You know how much I love to fly … well, we flew back to Europe last night on an overnight flight. The plane was on time, the trip was brief and calm. There were two tiny bits of bumps, nothing very interesting.
During the first bit of turbulence, I closed my eyes, and tried my “pressing the down-volume button on my ipod shuffle trick” to get the bumps to stop. It worked mostly. I closed my eyes and tried to hear three things around me (whirring fan, baby up front, arabic woman with gigantic boobs sighing behind me). I tried to smell two things (is someone eating doritos?). I tried to taste one thing (mint gum).
And out of fucking nowhere, I heard a voice.
Now please don’t go thinking that I hear voices all the time, because I don’t. I once heard wolfie very loudly and clearly though. Mostly I have ‘noise’ in my head, like me reminding myself to do things, and replaying conversations, and just general static noise. But i don’t hear voices. Well, not usually.
But last night, on this overnight flight, as I had my eyes squished shut and I was worrying about it being bumpy, I very clearly heard a voice say:
Like … stay in the present, don’t go off worrying about tomorrow, or worrying about later, or worrying about crashes, or worrying about what-ifs. Stay here. Don’t worry about things that haven’t happened, won’t happen, aren’t happening. Stay here.
(I love also that the voice wasn’t saying stay there – which would imply that it was coming from outside of me. Because it said “stay here” I know it was coming from inside of me.)
So hooray, instead of hearing fucking wolfie’s voice, i can now hear “My Best Me, Talking to Me.”
There is no forever, there’s just now. There’s no worrying about later, there’s just this moment.
There’s no “how will i not drink at the wedding?” – there’s just today. Stay here.
There’s no “how can I quit forever?” – there’s just today. Stay here.
There’s no “what if i get squished and my husband doesn’t know the PIN to our shared account?” – there’s just today.
Team 100 update: 154 members, welcome to Spencer (11), Tatiana (7), MaryPat (6), Deirdre (17), Erinup (10), Beth (65), Michelle (10), NoMoreVino (3), Dave (3), DontBea (8), and Thirsty (12).
Because i’ve been travelling I haven’t been able to update everyone’s status as often as usual. Happy 100 Days to SoberJournalist, Lane, Christina, Diane, and Gindy. And yeah hooray, Lawyer Anne is 100 days today!