“I got *me* back”

From me:

Today I feel dumb and irritated. I made a mistake on a client’s account that i can’t easily fix. I’m trying to find a solution but i’m not that smart today.  I’ve been sitting here stewing about it. I went for a walk, and came home, and the client is out of the country. and it’s up to me to fix it and i don’t think i can. And this too shall pass. Apparently. Some day.

In better news, I did my one-on-one calls on Saturday and it was a very cool experience. I set up my day with a few calls then a break, then a few more calls and another break.

Well, you know how you’re supposed to look for times when you’re in a ‘state’ and where time passes quickly? Like when you’re at the beach and you look up and wowie 6 hrs have gone by?  Well, I can honestly say that Saturday went by in a blink, like a trip to the beach. I would look up from 4 back-to-back calls and realize that two whole hours had gone by. And I felt full-up instead of tired.

It’s so fascinating to speak with you directly. To see how much we have in common. That which connects us is so much more than that which separates us.  I got lots of lovely emails and comments and all I’m feeling is gratitude.  I get to be the cheerleader on some amazing, personal journeys.  I have a front row seat while you figure out that being sober is worth the work. And then we all get to see who you really are 🙂  Man-o-man it’s so awesome.

Also, honestly, this is the first time probably in my life that i’m getting paid to do something where the money aspect is completely divorced from the experience of doing the work.  I don’t really know how to explain that, but it’s like the money is so inconsequential to the excitement of being a cheerleader. Yeah, i guess that’s it. The more formal money-for-coaching aspect is a weird byproduct that squirts out one end, while i’m talking on the phone with you over here.

On the phone with you and you and you. Let’s do it again soon.

From my inbox:

Katherine recently celebrated her ONE year sober-versary.  And here’s the email she sent:

I drank like I needed it to survive for 5 years, and things got progressively worse.  Life got harder than it should have been.  Last summer on August 9th, 2012 was the last time I had wine or any numbing liquid.  The early days of sobriety were slow and sucked.  Every day I’d say ‘I’ll drink tomorrow, not today’.  I re-learned how to LOVE and take care of myself without wine!

These are some of the things that I did this year sober for the first time in a long time…

1. I woke up feeling great for 365 mornings!
2.  I didn’t waste money on wine.
3. I was able to face conflicts with courage for 365 days.
4. I can remember every conversation and event sober this year.
5. No more guilt, shame, disappointment and depression!
6. I quit the crazy job and got a much better job! Interviewing sober!
7. I don’t fight with my teen daughter anymore like I used to. Being a better role model.
8.  I set better parenting rules and follow through with them now.
9.  I EAT dinner now, instead of drinking through it.
10.  Sober sex.
11. First outdoor concert sober and had a blast.
12  First Thanksgiving without wine. Turkey doesn’t have to have wine with it!
13. First Christmas without wine.
14. First birthday without wine.
15. First New Years Eve without wine.
16.  No wine at the Casino.
17. No wine on vacation.
18.  No wine at bbq’s, restaurants, parties or the Super Bowl.
19.  Friday nights sober.
20.  Lost some friends being sober.
21.  Truly feeling calm and content…goodbye anxiety.
22. Treating myself to little rewards along the year, like specialty coffees, teas, ice cream, manicures, magazines and flowers.
23.  Reading blogs for support!
24. Waking early!

The list goes on and on… I am so happy to have returned to my lovely, happy self and that is the biggest reward of the year!!!

25.  I got ME back!!!

Hugs, Katherine

~

Sarita (day 60): You’re hilarious and real Belle! That’s why I look forward to your posts and emails. When the world is swirling around and I get Belle Mail, my heart skips a beat. It’s going to be real. “It’s a real one!!!” I say to myself. I won’t have to apply filters. I can relax and breathe thru this one. A colorful often humorous and/or insightful message — in my inbox. How lucky am I?!! I am so grateful to you!

~

Karen (day 8): As soon as I signed up for your class I felt a sense of calm.  Something about your voice and speaking style is very reassuring.  I felt I was going in the right direction and the daily audio lessons proved it.  I was successful the first week and believe I have the momentum to keep going.  I’m looking forward to what you have to offer in the future.

~

Earthy Mama (day 5): “I love being sober!  I saw this yesterday  “Fear is a liar. You don’t deserve to hang out with liars.” It immediately made me think about wolfie. I don’t want to hang out with wolfie. Wolfie is an asshole. I’m breaking up with wolfie like a toxic relationship. When wolfie calls, I won’t be answering. 🙂

Team 100 Update:

215 members, welcome to Stacey (49), April (15), The Soberist (4), Krystie (3), CT (2).  Happy Days to Jen (mommy) (4), Kate (136), Lawyer Anne (133), Lauren (148), Sunny Sue (167), and Lane (135).  Happy day 60 to Sarita. Happy 100 days to Laura. 

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

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