replying to my email for help. It means so much.

  4. Thanks so much for the welcome. I can’t believe you guys have been out there all this time. I only know 3 sober people in real life and 2 of them are very committed to AA so I find it quite hard to talk to them (they are brilliant people and AA has helped me a lot in finding my way, but I know its not for me). So I got my first proper smart phone and looked for stuff on Twitter just a few days ago and here you all are! And so many women!! I can hardly believe it. Everything I wanted to be out there IS HERE! Honesty, clarity, struggle, all different bottoms (pardon!) And all acknowledging the fundamental truth that drink cannot EVER work for us. I have been sober for 16months, absolutely convinced it is the right decision, but thinking I would never have a support network without AA, that maybe I was just a ‘dry drunk’ ‘whiteknuckling’ through life. But honestly I just think I am a very fallible human who has been avoiding being alive for a really long time. Now I am alive, and it’s unrelenting, but I want to practice and practice and practice because I never even lived before. I am alone on a packed train right now and tears are coming to my eyes because I am so happy I found you all. Thank you thank you thank you.

Leave a Reply