“Wow. Just WOW.”

Happy 100 days to Erin & Happy 100 days to Marie

Erin:  “Wow.  Just WOW.  I can’t believe how fast that came.  I was out to eat pizza the other night and asked to smell someone’s beer–yeah, that’s weird but we’re close.  So I sniffed it and it smelled like beer and that was that.  I had no desire to taste it.  The pizza was just as yummy without it.”

Marie: ” For the first time [a couple of days ago] I said out loud, ‘that drinking voice (Wolfie) is barely a whisper these days.’ When I was on day 5, and maybe around day 30, and again at day 40 (you get it), the voice was still pretty loud; I wanted to drink.  In the span of 100 days I’ve had bad days, good days, celebrations, family dinners, even the death of a close friend, and I have proven to myself that my life can be lived fully, and actually with more kindness and awareness, without the influence of booze. Honestly … I feel more anxious now than I have in a very long time and while I am distressed by this, it is also eye-opening for me.  I can tell that I was self-medicating with alcohol, and while it worked in a way, it was also not working in a big way.  Being free from alcohol has given me more confidence in myself (before this challenge I thought I could never give up drinking), but it has also uncovered some … untreated anxiety … About 5 weeks ago I discovered meditation and have been meditating daily since.  I am learning so much more about myself by being aware of the present and my thoughts/feelings/state of mind in the present.  I am actually allowing myself to really feel the feelings instead of looking for a way to numb them.  That has been huge for me.  It feels like giving up booze forced me to stop running from the things that scare me.  While it is tough trying to work through those things, I can already tell I am uncovering a much stronger, more peaceful and authentic me.”

From me:

I am continuing to sit with my ideas and thoughts. The old version of me, the non-sober version, would have already created a new thing, not knowing where she was going (I wrote about this new patience in my one-year summary bit).  This new version of me is more patient. She waits to see what’s going to happen. She has lots of good ideas, small group coaching, one-on-one calls, podcasts, some kind of subscription something, or even a private tree-house space. Yet, the new me is no longer trying to force a square peg into a round hole, trying to force a decision to be made…  Instead, I am open to having an idea drop into my lap, fully formed, if I just wait. And i’m thinking that August is a good time to be waiting, just percolating. Time off, sleep, baking, running, reading and waiting.

And hey, my life is pretty darn near perfect at this exact second.  My husband likes me again, I’m back to running after my cold. For the month of August I only work part-time for Job #1, as my two biggest clients and I coordinate our vacation times to all be off together.  I’m sleeping very well (9-10 hrs a night). I’m reading a lot. I have a new toy (an iPad, my first portable device). I’ve been hired to cater a wedding in the fall and have already received the deposit (thus the iPad!).

Last August, I was desperately waiting for the summer to end, and this year I’m sooo enjoying the slow pace. “Sober life is the best kind of boring.”

Team 100 update:

We have 177 members as of today, welcome to Barb (4), Rose Garden (5), Dale (6), True Grace  (5), Denise (3), Bev (3), FitFatFood (2), Sharon (3).  Happy days to: Anne (80), Grace (10), Brandy (85), Sober Kat (296), Debra (185), Kristi (11), Colleen (90), Elle (80), Leah (80), Rebecca (130), Catkin (10), Quill (64), Meka (45), Sarita (41), KC (40), Irish Eileen (85), Kathleen (7), MaryPat (20), Deidre (31), Brendan (7).  Me, i’m on day 396.

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

8 thoughts on ““Wow. Just WOW.”

  1. I think a subscription podcast is an excellent idea. I would love to have something like that to listen to while running. 🙂

  2. Happy 100 to you Erin! I just did the same thing this weekend…I leaned over to smell my bff’s mojito and it didn’t smell like anything. Then at a baseball game I was surrounded by drinks…the older couple in front of me got red wine and it was SO strong smelling…and it smelled horrible! I watched the ladies behavior change after her glass of wine. She was hooting and hollering for the team. Basically making a fool out of herself. I thought about all the times that I did that after a drink and made a fool of myself. It was a total “turn off” to drinking. Congrats to you again!

    Happy 100 to you Marie! You sound like you are taking such good care of yourself by doing meditation. I completely agree with what you said about “giving up booze has stopped you from running from the things that scare you”! Me too. Now I just sit with the feelings and ask myself in a nice, gentle inner voice ‘why are you so upset about being ____…what’s going on?’. I have learned to LOVE myself again and it sounds like you are too. Congrats to you again!

    Belle is right….’sober life is the best kind of boring’!

  3. Happy 100 Marie and Erin! Great to see so many pass the post and beyond where I can tell you it just gets better and better. Still need each other and the company of those in front and behind us. Everyone brings something that someone needs today.
    Belle, glad to hear that all is well up there at 396!!
    C xoxo

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