I’m in control of my energy, how much i have, and how much fun I have in my life.
I’ve just done catering for 7 hrs straight, finally finished, need to shower, I smell like a bagel. a very good toasty bagel with cream cheese. but a bagel nonetheless. That’s what happens when you have a convection fan oven. You open the door and “poof” you’re enveloped in a cloud of BAGEL. My skin literally smells like food.
I was just looking through my learning log and found this from 2 years ago. It seems somehow appropriate for me to post this today. It’s me talking to me. And maybe I need to hear it again today. You?
August 20, 2011
(I had just spent the entire month of August learning to make bread. The next month (Sept 2011) I started doing paid catering, so this was written just before I started.)
…I’m able now to create lovely loaves of bread with North American flour using NA recipes, and with foreign flour using foreign recipes. … Soon I’ll learn how to make bagels and cinnamon rolls with foreign ingredients. But one thing at a time.
This lovely success set off a thought pattern of “what if i sold lots of bread? What do i need to know about doing some kind of catering thing ” — the thoughts of which i found very exciting! I spent a few hours yesterday online doing research, looking at recipes, brainstorming an “office-delivery-sandwich” business … then the next time I looked up it was 2 pm.
I realized i was getting spinny, too excited … and then it QUICKLY turned into overwhelm “there’s so much to learn, i could never do this, there are too many details, what about the health regulations, oh my language skills here aren’t good enough to do this …”
Then i heard a voice. Unfortunately it was my voice (hate it when that happens). And my voice said: that’s enough for now.
So i turned off the computer, showered (at 2 pm!), went out for a walk to the library, got a bunch of mindless reading, sat outside for an hour and read in the sun, came home and did the dishes, made supper, folded laundry.
The catering research will be there again tomorrow, and the next day.
If i get burnt out now, i won’t keep going, and i’ll take a good idea and i’ll literally kill it with too much attention, i’ll turn it into ‘work’ instead of fun.
[NOTE: this is like in early sobriety when we try to achieve too many things at the same time (like losing 30 pounds) … and then we get overwhelmed and say ‘fuck it’.]
With the catering, I’m more enthusiastic now to “save” my excitement — to think about the bread / sandwich making for only a little bit of time each day. [To plan for the future, but realize that the planning is most of the fun, and so i don’t want to get tired of it! Plan for the future but don’t get so hung up on trying to achieve it all right now.]
I get to spread out the exciting parts of this adventure (like making Christmas morning last for weeks and months instead of being over in 90 minutes).
I improve my chances that I’ll succeed by not burning out [and trying to do too much at the same time] and I’ll improve my chances of ‘keeping going’ because i’ll just deal with little bits of problems at a time, not trying to solve all of life’s problems in one-go.
I’m in charge of overdoing it, and I’m in charge of getting the help I need to remove roadblocks. I’m in charge of whether I choose to follow the advice of those who’ve been there before me. [gee, parallels with sobriety aren’t hard to spot here.]
Time to run, listen to NPR podcasts, and get home in time for Mr. B to make me bfast.
anyway, as I’m on the 2-year anniversary of starting the catering business today, this seemed like a good thing for me to read. I’m still in charge of me. I’m driving my own sober car. I get to do everything I want to do —– just not all at once!
[so if you’re a bit frustrated about progress, or timing, or why does this part take so long, maybe also be kind to yourself. And look that you’re not trying to do too much at the same time. You know what I mean?]
How’s that for a long post about almost nothing?