“I wanted sobriety to be instantly easy”

From my inbox:

Hana (day 20): “Starting to feel human again. I had a terrible cold that lasted for 2 weeks, so embraced the time to get deeply educated on early sobriety. It’s strange how unique and tragic our drinking problems feel. But then through commitment to change we see others who have gone through the same thing and succeeded, and it starts to seem way less scary and crippling. The farther I go forward the more it sinks in how common my experience of stops and starts, ups and downs, and reckoning/bargaining is. It’s definitely like I have been going through the stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.

The best part is the knowledge that every single person who gets any real length of time under their belt (3+ months) seems to say the same thing: it gets great if you give it time! I wanted sobriety to be instantly easy so I could justify and explain the challenge through super positive (perfect) language and experience, but now I know the immense challenge is actually the reason to keep going. If it was all easy then clearly I wouldn’t have a problem to be worked on. But I do have a problem to be addressed, and adventures waiting to happen.” (She’s now on day 26)

~

Chay (17): “I feel a little like not drinking makes me kinda like a ‘stick in the mud’. I keep telling myself that’s not true but i think of the things i avoided doing recently and i am like yep kinda dull. I am realizing in the past i said yes to a lot of things because i knew i was going to get to drink. I probably wouldn’t go if i couldn’t drink. Now the reasons why i don’t want to go are not necessarily because i cant drink but just because i am a homebody and don’t really want to go. In other words i am going to have to do a lot of things i don’t really want to so i don’t feel like a bore. Blah blah blah….thanks for listening.”

me: “or maybe it means you like being at home right now, and you’re not going to force it until you feel more solid : )”

Chay: “maybe : )”

Team 100 update:

370 members, welcome to Tamtam (39), Josh (3), Tess (28), Dolly (3), Caren (7). Happy days to: J (367), Rebecca (240), Elle & Leah (190), KristinRecovering (180), KC & CHow (150), Stacey (140), MaryPatricia (130), Catkin (120), ErinS & JacksterT (80), RF (50), Canadian Girl (40), Rx & Kirst (30), CarrieAnn, Carrie Kaffer, Raquelle, mkstafford (20), MayaRose, Koala Boy & Ozgal (10). If i’ve missed you, it might be because i haven’t heard from you in awhile, or i have the wrong date for you. lemme know 🙂

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

4 thoughts to ““I wanted sobriety to be instantly easy””

  1. I can certainly relate. I never accepted an invitation to anything that didn’t include an opportunity to drink. Why would I leave my wine glass at home to go somewhere for a coke? Now, 163 days sober, I am looking for new things to try in the evenings. Classes, exercise groups, seminars, etc. Last night I attended a seminar on making herbal tea (from herbs in my own garden!). It was lovely and I came away with tea recipes and new friends. Look what I was missing! There is so much LIFE out there! Hugs to all.

    Trish

  2. Wise words Trish. I never left the house after 5, can’t drink and drive. Now, 114 days, I’m amazed, they’re actually people in the stores and things to do in the night besides drink. Who knew! Got to find me one of those tea making classes.

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