“I don’t miss the *sneaky mode* and I sure don’t miss the bruises …”

From my Inbox:

Jessica (day 63): “Thanks Belle!  I really can’t explain how good this feels, or how proud of myself I am.  I finally don’t miss the wine every single day.  Sure, Wolfie is a fucker and pops up every now and then, but the physical cravings are minimal.  Emotionally I still miss my crutch but each day I feel stronger and more able to deal.  And surprisingly, I enjoy socializing sober.  Sure, I still feel awkward and uncomfortable at times, but wow — how cool is it to actually remember my conversations!  Oh, and to be the person that talks with my company and not over them!  Lovely :-)”

J (22): “I don’t miss the “sneaky mode” and I sure don’t miss the bruises I woke up with which I’d also have to hide. I don’t miss the tales from Hell that showcased myself as the main actress in a variety of shameful and humiliating scenes — most of which if I didn’t remember.  If I had any recall they were but mere glimpses of the demoralizing event.  I sure don’t miss the anxiety that accompanied every binge or the self-accusations that took up the following days.”

R.Me (24):  “just wanted to say thank you for what you do for people like me everyday. I honestly feel that you are the only one I know who really gets it. My husband is on board with me not drinking, but doesn’t really think I have a problem … I am doing this for me and everyone else can just F-off!”

Jen-faith (12): “The daily audios [from Sober Jumpstart] were really what I needed. It made it even more supportive hearing your voice than it has been with your amazingly prompt email replies. The order of the topics made a lot of sense … I have already referred two friends who were thinking about stopping. There may be others. I wait for them to ask then I tell them how helpful it has been and send them the link. It’s really good for those if us too who might not be so plugged in to the blogging world … Together we are so much stronger.”

Mommy (29): “I’m glad you talked in audio 3 about how trying to explain boozing to a non-drinker is like trying to explain about aliens … it doesn’t work.  It made me think of my ex. He could never understand why I couldn’t just have one.  He could never understand why I drank like I did.”

Rachel (101):  [Here’s what she has to say about reaching 100 days] “I made it! Woo hoo! Actually it was never about reaching 100 days that I was worried about, I was more worried about what would happen once I reached Day 100. What’s next!? Time to go crazy!? Can I commit longer!? Do I want to!? So I decided from the very beginning that the only way I was going to be able to do this, was simply one day at at time, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do tomorrow and the next day and the next day…. So, yes, I am going to commit to another 100 Days, why not.  🙂 Without having a set goal and others to help hold you accountable, it’s just way too easy to go back to old habits. Trust me, my old habits suck! Do you know that my boyfriend and I have not had ONE fight during the last 3 months!? When I used to drink, we would have HUGE fights almost weekly! Just having a few glasses of wine was all it took. (Yes, we still argue and bicker occasionally, but it’s healthy, normal stuff.) Our relationship has never been better or stronger!

… So many times I have caught myself thinking, “Oh just one glass or two won’t hurt. One beer.” Then I would stop and remember the wise words of the many others in our online community of support who have tried to do the same thing, and quickly I changed my mind. Yes, of course I can have 1 or 2, but let’s be honest, I’m not going to want to stop at 1 or 2, and it’s going to suck. Then it’s just a matter of time before I can’t stop at 1 or 2. Then I’m back to Day 1 where I first started, and I don’t want to go back to Day 1!

There’s no way I could ever have done this without the 100 Day Challenge and the great group of people involved. Being able to access your blog and the many others during times of need and doubt have been life saving! Beyond a doubt, the 100 Day Challenge has saved my life. Thank you, Belle, for making this possible!  It’s overwhelming, the compassion and support of everyone involved. Why in the world would I want to stop now. Also, my mother as you know, passed away just recently. She was my biggest supporter. She was so happy and proud of me for doing this. I still haven’t had the guts to go back yet and read the comments she left on some of my blog posts. There’s no way I can give up now. Count me in for another 100 Days!  XO – Rachel”

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

2 thoughts on ““I don’t miss the *sneaky mode* and I sure don’t miss the bruises …”

  1. Rachel said it so eloquently, my sentiments exactly:

    “There’s no way I could ever have done this without the 100 Day Challenge and the great group of people involved. Being able to access your blog and the many others during times of need and doubt have been life saving! Beyond a doubt, the 100 Day Challenge has saved my life. Thank you, Belle, for making this possible! It’s overwhelming, the compassion and support of everyone involved. Why in the world would I want to stop now.”

    I’m almost half way there. Thank you Rachel, eveything you said is exactly how I feel.

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