Happy 100 days to Erin & Happy 100 days to Marie
Erin: “Wow. Just WOW. I can’t believe how fast that came. I was out to eat pizza the other night and asked to smell someone’s beer–yeah, that’s weird but we’re close. So I sniffed it and it smelled like beer and that was that. I had no desire to taste it. The pizza was just as yummy without it.”
Marie: ” For the first time [a couple of days ago] I said out loud, ‘that drinking voice (Wolfie) is barely a whisper these days.’ When I was on day 5, and maybe around day 30, and again at day 40 (you get it), the voice was still pretty loud; I wanted to drink. In the span of 100 days I’ve had bad days, good days, celebrations, family dinners, even the death of a close friend, and I have proven to myself that my life can be lived fully, and actually with more kindness and awareness, without the influence of booze. Honestly … I feel more anxious now than I have in a very long time and while I am distressed by this, it is also eye-opening for me. I can tell that I was self-medicating with alcohol, and while it worked in a way, it was also not working in a big way. Being free from alcohol has given me more confidence in myself (before this challenge I thought I could never give up drinking), but it has also uncovered some … untreated anxiety … About 5 weeks ago I discovered meditation and have been meditating daily since. I am learning so much more about myself by being aware of the present and my thoughts/feelings/state of mind in the present. I am actually allowing myself to really feel the feelings instead of looking for a way to numb them. That has been huge for me. It feels like giving up booze forced me to stop running from the things that scare me. While it is tough trying to work through those things, I can already tell I am uncovering a much stronger, more peaceful and authentic me.”
I am continuing to sit with my ideas and thoughts. The old version of me, the non-sober version, would have already created a new thing, not knowing where she was going (I wrote about this new patience in my one-year summary bit). This new version of me is more patient. She waits to see what’s going to happen. She has lots of good ideas, small group coaching, one-on-one calls, podcasts, some kind of subscription something, or even a private tree-house space. Yet, the new me is no longer trying to force a square peg into a round hole, trying to force a decision to be made… Instead, I am open to having an idea drop into my lap, fully formed, if I just wait. And i’m thinking that August is a good time to be waiting, just percolating. Time off, sleep, baking, running, reading and waiting.
And hey, my life is pretty darn near perfect at this exact second. My husband likes me again, I’m back to running after my cold. For the month of August I only work part-time for Job #1, as my two biggest clients and I coordinate our vacation times to all be off together. I’m sleeping very well (9-10 hrs a night). I’m reading a lot. I have a new toy (an iPad, my first portable device). I’ve been hired to cater a wedding in the fall and have already received the deposit (thus the iPad!).
Last August, I was desperately waiting for the summer to end, and this year I’m sooo enjoying the slow pace. “Sober life is the best kind of boring.”
Team 100 update:
We have 177 members as of today, welcome to Barb (4), Rose Garden (5), Dale (6), True Grace (5), Denise (3), Bev (3), FitFatFood (2), Sharon (3). Happy days to: Anne (80), Grace (10), Brandy (85), Sober Kat (296), Debra (185), Kristi (11), Colleen (90), Elle (80), Leah (80), Rebecca (130), Catkin (10), Quill (64), Meka (45), Sarita (41), KC (40), Irish Eileen (85), Kathleen (7), MaryPat (20), Deidre (31), Brendan (7). Me, i’m on day 396.