“it’s like erasing the loneliness and anxiety”

News from Team 100:

Sara (day 22 now):

I am so amazed by this.  This is so weird. Weird to be on day 19 — sober. I have not been sober for 19 days in a row for the last 8 years. 8 years! Imagine that. That person I see in the mirror has been drinking more or less every night for 8 years. It’s hard to face.  When I was headed this way I would never had thought I’d be this person who drank every night out of loneliness and to be able to fall asleep. Later for anxiety and to get some sleep — what a joke it is to think alcohol makes you sleep better! I had maybe a few bad nights in the first few days but sleeping like a baby these days …

It’s like erasing the loneliness and anxiety; the crap and the bullshit you tell yourself — when you stop drinking. Just stop drinking and slowly your eyes open and your mind awakens. It’s amazing. A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.

I’m glad I’m headed in the other direction again; where my mind can exist without the blurred reality and disappeared evenings. So tired. But so glad.  Thanks again, Belle for the 100 days.

Chelsie (day 35):

You know, I just realized today how many more little moments I am having — you know those times where all of a sudden every one of your senses is on fire and you’re so IN THE MOMENT, and PRESENT and as this comes to light you’re trying your best to hang on to that feeling. That feeling of complete self-awareness, acceptance, openness. In moments like that I am reinforced with the notion that the entire world is mine to explore and experience. That I am in charge of creating my own life — and how amazing and wonderful of an opportunity is that ?

On one hand it makes me sad knowing how many of those moments I’ve missed out on, but on the other I think I value them much more now. Moments like that keep me sober. They make me excited for my life.

OK, I know it’s not always sunshine and roses. If you’re having a crummy hungover Sunday morning, then reading this kind of post probably smells a lot like bullshit to you. Or not. Maybe it smells like “what are those sober girls doing, and can I get me some of that?”

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I’m tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

5 thoughts to ““it’s like erasing the loneliness and anxiety””

  1. Chelsie & Sara- Yay! Exactly!
    I’ve only been awake for an hour & my day is already filled with sunshine & roses :-). My husband told me to stay in bed, he’d take kid duty. I slept forever. Not recovering, not feeling lousy, just pure laziness. Luxurious!
    Erica

  2. Hooray for both of you (and you, and me)! LOVE this, and so right on:
    “In moments like that I am reinforced with the notion that the entire world is mine to explore and experience. That I am in charge of creating my own life — and how amazing and wonderful of an opportunity is that ?”
    I never stop feeling that sense of absolute relish that I am NOT HUNGOVER on a Sunday morning, and that I am, somehow, doing laundry and drinking (decaf) coffee and walking dogs and thinking about going for a run–on a Sunday morning? And, it feels normal now. Like, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Like, the pull of drinkin’ on a Saturday (or every other) night is just so…insignificant to the reality of the entire world being yours to explore and experience. Wow, good quote and love the challenge, meeting new sober BRILLIANCE through your blog, and all the rest. Superpowers, ACTIVATE! 😉

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