What Lane thinks about turning 100
Lane, Team 100 member, writes about turning “100”:
Lane: Hi Belle: Here are my thoughts on Day 100 (actually now it is 106 but who is counting, right?!):
Day one was mostly an empty promise. I made a promise to stop drinking to my husband for a bit that day but didn’t put a number on it and in my heart felt it wouldn’t last. We went to a BBQ that day and were told to BYOB so we brought water. The host had hard liquor on hand but no real mixers I liked so when they offered me a drink in their kitchen, while my husband was watching our kids in the pool, I passed. Not because I wasn’t drinking even though I had promised not to, but because none of it sounded good to me. If they’d had wine or beer I probably would have caved. I realized on the drive home that afternoon that I had attended, and survived, a social event sober but only just barely. It had been a long time (probably about 5 years) since that had happened. I decided that I would stay sober again the next day but promised myself no more than that. Those first days were all like that, one day at a time.
One day 3 I realized that the difficulty sleeping and night sweats were related to my drinking and really freaked out. I was having physical symptoms of abuse/dependence! Amazing. I never even realized how far I had fallen. I was hanging on by bloody finger stumps to the sober ledge but dammit I was holding on! I tore myself up, cried on the treadmill, cried while showering, and even cried while driving my kids to school. What had I done to myself?! I was a horrible addict and an even worse mother. I had to fix it. Unfortunately alcohol has such a grip that despite my realizations I am confident I would have slipped within a month.
Luckily I found you about 10 days in and began a journey to 100 days that had seemed impossible. Today I feel more in control of all aspects of my life: where I go and when, what I want to wear (I’ve lost 10 pounds!), working out consistently, keeping a positive attitude and not relying on wine to relax. It all seemed so impossible just 106 days ago but I did it! I really didn’t drink BY CHOICE (unlike by necessity when I was pregnant) for 100 days. I’ve given myself a gift and shown myself a better life. THANK YOU for holding my hand and leading the charge. I never would have made it here without you and Team 100. Beep beep! ~ Lane