“My commitment to you has ruined drinking for me”

From my inbox:

Jessica (day 54): “I’m starting to question why I ever thought drinking was fun to begin with.  Oh the regrets I have – throwing away nearly 20 years of my life due to the fucking wolfie.  Being a slave to alcohol for so long – I often think to myself that my life would have likely turned out so differently and that I could have saved myself so much sadness and angst if I never even took that first sip. I know that I have to own my mistakes, but I can’t help but feel somewhat bogged down with regret at times. But one thing I don’t regret – finding you and starting the 100 day challenge.  Wow!  Doing this feels so amazing!”

Jessica today (day 100!): “I feel like I’ve been given a second chance at life.  I feel like by getting sober, I have incidentally re-prioritized my life.  When drinking, if there was an opportunity to get drunk (a party, a work function, etc), I would make up any excuse to ditch my family to be there.  Now, no matter what, if I have  work function that I am required to attend, I make it a priority to be home so that I can tuck in my son and read him his bedtime stories (sober!).  My me time now consists of time at the gym, mani/pedis, and tea and goodies at Panera with a friend.  And surprisingly, I don’t mind if people drink around me, but I no longer like drunk people.  Once people start acting ridiculous, it’s time for me to leave.  It’s still hard for me to believe that not too long ago, that ridiculous person was me — for 20 years, I was that ridiculous person!  All I can say now is that I’m really looking forward to the next 20 years. Thanks to you, dear Belle, for your kind words of encouragement over the past 100+ days.  You really did jumpstart a new beginning for me, and for that, I will truly be forever grateful.  I’m looking forward to joining Team 180!”

Kellen (when she was on day 3): “My commitment to you has ruined drinking for me. I so wanted to run to the liquor store. All I could think about the past 2 hours. I kept telling myself I couldn’t b/c I had to email you and couldn’t lie. So day 3 sober at 3:13 EST. need to check in again later. Just one of those days.” (She’s now on day 11!

Carrie (224): “Last night’s audio was fab! had to write and tell you that it spoke directly to me. Was having a huge red wine craving … had some chocolate which helped some … but your audio helped me make sense of the rubbish train of thought I was having! We were discussing boozy Christmas trip at work yesterday and the feelings of: how am I going to get through that?, everyone will be disappointed with me, think me boring. I am going to struggle and feel unconfirtable for the whole two days! Well, you are right. It’s not today. Or even tomorrow. And I don’t have the power over others and whether they enjoy the party. It’s not my fault if we go somewhere and it is boring. I don’t need to be at the centre of the entertainment  anymore. It is ages away. Today I am ok, I am not going to drink and it’s going to be a good day! Sure, that day, in the future, might be tough or boring or fine even but it’s not today and I won’t give it the power either, to spoil today. Iove, love, love the audio pep talks!!!” [here’s a link to a sample audio podcast]

Paul: “As alcoholics, we were able to control our drinking, but not enjoy it, or enjoy our drinking and not control it.  But not both.  It’s just not in the cards for me at least.  The idea of picking up again is almost ridiculous for me now.  Like you said, why mess with something that is going so well?   And mess it up for what?  Misery?  Yes, I get those flashes of a drink, but they dissipate as quickly as they come.  And then I move on.”

 

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • Congrats on 100 Jessica–sounds like you are rocking it!

    Love Paul’s comment…”we were able to control our drinking, but not enjoy it, or enjoy our drinking and not control it. But not both.” True fact.

  • Congrats Jessica. Love what Kellen said about her commitment. Why when I would promise myself in the past to stop drinking I never followed through? After pledging to you “no matter what…” I’m at 84 days.

  • Belle, each time I read these wonderful notes of success and appreciation for you and what you have here, I feel even more blessed to be able to watch fabulous people shake the wolf and join their families. So amazing what you have started. Stay the course…