“Thank you from my soul”

From me:

I’m celebrating 16 months sober today. And when I say ‘celebrating’ i mean that i having a very slack day. I have managed to shower before 5 pm, i’m dressed, and i’m taking a day off food preparation. So it’s like a vacation day! Yes, my desk still needs to be cleaned off. Yes my podcasts in iTunes need a purge. Yes and yes. Life is not ‘perfect’. The laundry isn’t done (well it’s sorted, but it’s now sitting there in a pile just looking at me). I wish i could send my husband away on a vacation for 3 hours (or 3 weeks!) but tomorrow i’ll like him again. I wish that i could have a really good hamburger in this city that didn’t cost 18 euros.

I’m thankful for fast, efficient health care. I’m thankful for sleeping through the night. I’m thankful that I look younger than my decrepit age. I’m thankful i have nice hair.

(my gratitude list is a bit thin today)

OK, i’m really thankful that it’s quiet here today. I’m thankful that my upstairs neighbours have gone away for a few days. i’m thankful that the leaf blowing guy has taken a pause.

I’m thankful every single fucking day for the emails I get that are so wonderful. being sober penpal to a squillion people is really super humbling. and amazing. and all that and more.

In terms of my own sobriety, I’m thankful that wolfie pretty much leaves me alone these days. I occasionally have thoughts of “this would be a good time for a glass of wine” but it never goes any further than that. There is no longing. No yearning. No adolescent, homesick, i-just-wanna-go-home feelings about wine. Wine is *over there*. I can see it, but it’s not for me. I certainly never set out to be 16 months sober, I can assure you. I had no plan, except to feel better. That I do, and here we are.

From my hilarious, touching, joyful, honest inbox:

Carolyne: “…. I can only remember up to wine number two … and then i remember a little bit of a flashback of standing in the public bathroom thinking: If I just lie down here by the toilet bowl I will feel better.”

Hana:  “I’m working on healthy habits that stick and won’t get dropped easily. I’ve had so many hobbies over the years that get ignored for new ones, or out of laziness (shiny ball syndrome). This time I’m trying to weave productivity and fun into the fabric of my life, so activities that support me are more than just some kick I’m on.  This sobriety has to be more than just NOT drinking or else it’s bound to get boring, and boring is exactly the type of thing that caused me to want to tune out, hence drinking… Luckily healthy fun is the antidote and there’s nothing boring or stressful about that! :)”

Cdn Girl (day 23): “Love your lullaby podcast!! You are really an honest voice of reason for me. Thanks for doing what you do. It is super important work.”

LD (day 100): “I was so F—ed up when I started this journey, that I said to myself..just do one good thing for yourself everyday….it might be taking a walk or drinking an extra glass of water … now I can count not drinking as my one good thing that I do for myself each day … everything else is gravy … and the sky is brighter, and I am in a much better place in my head and I can appreciate the good things that come my way that I would not have trusted or given serious consideration.”

Lex (day 26): “You don’t know me, or I you, and there is something so generous and kind that you have done for me even though I repeatedly F’d up and babbled into the world wide oblivion of the cyber sober world, and just trusted you were there. I was a jerk earlier being all woe is me and saying that no one helps me. I’m calling myself out on my shit behavior. For that I am sorry. Thank you a million times over. We are all just little pieces of a puzzle in this whole thing, and the days I get all “wahaaa I’m the only one who ever had to deal with this shit I’ve been dealt” I should step back and say “Lex! Slow down. Thank your friend.” For you unknowingly got me started at this sober cyber (psycho) journey, and I appreciate it, and you. Thank you from my soul. Lex (PS. Forgive my 25 day brain clearing, scary feeling feelings, odd sense of humor, but hanging in there sober self.)”

Team 100:

313 members, welcome to Julieanne (48) and Jessi (2).  Happy days to J (350), Sober Journalist (210), Happier Like This (45), PP (14), Momma B (10),  Em (25), Zenmeg (120), Designer Rachel (150), Donna (102), Trish (145), Susan (110), LD (100!), Dawn D (80), and Mo (31).

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

18 thoughts to ““Thank you from my soul””

  1. UNICORNS stabbing the sky–look, it’s exploding and I can see the universe out there! It’s WAY bigger than I thought! 🙂 Love and more, because you were there before I knew I needed someone there. xx -DDG

  2. Sixteen months, Belle !~! That’s so something to be proud of and grateful for and happy with, Congratulations, my faraway cyber sober friend. It’s been my experience that the further along we get in our sober life, the less we battle the Wolf. As you are seeing, it happens less and less and even when it does the intensity has backed way off. That keeps on and at ten years or twenty or even thirty, Wolfie is just another voice in your head, tucked away with the ones that think you want to bungee jump, or drive fast and stupid for fun. It truly gets easier and easier as life goes on.

    Other experiences fill what may feel to some like a void in their life; sober, meaningful, important experiences and opportunities are given to us as we maintain our sober lives. I have seen and done things that never would have come near me in my drinking days; quality trips, fantastic jobs that have taken me to Hawaii and Tahoe and Las Vegas for pay, friends I never would have met let alone grown to love…

    Stay the course, Belle, what you and our merry band of soberites has here is divine and special. You are our fearless leader and we are grateful for every one of your sixteen months.

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