Drinking is the biggest fucking pause-button on life.

hahahaha. you all saw this coming right? That the coaching thing would blow the roof off, nearly taking my fucking head with it. You saw this coming? Why am i so incredibly unaware of what is happening in my own life.

last week i said to Mr. Belle that maybe i’d run the Jumpstart class once a month, and the demand is great enough to run it every week.  I said to him, just now, “maybe 10 is a good number of students per session, to manage the emails, the phone calls, etc.”

He says hahahaha you said that Team 100 would surely stop at 100 people…

and i said yes, i really did think that. at the time.

Because when i started sober blogging just over a year ago, I felt very alone. I knew i drank more than I wanted to but I didn’t really know how to stop. I certainly thought that quitting drinking would be gross and that i’d hate it.  I never thought in a billion years that i’d like being sober. I didn’t realize that online we’d have this cool support thing. I never in a billion years figured i’d be penpals with 205 people. I never in a squillion years figured i’d have a coaching thing that is running weekly. I say to husband: there aren’t enough people wanting to get sober to have a class every week, so i’ll probably do it once a month. hahahaha.

Yes, i know it’s up to me to manage the flow.  but what i’m remarking on today, with a high level of incredulity, is the flow itself.  There’s a fuckload of people who drink more than they want to. This is still shocking to me. I don’t really know why it’s shocking. It’s like i’m three years old and i’m just waking up from a nap. My view is distorted and i can’t form a coherent sentence. I stare around, unspeaking, my brain swirls.  I thought it was just me. i figured there couldn’t be anyone else out there like me.

I email the second jewlery chick who’s making bracelets (too much demand for just one chick). and I realize that i have reinvented myself in the short space of 13 months and most of it has happened without me really even realizing it.  Yet every one else can see it around me? isn’t that always the truth.  As Amy and Mr. Belle and you-all laugh and laugh at me today, I’m sitting here thinking:  OK Universe, what next?  Another Sober Work-shop (how to deal with ‘future’ events, learning to be patient, how to fix things that are broken), or a Sober Fun-shop (now that you’re sober, how to find a passion and twirl it around into something nourishing – especially when booze has systematically robbed us of hobbies, passions, and inspiration).

dear universe, what say you?

Team 100 update: 205 members, welcome to Lilith (8), LD (8), Babs (3), Trish E (39), Ebaliff (22), Erin-Kay (14), Lisa (18), JennyGardenGirl (9), One Hundred (4), Kay (12), Heather (3), Kam (11), Cheryl (hooray she’s on day 1), Pam (4), and MC (hooray they’re on day 1 too).  Happy days to: Carrie (155), Sunny Sue (160), JG (7), Mary (80), Jackie (110), Sam (7), Lex (28), Jessica (31), Donna (21), Lime Tree (50), Melinda (50), Maya June (50), Pete (40), Kathleen (13), Stargal (41), CGW (21), BST (21), FitFatFood (14), Tami (10), Gina (10).

Ohhhhh I think i get it now.  All I have to do is show up. Be present. Show up. The rest unfolds as it should.  The challenge isn’t in ‘reinventing’ myself. The challenge is to show up, warts and all, incessant talking to myself and all, and just see what happens.  “Don’t you want to know what happens next?” Why would I drink now. Cuz if i drink now, I’ll never know ‘what happens next.’ Drinking is the biggest fucking pause-button on life. I get it now. Remove the booze and the pause button is removed.  That’s it.  Then all you gotta do is get support, be open to stripping away your shit, be ready to be honest, figure out who you really are.  And then just show up.

holy fuckers, batman. this shit’s huge.

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

16 thoughts to “Drinking is the biggest fucking pause-button on life.”

  1. LOL! You make me laugh – out loud! It’s amazing what happens when you show up. Add truly being present and clear headed and great things happen. You go lady!

  2. WOW! Once again you hit the nail on the head.

    “Cuz if i drink now, I’ll never know ‘what happens next.’ Drinking is the biggest fucking pause-button on life. I get it now. Remove the booze and the pause button is removed. That’s it. ”

    Great post – thanks Belle!

  3. Ha ha! Get it woman! 🙂 (arm flourish, happy hand waving about)

    I was just thinking about how my life stopped while I was drinking, and now that I’m not I have all these ideas, and dreams. And that they are possible. 🙂

  4. You are doing amazing things! Congrats!
    The demand for your services doesn’t surprise me one bit. Our North American culture promotes heavy drinking and then acts surprised and upset when some of us ‘can’t handle’ our liquor. Reminds me of when I was 18 (underage) and my boss had a big party and let everyone drink as much as they wanted for free. I had no idea how to drink and promptly got sloppy drunk. They then had the audacity to blame me. Seriously???? I’d love to go back in a time machine and bitch-slap every last one them.
    Any-hoo, back to you, thank you for being here!

  5. Ha hahahhahahahahahaha HA

    I love you.

    Well, since you’ve asked, I was emailing with Kate earlier and we were saying how there needs to be a Stage Two – a graduate class if you will – for Team 100 members who have passed 100 days. And I thought about mentioning this to you and then I thought, “hmm, I reckon Belle has enough on her plate”.

    But SINCE YOU ASKED.

    😉

    xxx

  6. To Lilly’s comment – she got me thinking. I agree, a past 100 days something… One thing I’ve liked about AA is the sponsorship thing.. maybe linking over 100’s with newly 100’s or….. I know you’ve got a lot going, and if I can help in any way, I’d love to. Maybe it’s something for later…. Thanks Lilly, Belle and Team 100!

  7. Exactly!!! Booze is a big fuckin’ PAUSE button!!! Great thinking Belle…perfectly put! Now let’s keep pushing the PLAY button…let’s start or keep playing!!! You’re so right….all we have to do is ‘show up’! xo

  8. Just remember to give yourself a *hug* every once in a while too! You have literally changed people’s lives for the better and we love ya for it! Congratulations on the workshop success. I’m just waiting for the day when I see you on Oprah’s super soul Sunday, or maybe reading an interview where you’re featured in Time magazine for being such a positive influential person to so many.

  9. This is such an excellent post and I agree with you whole-heartedly. It seemed like as soon as I stopped drinking things just started happening for me. It was pretty awesome but also a little sad, like “God, what if I had done this sooner?” I’m so glad I did it at all. I’m also so glad to have found your blog and I’m super happy that what you’re doing is helping so many and also seems to provide you with great joy.

    I would agree with Lilly and tfay64. It would be awesome to have a class that addresses the “after 100 days” of sobriety sorta stuff. I also like the idea of pairing up with people who are newly sober or have more time than me 🙂 It would be great to make new friends 🙂

  10. LOL, was watching the “Awakening”, when they woke up, I almost cried ( It was like looking in a mirror)…..I have arrived. I’m awake!!!!!
    INNEEDOFGRACE

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